Right now I am doing the Limbo, Asthma Limbo. l caught another cold a couple of weeks ago. At first it seemed like I was going to get through it without it triggering an Asthma Flare. Unfortunately, this did not prove to be true. I have been wheezing, and coughing my head off for days. I also have some chest tightness.

Even though this asthma flare has been going on for over a week now, it has not gotten any worse. Nor has it gotten any better. It is as if I am stuck in this stage of the flare, with no steps forward or back. It is making me feel rather useless. The flare is interfering with my breathing just enough to make me tire easily, and sleep more. Which means I am not as helpful around the house as I need to be. I feel a bit guilty about that.

Neither mom or dad have done or said anything to make me feel guilty about not being as helpful as I previously was. I think they know, and understand that the asthma flare is making things more difficult for me. I think some of the guilt I am feeling is a hold over from my marriage. My husband was not very understanding when things like this happened. Sometimes – to me – it felt as if this type of thing really aggravated him. He would then make all sorts of comments about how he was doing everything with no help from me, and of course I would feel guilty. I think that whole pattern of behavior, and feeling has become so ingrained into who I am – that even when I do not feel well – I feel a great deal of guilt about not pulling “my weight”.

I am praying that this flare will end very, very soon. I am getting tired of feeling so tired. I slept most of yesterday away, and feel as if I could do the same today. My feeling right now is that I want it to either get all the way better – instantly – or for it to get worse – then I can get some IV steroids. Either way, at least there would be some type of resolution. At least – with me being here with my parents – I am around people who understand what it is like for me right now, and do not make me feel bad about it. They are also very good about not aggravating me with being overly concerned about everything I do.