Category Archives: Asthma

Doing The Limbo

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Right now I am doing the Limbo, Asthma Limbo. l caught another cold a couple of weeks ago. At first it seemed like I was going to get through it without it triggering an Asthma Flare. Unfortunately, this did not prove to be true. I have been wheezing, and coughing my head off for days. I also have some chest tightness.

Even though this asthma flare has been going on for over a week now, it has not gotten any worse. Nor has it gotten any better. It is as if I am stuck in this stage of the flare, with no steps forward or back. It is making me feel rather useless. The flare is interfering with my breathing just enough to make me tire easily, and sleep more. Which means I am not as helpful around the house as I need to be. I feel a bit guilty about that.

Neither mom or dad have done or said anything to make me feel guilty about not being as helpful as I previously was. I think they know, and understand that the asthma flare is making things more difficult for me. I think some of the guilt I am feeling is a hold over from my marriage. My husband was not very understanding when things like this happened. Sometimes – to me – it felt as if this type of thing really aggravated him. He would then make all sorts of comments about how he was doing everything with no help from me, and of course I would feel guilty. I think that whole pattern of behavior, and feeling has become so ingrained into who I am – that even when I do not feel well – I feel a great deal of guilt about not pulling “my weight”.

I am praying that this flare will end very, very soon. I am getting tired of feeling so tired. I slept most of yesterday away, and feel as if I could do the same today. My feeling right now is that I want it to either get all the way better – instantly – or for it to get worse – then I can get some IV steroids. Either way, at least there would be some type of resolution. At least – with me being here with my parents – I am around people who understand what it is like for me right now, and do not make me feel bad about it. They are also very good about not aggravating me with being overly concerned about everything I do.

Day 1 – Blog Journal

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This is Day 1 of the 30 Day Blog Journal. Today I am supposed to post a photo of myself and describe how my day has been.

I took a photo of me giving myself a breathing treatment. I have more of  a wheeze than I did yesterday, and I do not feel quite as I good as I did yesterday. I am still taking my oral steroids, but I might have to go back and get another IV steroid treatment. Despite not feeling physically all that great, I do feel good mentally. I am still breathing better than I was before I went to the ER. Since I have to take some down time due to my breathing, I am able to catch up on all my writing, tweeting, and Facebooking I was missing when I was so busy.

So Much Better!

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As much as I did not want to, I went to the University Hospital of Augusta’s Emergency Room Monday night. I am so glad that I did! I did not have to wait long before I was taken back into the Emergency Department and the nurses started treating me as soon as I was settled. Every one of the staff I encountered was very nice, professional and efficient. My dad is the one who drove me there, and despite my efforts to kick him out – so he could go home and rest – he stayed.

Before the doctor saw me – even before respiratory had a chance to show up – a nurse administered a breathing treatment, my vitals were assessed, blood was drawn, an IV was started, and I was giving Solu-Medrol (Steroids) through the IV. I was very impressed with how quickly they started to implement procedures to make me feel better. Not long after all of those things were done, I was taken to x-ray and some chest x-rays were taken. Having chest x-rays when you are short of breath, wheezing and have chest tightness are normal. It is the way a doctor can determine if your symptems are being caused by either pneumonia or bronchitis.

After I came back from x-ray – nothing wrong showed up in the x-rays that were taken – I was given another breathing treatment. I was feeling rather discouraged and thinking that I might have to be admitted. I just did not feel as if my breathing was any better. My oxygen saturation levels were still acceptable, however, in an asthmatic those numbers can be misleading. In every asthma flare I have had, my oxygen levels have always stayed within acceptable levels. At the stage of the flare I am usually in when I seek help, my biggest problem is not that I cannot get air in, it is trying to expel the used up air. The stuff with all the carbon dioxide in it. That is why things like a peak flow meter are a must have for asthmatics. They are a simple device that we can use to get an idea of how much our lungs are able to clean themselves out when they exhale.

My dad was great! It seemed like it was taking so long for me to feel better, and it was getting very late. My father gets up very early for work, and I knew he was getting tired. Every once in a while he would doze off – while watching a football game – in one of those hard hospital chairs. He did leave the room – it sort of looked like he was running – when the nurse who started my IV had to stick me more than once to get the IV started. Dad hates that part. My mother and I are hard sticks and he knows that sometimes it can take a great many attempts to get IV’s started on us. At one point, he wandered off and came back with a bag of ruffles – cheddar and sour cream flavor. After he ate those he dozed off again. I was messing around with my phone and started to hear a rustling sound. When I looked up, dad was pulling a decent sized bag of Reeses Pieces out of his back pocket. He had gotten those out of the snack machine too.

Knowing that I could be there for a long time, I kept trying to get dad to leave. I told him I could call him whenever I was discharged, and that way he might be able to get some decent sleep at the house. No matter how much I tried to convince him I was fine in the ER by myself he would not leave. After a while, I gave up. I thought I was stubborn, my dad is definitely more stubborn than I am. I did think it was very sweet and considerate of him to want to stay there with me.

When my breathing started to improve, it was like it happened instantly. Once second I was chugging away – wheezing and miserable – the next second my chest felt less tight, there was barely any wheeze, and my agitation – from having to work so hard to breathe – had gone away. Shortly after that, a nurse and the doctor came in with some discharge papers and a prescription for prednisone (oral steroids).  I can honestly say, that when I left that emergency room I felt better than I had in several days.

I am still feeling better. I still have a slight wheeze, but it may take me going through the whole course of my oral steroids before that improves. Or, if things do not get better, then I might have to go back to that ER and get some more IV steroids. I am okay with either way it plays out. The care I received there was very good.

As a diabetic, steroids cause me problems. They raise my blood glucose levels extremely high. Yesterday, my morning reading was close to 500. I quickly gave myself an insulin injection, and upped my dose of long lasting insulin last night. My morning blood glucose reading was much better this morning, 169. That was before I took my dose of oral steroids, so I am sure it will go up from there, but it does appear as if I am doing a fairly decent job keeping my blood glucose levels close to normal.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to Babys R Us, with my daughter in law. It may have been too much walking too soon. I got very short of breath, and my mother picked me up so I could go back to the house and rest.  I also did some Wii Sword Fighting with my daughter. That was not the wisest decision I have ever made.

As I write this, I can feel my wheeze picking back up. I am not totally surprised. I half expected this to happen. Very often I need several days worth of IV steroids to stop an asthma flare. I will keep taking the oral steroids and if things are still like this when I finish the taper, then I will let a doctor look at me again.

Asthma really plays a huge role in my mental health. When you cannot breath properly, it makes you extremely anxious, and agitated. Not too mention, days and days of working so hard to breathe, really can bring your mood down. I work very hard during times like this to find positives, as well as things to laugh about so that my mood can stay up beat. I am not always successful, but at least I always try.

One of my favorite Asthma Sites is Breathin Stephen. If want to learn more about Asthma and how it affects a person, I suggest taking a look at his blog.

Feeling Slightly Better

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I woke up this morning feeling better than I did yesterday. My asthma is still flaring, but my chest is not as tight as it was yesterday. The other thing that I have noticed is that my whole body seems more relaxed than it did yesterday. When I cannot breathe properly, I get agitated and restless. That is how I was feeling most of yesterday. I kept walking around and moving to relieve the agitation I was feeling.

If I can keep things moving in this positive direction, I might be able to get through this flare without a trip to the hospital. That is what I am hoping for anyway.

I probably tend to wait longer than I should to go to the hospital. I always feel as if I need to try everything I can at home before I make a trip to the ER. For some reason, it feels like I am wasting the time of the ER staff, with my – silly – breathing problems. I know logically, not being able to breathe well is something I should have checked out earlier than I usually do, but I still resist that ER trip.

It seems like every year – this time of year – I have asthma flares. I did not always have an asthma diagnosis. It was around this time of year – about three years ago – that I was diagnosed. That was my very first hospital stay for something other than having a baby. I am working hard to keep from ending up in the hospital this winter. However, I am also trying to be rational about it and acknowledge that there are times when I might just need to go.

Around the time I was diagnosed with asthma, my depression kicked into high gear. I do not think the asthma is solely responsible for triggering the depression, but I do think it may have exacerbated it. I did not handle my asthma diagnosis well, and became convinced that my life was going to be forever, negatively affected by it. This attitude was reinforced by the fact that my doctor and I had such a difficult time getting the asthma under some sort of control. Now, when I have an asthma flare, my mental and emotional attitude about it is much different. I believe having a better attitude about living with asthma has helped to keep it from having as negative of an impact on my life as I initially thought it would.

When A Cold Is More Than A Cold

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As I write this, it is Saturday night and I have been in bed since about 7 pm. I am not feeling well and all I can think about is the sound my chest makes every time I breathe in and out. Sometimes it sounds like a high pitched train whistle, other times it sounds like a low rumble or gurgling. My chest is tight, and when I attempt to lay down, the tightness feels like it is increasing. If things do not turn around quickly, then I know where this is heading.

All of this wheezing nonsense started off as a cold. A simple cold virus, that was supposed to just run its course and depart as quickly as it came. It has not. Just like the last two times I caught a cold, it has turned into something more. Something that makes me feel worse than the cold symptoms did.

I slept most of yesterday away – because of the cold. That is all I have wanted to do today, but the wheeze and the tightness keep me awake. They make me worry.

I feel asleep before I could finish writing this post. Woke up to a worse wheeze. Breath in – Wheeze. Breathe out – Wheeze. In and out – wheeze, wheeze, wheeze. Now I am trying to decide whether I should stay in Augusta, or head home. Both places have doctors and hospitals…

I remember when colds were simply colds for me. No big deal. A snotty nose and I could keep on keeping on. Now colds are these dangerous things that interfere with my breathing and sometimes cause me to end up in the hospital.

I think I am going to take a nap now.

The Impact Of Physical Illness On Mental Health – Mental Health Awareness

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I believe that my physical illnesses contributed to the poor state of mind I had, as well as developing Clinical Depression, and an Anxiety Disorder. I went from being a relatively healthy person to someone who physically feels rotten much of the time. Also, several of the medications I am on to treat the diabetes and the asthma have been shown to directly affect your brain and lead to depression, especially, if you are already prone to depression or anxiety.  My counselor calls it co-morbidity.

I believe I have a better attitude and outlook about my physical illnesses. When I was in the hospital for my asthma in February,  I was not down in the dumps like I would have been before. Being there on my fortieth birthday did not bother me. I even kept blogging while I was there. I would have the nebulizer in my mouth, for a breathing treatment, and I would be blogging away at the same time. I also think my depression medications help counter how my other medications might affect my brain chemistry.

The Impact of Physical Illness on Mental Health


There is one particular aspect of  mental health that is still not widely discussed.  It is the impact that physical illness has on a person’s mental health.  Mental health workers easily recognize this fact, everyday they see patients with a multitude of physical and mental issues.  Unfortunately, few outside the mental health field see the correlation.

One way to put it in perspective is to think about how you feel when you have a cold.  Obviously, you have a stuffy nose, runny eyes, a fever, and you just feel physically awful.  How about the mental aspect of it?  Many people get cranky, and a bit irritable.   Very often it goes deeper than that.  Many people feel “blue” or “down in the dumps” when they have a cold.  I know I get really whiny when I have a cold.  The good thing is we know that a cold is not going to last very long, most of the time, and soon we will be back to feeling like ourselves.

Now think about this, what if the cold turned into a long term illness?  How do you think that would affect your mental health?  Most people, no matter how mild or serious the illness is, experience a wide range of emotions.  Emotions like anger, sadness, and worry.  We feel like we have no control and that our bodies have let us down.  We feel lonely, and even though there probably have been millions of other people with the same illness, we feel as if no one really understands what we are going through.

From a mental health perspective, when it comes to a chronic or long-term illness, anxiety and depression are the biggest concerns.  Many times these mental health issues  are  over-looked and left untreated.  Which can be very dangerous from both a mental health perspective, it can lead to suicide, and from a physical health perspective, it can delay healing.

Doctors are becoming more aware of how physical illnesses can affect mental health and attempt to be on the look out for the signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression.  However, their best source of information about how you are doing mentally, is from you.  Your doctor will not be aware that you are having any mental health issues if you are not open and honest with them about what is going on in your life and how you are feeling.

Why are depression and anxiety more likely to happen when you have a physical illness?

  • People become depressed and anxious when they are stressed for any reason.  Being ill is stressful.
  • Some drug treatments, such as steroids, affect the way the brain works and can directly cause anxiety and depression.
  • Some physical illness, such as an under-active thyroid, affect the way the brain works and can directly cause anxiety and depression.

You are more likely to experience severe anxiety and depression when you are physically ill if:

  • You have been anxious or depressed before.
  • You do not have family or friends you can talk to about your illness.
  • You are female (women report more anxiety and depression than men).
  • You have other problems or stresses going on in your life at the same time.
  • You are in a lot of pain.
  • Your illness is life threatening.
  • Your illness has left you incapable of taking care of yourself.

Friday Frustrations – Doing Pretty Good

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Welcome to Friday Frustrations, a weekly blog carnival dedicated to getting things off your chests whether big or small. If you would like to participate, grab the button and enter your Friday Frustrations link on Conversations with Moms Friday Frustrations Blog Hop.. You can write about several frustrations or just one. It’s up to you.

I am mostly frustration free this week. Last week and the first part of this week were bad, as far as my depression goes. I think I got slammed by to much at one. If I had a frustration, it would be the fact that it is Spring and that means crazy weather here in Georgia. And lots of pollen. Which means I get to look out the window and stare while everyone else is enjoying being outside. The pollen triggers asthma attacks for me. I am going to invest in a Wii fit so that I can get some fun exercise done in the house.

Enjoy your Friday, Neighbors!

Going Home…

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Going home has not been quite like I expected it to be. Maybe that is because “technically” I am not home yet, or that I had unrealistic expectations about how I would be feeling and what I would be doing by this point.

Due to how tired I was by the time I left the hospital Tuesday, I decided to stay at my grand mother’s house. I figured that way if I wanted to go to sleep I could just sleep when I wanted and eat when I wanted and not worry about taking care of anyone.

After we left the hospital, mom and I drove up this way. She let me pick a place for us to eat a meal. I chose Fatz. I love their Fried Green Tomatoes. We ate there and then we headed over here to Grandma’s house.

When we got here I grabbed my purse, which is really a big bag of everything, and my computer bag. I had to go up about four stairs to get inside. I could not manage the stairs. I did not run out of breath, I jut physically could not go up the stairs. I am guessing two hospital stays in three months has taken its toll on me.

When I woke up yesterday, all I could think of was going back to bed. I was so exhausted. The dogs and I curled up in the recliner and took a nap. Basically, that is what I did all day long. I slept, woke up, slept some more.

I decided that I would stay at least another night and day here. I did not feel comfortable driving the fifteen minutes home, nor did I feel comfortable being at home with just my daughter and myself, while my husband worked.

I am just surprised, and a little disappointed that I am not back to regular activities by now. I know that the instructions that I was given when I left the hospital, said “Limited Activity, Frequent Rest Periods”, however, I do not think it really registered until I got here.

I think I need to be wise about this whole recovery thing and do exactly what my doctor said and listen to what my body is telling me.  It is frustrating though.  I feel as if I have been sick for months now.  

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Got My Going Home Clothes On!

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I got my going home clothes on, I got my going home clothes on! Yay!
All I am waiting for right now is the oral steroids and for them to observe me for a few hours to make sure I am not going to have a set back. Almost six days in the hospital….boy will I be happy to blow this pop stand.

MY plan is to not spend anymore time in the hospital, as a patient, this year. 
Thank you, all of you, who kept me in your thoughts and prayers and put up with my ramblings from boredom yesterday.  You all did more than you realize in helping me keep a positive attitude while I was in here.  
Have a wonderful, wonderful day, Neighbors!

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Can Weaknesses Be Strengths?

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I am once again thankful I am feeling so much better today. I am back into my blog reading and have read some good stuff already this morning.

Grey Ang wrote, what I thought was a very interesting post, entitled Making Your Weakness Your Partner And Dance With It 

She starts her post off with some very good self inspection questions.  

“But actually, who is it that is there to determine what is normal or success? And how do we weight ourselves, is it from your heart, or is it from how others see you?”

 Grey Ang also takes the time to tell a short story about a young woman name Amiee Mullens.  Amiee Mullens had both her legs amputated when she was about one years old due to a birth defect.  Rather than let not having legs hold her back she has gone on to be a model, and an Olympic Athlete.

Grey Ang has a quote from Amiee Mullins that says,

“It is not so much about overcoming adversity as it is opening ourselves to it, embracing it. Grappling with it. Maybe even dancing with it. Perhaps as we see adversity as something natural, consistent and useful, we’re less burdened by the presence of it. “

 At first when I read that quote, I knew those were inspirational words but I could not really think of how they could apply to me.  I decided to do some more reading and thinking.

Basically, I think what I think is being said by this quote is that if you have something that is considered a weakness or a disability, embrace it!  Really get to know it/them.  Acknowledge that it is part of you.  Love it since it is part of you. 

Do not run from it.  Do not hide from it.  Do not keep it a secret from others.  Be proud of it!

In the last year, I have made no secret of my severe depression, suicide attempts, and other things that most people would consider weaknesses or disabilities.  

I think when I got my asthma diagnosis and then my diabetes diagnosis, instead of embracing and getting to know the new parts of me, I tried to shove them under the bed.  They certainly did not cause my depression, but I very strongly believe that not dealing/embracing them added a lot to my severe depression.  I became a hopeless person, and when I reached that hopeless point I tried to commit suicide.

Without knowing what I was doing, I have spent the last year getting to know my illnesses, my weaknesses, my anxieties, and more and embracing them.  I chose to do much of that, publicly, here on this blog.

I have touched them, examined them, poked and prodded them, and now I know them so much better.  I am not to the point of loving them….yet, but I am becoming proud of them.  Proud in the sense that I am no longer boxed in by other people’s definitions of them.

My nurse for today paid me what I consider a very high complement.  She basically said that for not having been in depression recovery for even a year yet, she thought I was really doing well.  I guess my sense of pride for my “weaknesses” is actually showing through to other people.  How cool is that?!

I think our weakness can become our strengths.  I will be honest and admit that I am not sure how to put them all together that way just yet, but I think I am getting closer.  I can see the look on people’s faces when I respond to them, and I see respect there.  For example, the nurses and other support staff here have kept saying “Too bad you had to spend your birthday in the hospital”.  My response has always been, “better here than at home not being able to breathe well”.  Having been such a shining example of negativity for most of my life, it really feels good when you can say something positive, surprise someone, and see how it might change their own thought processes, and to hear them say out loud how strong they think you are. 

Getting back to the questions from the beginning of the this post:

Who decides what is normal or a success?  In the past, I let other people or society decide for me what was normal and what was considered a success.  Now I define those things for myself.  “My normal” is in no way the same as my neighbor’s “normal”.  Why?  I have a very structured drug regime, my brain certainly has issues, and to me sometimes a successful day just consists of getting dressed.  However, since I am defining those things I can be proud of them.

How do we judge ourselves, from our heart or from how other people “see” us ?  I very much judged myself on how other people “saw” me.  Now I know, most people do not really “see” me.  How can they really “see” me?  Most people do not take the time to get to know each other well enough to truly “see” them.  I can see myself, but I often ask myself, am I truly seeing myself completely?  My opinion is, that it is extremely difficult to hold that mirror up to yourself and see yourself completely.  So it is important to have one or two people you trust completely, to help you see around the corners and show you what you  might be missing.  Not to judge us, but so we can make a better judgment about ourselves.  I use my counselor for that job.

Your turn!  How would you answer those questions?

Have a great afternoon, Neighbors!
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