The power of positive words is life giving. They build me up, and provide me with encouragement. They have been known to empower me, giving me the confidence I need to face something difficult. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….I am going to make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include why this word makes me feel positively happy.
Tuesday was THE day that I went back to my house in an attempt to get the last of my belongings. I wish it had gone better. It was a difficult day – made even more difficult – due to the drama that unfolded. I did not go there with the intent of starting or being a part of unnecessary drama, however, I should not have been surprised that it happened. Drama has been a major part of things.
I have done my best to keep any drama to a bare minimum, but it has been difficult. My husband has been lashing out from a place of bitterness, anger, and pain, and as a result has created unnecessary drama, and hurt feelings. He is still raging about my father calling him, and trying to convey some concerns he had for me to my husband. He has made it clear that my son is not welcome anywhere near him. He even went so far as to tell me he had changed the locks on the house. I did find out that he had lied to me about the locks.
When we started discussing when I would come get the rest of my things, he went off on several tirades about how I was the only one allowed to come. My father and/or son were not allowed. I insisted that my father was going to come with me. When THE day came to get my things, my father got a neighbor – a man about my age – to help us. My dad is in his late 60’s and is not capable of carrying heavy things himself, and I am a wimp. My mother and I had discussed whether or not we should have some sheriff’s deputies with us, and I made the decision to not do that. I was trying to avoid traumatizing my daughter anymore than she has already been.
As soon as my husband saw that we had someone else with us, he became hostile and started threatening to call the sheriff’s department . I told him that if he wanted to do that, he should go ahead. He did not. We began to get my things. Every time my father and the man he got to help us were outside, my husband and daughter would being very mean. They would say things that hurt my feelings and my daughter was extremely rude. During one of my trips outside – to put a box in the truck – I called my mother. I really needed to vent about the things my husband and daughter were saying. She reminded me that my daughter should not – under any circumstances – speak to me the way she was doing.
After speaking with my mother, I went back inside to get a few more items. My daughter was near me, my husband was all the way across the house. My daughter continued to say inappropriate things to me. I raised my voice and said something to the effect of “I do not care what is going on, you will not talk to me that way”. Immediately my husband yelled at me and responded with “She can talk to you any way she wants to”. Right after that he went outside. It was not until I took another box outside, and saw two deputies pull up, that I realized he had called the sheriff’s department to send a deputy to the house. I stayed outside, and spoke to the deputies. I did not go into any great details with them, but I did give them a basic run down on what was going on. I also told them that my husband called them after I had told my daughter to not speak to me rudely. They wanted to know who was with me, and I introduced them to my father and his neighbor.
As I was going back inside, my husband came out. The deputies began to speak to him. As much as I wanted to stand there and listen in on their conversation I did not. I did hear a few things as I was going back and forth from the house and the truck. The gist of the conversation they had with my husband was that they were unsure of why he called them out there since there was nothing bad going on. The tone of their voices sounded rather irritated. In the end, he told them that he was on probation, and felt that he needed a ‘witness” so that we could not accuse of him of anything. One deputy left, one stayed. The deputy that stayed did not say I had to hurry up, but I also know they are busy, and do not have the time to be standing around for nonsense. So my dad, and I agreed to finish things up more quickly than we had planned.
It was good that the deputy was there. It put a stop to the ugly things that my daughter and husband were saying. Unfortunately, because of having to hurry up I was not able to get some of the things I really wanted, and I forgot something that meant a lot to me. While the deputy was standing there I asked my husband if we could make arrangements for me to get anything I had to leave behind. He said “yes”. I hope he follows through with it.
As I was leaving, my daughter gave me a beautiful blanket. I asked her if I could give her a hug. She said “yes”. When I hugged her she stood there as stiff as a board. It broke my heart, and that is when I cried. It hurts to think of her being so unhappy. I wish her father would quit putting her in the middle of our mess.
It was a hard day. I felt stressed, anxious, and sad for most of it. However, I did get through it. I am so blessed to have people I can lean on during hard times like that. Between my mom, and a couple of other people I spoke with on the phone, and my internet friends, I felt supported, and cared for. That made one of the hardest days in my life easier to bear.
The power of positive words is life giving. They build me up, and provide me with encouragement. They have been known to empower me, giving me the confidence I need to face something difficult. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….I am going to make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include why this word makes me feel positively happy.
I would love to see what positive words you come up with for the letter E!
Recently, I joined/liked a face book page called Mental Health. I really have enjoyed it because it is very active, and is full of positive thoughts, questions to ponder, and encouragement. Not long ago, they posted a great exercise that I decided to duplicate on my blog. This is what it is…
“The power of positive words is life giving. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….can we make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include WHY this word makes YOU feel positively happy?”
I have decided that I am going to try to post a different letter/word every day – starting with the letter A – and explain why the word makes me feel positively happy. I might even start over from A again after I reach the end of the alphabet.
I would love to see what positive words you come up with for the letter D!
Recently, I joined/liked a face book page called Mental Health. I really have enjoyed it because it is very active, and is full of positive thoughts, questions to ponder, and encouragement. Not long ago, they posted a great exercise that I decided to duplicate on my blog. This is what it is…
“The power of positive words is life giving. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….can we make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include WHY this word makes YOU feel positively happy?”
I have decided that I am going to try to post a different letter/word every day – starting with the letter A – and explain why the word makes me feel positively happy. I might even start over from A again after I reach the end of the alphabet.
When I think of the letter C something else comes to mind that also makes me feel positively happy. When I was a kid Cookie Monster used to sing a song called C Is For Cookie. I have been singing the song all morning, so I decided to include the lyrics here as well.
Now what starts with the letter “C”?
“Cookie” starts with “C”!
Let’s think of other things that starts with “C”!
Uh. . .Uh. . . Who cares about da other things?!
(CHORUS)x2
“C” is for Cookie that’s good enough for me,
“C” is for cookie that’s good enough for me,
“C” is for cookie that’s good enough for me,
Oh! cookie, cookie, cookie starts with “C”!
Hey, You know what? A round cookie with one bite out of it looks like a “C”
A round donut with one bite out of it also looks like a “C” but it is not as good as a cookie
Oh, and the moon sometimes looks like a “C” but you can’t eat that
So…
(CHORUS)
Cookie Cookie Cookie Starts with “C”
Cookie Cookie Cookie Starts with “C”
I would love to see what you come up with for the letter C!
It is the Monday after Christmas, and time for me to remind myself of the many things I have to be thankful for. If you have never taken the time to either daily or weekly write a short list of things to be thankful for, you really ought to give it a try. Doing this has made it so much easier for me to keep a positive attitude during circumstances that would have really devastated me in the past.
Welcome to Day 14 of my Blog Journal. I was not too thrilled with today’s suggested topic, so I decided to do my own thing again….
As I was drying my hair this morning, I decided I wanted to put some kind of Christmas ribbon in my hair. I could not find a ribbon I was thrilled with, however, I found something much cooler. I attached the items to a barret of mine. Here is what it looks like…
Today’s prompt is to write about someone who has made my life worth living. I suppose many people would name their child/children, or their spouse, maybe even their dog. While all of those people are wonderful to have in our lives – and we love them bunches – they are not the person who has made my life worth living. To put it simply, the person who has made my life worth living is God.
I know that God has plans for me. I know that God sees me as his daughter, and princess. I know that God delights in me. Without God having a hand of protection over me when I tried to take my own life, I would not be here. It was not his plan for me to die when I had planned. He has other plans for me. I think I know what some – but not all – of them are. Fulfilling the purpose that God has for me, has given me a new zest for life. The thought of the things I can – and will – do in his name fills me with hope, and happiness.
Recently, I joined/liked a face book page called Mental Health. I really have enjoyed it because it is very active, and is full of positive thoughts, questions to ponder, and encouragement. Not long ago, they posted a great exercise that I decided to duplicate on my blog. This is what it is…
“The power of positive words is life giving. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….can we make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include WHY this word makes YOU feel positively happy?”
I have decided that I am going to try to post a different letter/word every day – starting with the letter A – and explain why the word makes me feel positively happy. I might even start over from A again after I reach the end of the alphabet.
I would love to see what positive words you come up with for the letter B!
For most people, – who observe Christmas – this is the time of year they celebrate the birth of Christ. It represents a time of reflection, happiness, joy, celebration, and love. They decorate their homes, listen to carols, and buy special gifts for their loved ones. For them, it is a wonderful time of year. While these people are enjoying their celebrations, there is a silent, and hidden population who are suffering. They are consumed by feelings of sadness, loneliness, self-loathing, and depression. For them, there is no joy.
I used to be one of those silent, suffering people. I hid myself away in order to not expose myself to the happiness of others. It was toxic to me. It would propel me into fits of rage. How could the people around me be so HAPPY when I was SUFFERING so much? Who did they think they were, going around flaunting their JOY, and LOVE in front of me – someone so SAD, and full of SELF HATRED?
For several years, I barely acknowledge this time of year, and its meaning. I would have nothing to do with Church. I would not allow a discussion of how to decorate the house to take place. Buying any sort of present for anyone was not possible – I could barely leave the house. The happier I saw people, the more I wanted to hide away. My stagnant state became even more stagnant – it is possible – in the face of such happiness. The Christmas of 2007 was the worst. It was the Christmas before I acted on my suicidal thoughts.
My thoughts revolved around only a few things, one of which was how I KNEW that this would be my LAST Christmas. I tried to enjoy it so my family would at least have that as a good memory. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not make myself do it. I think it was because in my head I was saying silent good-byes to everyone. It turned out to not be my last Christmas. I survived my attempt to take my own life.
Last Christmas was a mixed bag of emotions for me. Mentally and emotionally I was doing better. I was still experiencing some pretty strong depression symptoms, but at least I did not want to die anymore. However, this time last year I was in the hospital due to an asthma flare. Even though I was released from the hospital on Christmas Eve, I still felt pretty rotten. My poor physical health did have some impact on my mental health, but not as much as it had in the past. I even managed to find a few things to be happy about. I relented on my desire to have no Christmas decorations in the house, and allowed my daughter to put up – and decorate – a small fiber optic tree. I did, however, still spend most of my time at home – by myself.
This year things have been different. I am not going to lie and say that I am not experiencing any depression symptoms, but even just compared to last year, what I am experiencing is mild, and for the most part normal – based on what is going on with my marriage. I put up Christmas lights outside, helped decorate a Christmas tree, and have made plans to cook a few things for our Christmas meal. I have even gone to more than one store in spite of all the Christmas shopping madness. I have checked into my own life, and I am enjoying all that it has to offer me.
Are things exactly how I want them to be right now? No, absolutely not! However, I have learned that I can be happy and enjoy life – and Christmas – even when things are not how I want them.