Monthly Archives: September 2011

A New Phase in the Depression Treatment Process

Posted on by
Reply

It is hard for me to believe, but I think I am ready for a new phase in my depression treatment. Actually, I think I already entered it, but it is now time to make it official. During the summer of last year, I started to attend group therapy sessions, and I greatly reduced the amount of individual counseling I received. It was a good and natural step in my depression treatment process. I had begun to rely on my counselor for a great many things and it was time for me to start learning how to rely on myself. I think with all of the challenges and life-changing events I have experienced during that time, I have exhibited to myself that I have the necessary skills to maintain my own mental health.

 

Gradually, during this time I began going to group less and less. Despite plugging into the mental health treatment center less than I did before I think I have still done a good job at maintaining appropriate coping skills and mental health. Consequently, I have decided that before I go to the group therapy session on Wednesday morning, I will spend some one-on-one time with my counselor discussing my desire to graduate to a new level of care. I think it is time I went to what my mental treatment center refers to as a medication maintenance plan.

 

In essence, this means I will only need to go to the treatment center to occasionally meet with a psychiatrist regarding my medications. This will ensure that they are still working properly and that I am not having any life threatening side effects. It will also allow me to stay enrolled into the treatment center just enough for me to have a safety net in case I run into any problems that I believe I cannot handle on my own.

 

I’m kind of excited about making this decision. For me, the goal of depression treatment has been to get me to the point where I have the skills needed to maintain my own mental health. Certainly, there are areas that I still need to make huge improvements in; however, I can’t think of any person who does not have some areas in their emotional and mental health that they need to improve on. I have come to the realization that I am no different than anyone else in the world. At least now I know that the probability of me ever getting that sick with depression and anxiety again are slim to none. I can say this with confidence because I know how far I’ve come, and I can picture how far I will continue to go. In addition, if it ever happens that I get that sick again, I know where to go for help and I know that it really does work.

It is NOT a Small World Anymore

Posted on by
Reply

There once was a time in my life when I was literally a world traveler. I was fortunate because my father had a job that enabled my family and me to travel around the globe. When I was growing up, and as a young adult, I was able to experience many things that the average person does not get to, and I was able to meet a great many interesting people. I loved it!

 

Unfortunately, depression and anxiety make my world a very small place. It was so small that it consisted entirely of my house. At that time, I could barely leave my front door, much less picture myself traveling anywhere on an airplane. Over time, due in part to my depression and anxiety treatment, my world once again became a bigger place. I could leave my house, drive down the road to the grocery store, and even drive through downtown Atlanta in the middle of rush hour. However, as much as my world had grown I never actually thought that I would ever have any big traveling adventures again. The last few weeks have proven differently.

 

Once again, I have been bitten by the traveling bug and I am ready to keep expanding my world. There are so many things that I want to see and do! Traveling for the last three weeks has given me a taste of what I can experience if I take the time to just do it.

 

I think what amazes me the most is how much I appreciated everything I was able to see and do. It was like I was looking at everything with a new set of eyes. I think, in a way, I was and I am. I believe that my time being so sick with depression and anxiety, and my suicide attempt, have given me an appreciation for life, the world, and people that I never had before. It is hard to describe what I feel when I think about how close I came to ending it all and now having so much in my life. I really do not know how I will ever be able to thank my mother enough for introducing me to the big, wide world again.

 

I know that if I can come from being as sick as I was, and unable to leave my house, to traveling across the country, talking with strangers, and enjoying myself the whole time that anyone can do it. Just have a little faith in yourself, push yourself a lot, be patient with yourself, and create a wonderful support system and your world will grow too.

I Got A Gold Star! – Tales of a Psychology Student

Posted on by
1

Currently, I am in my second semester of college, and I am taking my first psychology class. The name of the class is Interpersonal Effectiveness. So far, even though the work is challenging, I am really enjoying this class. Every week I am given at least one discussion topic with specific instructions to follow. My responsibility is to follow those instructions and post a response to the class discussion boards. In addition, One class requirement I must follow is to respond to at least two other student’s assignments. This week’s discussion topic was about sympathy and empathy. The following is the instructions I had to follow:

Conduct an online search for three different definitions of empathy and three different definitions of sympathy. Note: use reputable sources such as Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary and avoid sources such a Wikipedia.

Using your three definitions as sources of support, define the difference(s) between empathy and sympathy and justify your position.

What is the role of empathy in listening and perspective taking? Why would “imagination, open-mindedness, and commitment” be useful skills for being an empathetic listener?

Remember to make references and integrate examples, terms, theory, and research from your readings to support your points and examples.

I am very proud of the response my instructor gave me regarding this assignment, so I thought I would share it with you; including the psychology instructor’s response to my assignment.

Psychology Class Assignment

The online Merriam-Webster Learning Dictionary defines sympathy as:

the feeling that you care about and are sorry about someone else’s trouble, grief, misfortune, etc. : a sympathetic feeling Merriam-Webster Learning Dictionary Retrieved September 21, 2011 from http://www.learnersdictionary.com/search/sympathy

The online Merriam-Webster Learning Dictionary defines empathy as:

the feeling that you understand and share another person’s experiences and emotions Merriam-Webster Learning Dictionary Retrieved September 21, 2011 from http://www.learnersdictionary.com/search/empathy

Although sympathy and empathy sound very familiar, and both are used in reference to feelings, each one has a very distinct and different meaning. In short, sympathy is the acknowledgment of a person’s emotions, and empathy is knowing, understanding, and sharing in a person’s emotions. When used properly, each one can be a valuable tool in a person’s emotional toolbox.

It appears to me that sympathy is about an individual acknowledging another person’s physical and/or emotional pain without actually relating to it. Maybe the individual cannot relate to another’s physical and/or emotional pain because he or she has never experienced a similar set of circumstances, or he or she has no emotional investment in the individual who is experiencing the physical and/or emotional pain. I do think there are times when a person chooses sympathy over empathy in order to maintain some sort of emotional distance.

In my opinion, empathy has to do with an individual’s ability to truly know, understand, and share in another person’s emotions regarding physical and/or emotional pain, as well as in his or her triumphs, joys, and positive circumstances. I think, to some extent, empathy is an acquired skill rather than something that an individual is born with. I believe that in some cases empathy comes with life experience. In other words, for most people, it is very difficult to truly know, understand, and share in another person’s circumstances, positive and/or negative, unless an individual has experienced something similar. Because empathy requires an individual to experience the same sort of emotions that another person is experiencing, it is vital for an individual to maintain some degree of balance in order to protect his or her own emotional health.

While sympathy does acknowledge a person’s emotional pain, physical pain and his or her circumstances, the reality is that it does not require the same type of emotional investment that empathy does. In essence, it is a way for an individual to let another person know that they are thinking about him or her during his or her difficult time. Conversely, empathy is impossible to achieve without an emotional investment. It is a way for an individual to express to another that he or she “has been there, done that, and has the T-shirt to prove it” and that the other person is not alone in his or her pain and joy. In addition, I believe that empathy can act as some sort of catalyst or motivation that very often propels an individual into taking some sort of action. For example, someone who has experienced the loss of a spouse will know what another person, who recently lost a spouse, might be thinking and feeling. The individual will most likely understand and know what things might be causing the other person anxiety, sadness, and how difficult his or her days might be. This understanding and knowledge could propel the individual to prepare a list, for the other person, of things that should be taken care of now that his or her spouse is deceased. It could also motivate an individual to call and check on the other person, or stop by and make sure he or she is okay.

Obviously, there is no way a single individual can have enough life experiences to be able to empathize with every circumstance that another person might have. That is when having the ability to use one’s imagination, being open-minded, and making a commitment to listen to others objectively would come in handy. These three things will allow an individual to see a set of circumstances from another person’s perspective, form an unbiased opinion, and helps an individual feel as if he or she is being listened to without being judged.

“And while perspective taking is not the same as agreeing with the other person, it is a method for taking on another person’s point of view. This requires a suspension of judgment so that for the moment you set aside your own opinions and take on those of the other person.” (Alberts, Jess K.. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Psychology 180. Argosy University, 2009. pp. 80 – 81).

 

Psychology Instructor’s Response

GOLD STAR, Melissa! I may have to save this response and use it in future classes 😉 I really like your summary statement, ” In short, sympathy is the acknowledgment of a person’s emotions, and empathy is knowing, understanding, and sharing in a person’s emotions.” The investment in sympathy can be quite low… the same can’t be said for true empathy!

Keep up the hard work!

Psychology Professor

The Ache

Posted on by

In the months since dad died the constant ache in my heart has lessened a great deal. It is not because I miss him any less, I think it has more to do with me getting used to him not being around. But there are days, really hard days when that paid in my heart is a strong as the day he died.

Today is one of those days. Being here with people that knew my dad for many, many years has been bittersweet. I have enjoyed listening to them talk about my father, and I have enjoyed sharing stories with them about my father. However, today has been full of sadness for me. Today, Dale celebrated her 70th birthday. It is a joyous day for her, and it should be, but it reminds of how much I wanted to spend dad’s birthday with him this year.

I just want to stand up and yell “IT’S NOT FAIR!”


May I Borrow a Cup of Internet?

Posted on by
Reply

I am not ashamed to admit that I have an Internet addiction. Fortunately, I can justify my addiction because of work and school. However, when I cannot get an Internet signal or the one I have is a little sketchy I get very twitchy. I have been quite twitchy the last few days.

The people I’m staying with our great; however, they are a little backwards in the technology department. Get this! They do not have Wi-Fi! I did not think there are many people left in the world who do not have Wi-Fi, and they are one of the few. I have been using a rather weak Internet connection to access my blog, my work website, and my school website. Today, after spending over an hour trying to connect to the Internet I finally had enough.

They have neighbors on either side of the house, and I went to each neighbor and asked if I could borrow a cup of Internet. The house with the young people was not so receptive, which surprised me. However, the house with the old guy was a totally different story. About 20 minutes or so after I rang his doorbell, he showed up over here and play to security key into my computer, so I could use his Internet. Yay!

The twitchy feeling is already going away, and I’m looking forward to pounding out some articles for work. Plus, I have an English test any to take, and an essay for my psychology class, Interpersonal Effectiveness, I need to write.

Surprise!

Posted on by
1

I was able to get a flight out of Monterey, California early Sunday morning, and I am now staying with some very good friends of my parents in Surprise, Arizona. Outside of going home, I do not think I could have landed in a better place. I will be staying here until the14th September, and then I will fly to Seattle and board the cruise ship on the 16th September.

 

Dale and Jim Rutherford are the names of my hosts, and they have been absolutely terrific. The bedroom I am staying in is absolutely beautiful, with all the comforts of home and then some. They have been absolutely gracious, and have allowed me the time and space that I need to work and do my school assignments.

 

It has been very nice here, not just because of how wonderful they are, but they are people that have no my parents for 20 years or more and it has been very nice talking about dad with them. I have learned things about my father I did not know, and I have been able to share things with them about dad they did not know. I have teared up more than once, but they have been very good about not making a big deal about it.

 

When I was still in Monterey and trying to find a flight out it quickly became obvious that getting back to Georgia and then to Seattle on time was going to be challenging. By that point I was beyond exhausted, mentally and physically, and I really just needed a place to rest. When I had about given up on the possibility of finding a flight to Georgia, my mother texted me and asked me to check on flights to the Phoenix, Arizona airport. Not only was it significantly cheaper to fly there, I could get a flight out within 24 hours. We decided that coming here was the best option for me, rather than have me fly clear across the country again. Including an hour and a half layover in Los Angeles, it only took me a little over three hours to get here. That is much better than the 18 hours it took me to get to Monterey, California, due to all the stops I had to make.

 

So far, the hundred plus temperatures have not bothered me, but then again it is a different type of heat than what I’m used to. However, I’m sure by the time I leave I will be ready for the cooler weather that awaits me in Alaska.

Being a Parent is Hard

Posted on by
2

Anyone who is a parent knows that there are times when we have to make tough decisions for the best interests of our child. Sometimes the consequences of these decisions are painful, for both the parent and the child, and can drastically, and forever, alter relationships. Last night, I was put in the position of having to make one of those hard decisions.

 

I think most everyone who reads my blog knew that I was going to Monterey, California to visit my son for two weeks, before I left on the Alaska cruise. I had really been looking forward to spending the time with him. Unfortunately, since the time I arrived here, Tuesday night, I have been miserable. My son is on a path of self-destruction, and I had to take steps to intervene.

 

Before I even got here, he kept saying he didn’t have any money. I understood that. He does not get paid a lot of money as a Marine. So, I was prepared to buy groceries, and other things to make it easier for him while I was here. However, a lack of money does not explain what I walked into Tuesday night. The first thing I noticed when he opened the door to his house was an overwhelming smell of urine and feces, as well as rotting garbage. Upon entering the house, it was very obvious that he has been living in squalor. I cannot even put into words how disgusting and unsanitary everything was.

 

The next morning, he had to go to work and was going to be gone for several hours. The night before I had asked him to take us to the grocery store so I could put some food in the house, and he told me nothing was open. So basically what that meant, was that he was going to leave me, an insulin-dependent diabetic, in house where there literally was no food. Obviously, that was not acceptable. He ended up going to McDonald’s and getting me some breakfast. When he left for work, I was left in the foul smelling, unsanitary house.

 

After he got home from work, I asked him several times to clean the kitchen. I tried to explain to him that if he wanted me to cook anything the kitchen needed to be sanitary. In the end, he put a few dishes in the dishwasher, leaving most of them in the sink. The majority of the dishes had probably been in the sink for a couple of weeks. He claims that in the two weeks that they piled up in there he had no time to wash them. In fact, he said he never had time to do any cleaning in the house. However, he had time to party, he had money to buy alcohol, and he had time to hang out with his friends.

 

In the hallway of his house he has duct taped blankets to the floor to hide the fact that the floor is ruined due to animal urine and feces. Even the room I am staying in has areas that have been stained by animal urine and feces. There were beer bottles and beer cans everywhere. There was also trash piled up everywhere, even in his own bed.

 

Anyone seeing this would know that there’s something seriously wrong with him. No one in their right mind would choose to live in squalor. So last night, I made a decision. I contacted people in his command, and had them come to document the living situation. Obviously, he’s going to have to face serious consequences. However, I could not leave here without taking drastic steps to get him help.

 

From what I understand, this is not the first time someone has had an issue with his house, nor was it the first time someone from his command had to come to his house about the living conditions. I was told that “he fell through the cracks”. I have been assured that appropriate steps to get him help will happen, and if he does what is required of him this will not ruin his career with the Marines.

 

He is very angry with me, and probably will be for a long time. I can live with his anger, as long as he gets the help he needs. I will give him credit for something; he did tell me that as angry as he is he will not treat me disrespectfully or badly.

 

Tomorrow morning, at 6 AM, I will be heading to Phoenix to stay with some friends. There are certain consequences that my son will have to face that cannot be implemented as long as I’m staying in house. This is because where he is living is considered base housing/government housing and they cannot confine him to base and leave a civilian in the house.

 

I am beyond tired. Every part of me aches, especially my legs. I think I am mentally and physically exhausted. I have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor, and to be quite frank, I’m looking forward to sleeping in a bed. I think I feel depressed. Not in a bad this is a depressive episode depressed, but more like it is depressing that my son was choosing to live this way, and I had to be the one who turned him in.

Post-it-Note Blessings

Posted on by
Reply

One of the many things I have learned in the last two and half years, while learning how to manage depression, is that it is vital to my mental health to daily take stock of the good things in my life. This does not have to be big things, some of the things that blessed me the most a rather small and inconsequential to most people. However, they help keep me focused on all the wonderful things that are in my life.

 

Post-it-Note Blessings

Posted on by
Reply

One of the many things I have learned in the last two and half years, while learning how to manage depression, is that it is vital to my mental health to daily take stock of the good things in my life. This does not have to be big things, some of the things that blessed me the most a rather small and inconsequential to most people. However, they help keep me focused on all the wonderful things that are in my life.