Category Archives: Mental Health

The Skippin Ninja

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 I did a funny not-so-superhero name generator and loved the name it came up with for me.  The Skippin Ninja.  I instantly got a really cool mental image in my head.


When I was a kid and things were bothering me, or I was really sad about something, I would pretend I was a superhero of some sorts to get through the day.  That little game helped me make it through more than one really bad day when I was growing up.  


I played it only in my head, and no one ever knew that is what I was doing.  However, it always gave me the extra little bit I needed for whatever reason.  As a superhero, I had more physical strength, and I had more confidence in myself.  I had something that was secret, and it belonged only to me.


With that I game I could slay the dragons in my life.  I could right the wrongs that had been done to me.  I could become impervious to hands that hurt and words that hurt.  


I mentioned this little game and how it made me feel to my counselor a few weeks ago.  She suggested I use it now, as an adult, to help get through bad days.  Whether it was a bad day from depression, or anxiety, or my diabetes was making me feel bad, of if my asthma was acting up. 


I had not really given it much thought since then.  However, when that name came up from the name generator, The Skippin Ninja, I totally saw my new alter ego.  


I get this mental image of The Skippin Ninja kicking the snot out of any depressed thoughts, suicidal thoughts, or just plain negative thoughts I might have, and then just cheerfully skipping away, whistling a merry tune.  I can also see The Skippin Ninja motivating me to make sure I check my sugar when I am supposed to and not procrastinating when it comes to shot time.  The Skippin Ninja is so full of confidence that when I get anxious or am close to a panic attack, she prevents my anxiety from overwhelming me.  I can envision the Skippin Ninja, skipping around the people in my life that I need to set better boundaries with, all the while making silly faces and mocking them so that those people are no longer intimidating to me.

Watch out bad days, The Skippin Ninja is on the prowl. 

 


The Queen's Tuesday Meme

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The Blabbermouth Meme

1. When you were a child did you ever blab a family secret and get in trouble for it later?

I honestly cannot remember if I did this or not.  However, knowing how kids are, I am sure I probably did.  


2. Have you said anything in the last 24 hours that you regret?

Not in the last 24 hours….

3. Have you ever blabbermouthed something to a significant other that in hindsight you really should have kept to yourself?

Yes, absolutely.  

4. Have you ever written anything on your blog that you wish you could take back?

Nope.  I have written things that are certainly painful for some people to read, but I do not wish to take any of it back.

5. Are you the blabber or the blabbee? Tell us your most embarrassing blabbermouth moment.

I have been both.  I am not really one or the other now.  Trying to think of the most embarrassing one is difficult.


I think the most embarrassing one is the time I passed on the information that I had been told about a particular incident, and the person I told it to already knew about it.  In addition, the things I had been told were actually not true.  So not only did I get busted being a blabbermouth, I busted the original blabbermouth in a lie. 

6. Who is the biggest blabbermouth tattletale in your household?




This one is easy. My daughter.  Whenever I do something that I wish to keep secret, I have to specifically tell her to keep her mouth shut.  It never works.

7. You are the Blog Paparazzi! Which blogger’s real photograph are you most interested in getting?




I am new to blogging so I am just now building my list of blogs I read on a regular basis.  Every one I go to now already has a real picture of the blogger. 

8. If you could hire the loudest and most skilled blabbermouth in the universe to do your talking for you and advertise it well, what message would you like to spread to humanity? Don’t hold back. 

I would really like my town crier (blabbermouth) to pass on the message of not making judgments about people with mental illnesses.  They have a disease, just like diabetes is a disease.  They cannot help how they behave when their disease is out of control and most likely how they are behaving is not how they would behave if they were getting treatment.  We should be supportive of people with mental illnesses and encourage them to get help for their disease.  

Eye Of Newt And Tongue Of Frog…..A Little Of This And Some Of That…

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Every time I do an internet search on depression and anxiety, I am amazed at the amount of sites that state that they have the best depression and anxiety cures.   They consist of  herbal remedies, prescription medications, yoga, spa, relaxation, lobotomies, the power of positive thinking, meditation, hydrotherapy, hypnotherapy, electric shock therapy, behavioral therapy, no therapy, instant cures, prayer, sweat lodge, leeches…  I am sure you get the idea.


I have a hard enough time picking a restaurant when I have more than two to choose from, there is no way I could see all those sites and then decide on what depression treatment would work best for me.  I would either be so overwhelmed by the choices and not be able to choose anything or I would close my eyes and point my finger and whatever ever my finger pointed to is what I would try for my depression and anxiety. 

I do not know how other people wade through all of that and pick what they think would work for them.  Most people I know who are dealing with severe depression are incapable of making decisions when there are that many items to choose from.  


Most of those sites claim to have the “best” cure for depression and anxiety.  Or they say they have the “only” true cure for depression and anxiety.  How can they know that theirs is the “best” cure or the “only” cure?  People are so different from each other and there is more than one cause for depression.  Even someone who takes a more traditional, medical approach for the treatment of their depression often end up having to try more than one medication before the right combination is found for them.  


After I tried to kill myself, I was not really given any choice about where I was going to get treatment from.  At the time we had no medical insurance, which meant that there was no way I could afford to go to a private psychiatrist.  The hospital told me and my family that I should go to a local mental health, out patient facility.  It is government funded, and the patients are charged for the services there based on their income.  


The only choice I really had at the time was whether I was going to get help or not.  If I did not get help, I believe my family would have had me committed into a state run mental health facility.  I chose the out patient facility.  I did not even have to worry about how I was going to get there.  My husband asked my mother to take me.  


I was pretty angry at the time, because I felt like they were treating me like a child.  However, now I see the wisdom in what they did.  They knew that I was not in a place where I could make any decisions about my own well being, so they made things very easy for me.  

After I started treatment there it took about 8 different medications and a trip to a state run mental health facility before the proper combination of medicine could be figured out for me.  I also see the counselor once a week.  So when I read the sites that claim to have the “best” or “only” cures, I am very skeptical.   I am not discounting their product and saying it has absolutely no value in the treatment of depression.  What I am saying though is that, in my opinion,  there is no singular thing that works on depression.  I believe that most people need to employ the use of more than one type of depression treatment/medication, and these sites advertising they way they do, can be very misleading to the newly diagnosed. 



I rarely recommend, or advise anyone about depression and anxiety treatments, but today I feel compelled to.  Choose carefully when deciding what treatment you think will work best for you.  Do not get discouraged if you have to use more than one type of treatment for your depression.  Finally, if you are like most people with severe depression and have a hard time choosing where to start, get someone you trust to help you make that decision.  There is no shame in asking for help.




 

Daily Journal – January 11th, 2010

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Oh what a nice, quiet day it has been.  My husband and daughter have spent the day away doing things for other people.  They took a truck load of firewood to my grandmother, chopped up some firewood for us, went to my mother-in-law’s house to repair/replace some frozen/busted water pipes.  I have had the house to myself and Minnie and I have been cuddling under the covers together.
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Minnie

I got very clever this evening.  I had accidentally let the fire die down until is was nothing but coals.  I put some more wood on it thinking it would start back up.  It did not.  In the past when we would go camping, I would just blow on the hot coals and the fire would start back up.  Seeing as I have asthma now, I do not have the lung capacity to do that anymore.  I got the air mattress pump and pointed the nozzle towards the hot coals and pumped the handle.  The fire started right back up and there was no work involved.  Yay me!

What is it and what do you do with it?

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Join Us for Monday Mayhem

Welcome to Monday Mayhem where no two Mondays are ever the same. This week we are doing the “What is it and what do you do with it?” meme. For each image, describe in your opinion, what it is and what you would do with it.You can use a simple explanation or story. Have fun.

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A small fish tank.  I would put a goldfish in it and name the goldfish Jaws.

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 The bottom part is a headless octopus robot.  Where its head should be is a dog with long ears, sticking straight up in the air.  I would use it to rule the world.


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This looks like some sort of fungal disease on someone’s foot.  I would do nothing with it.  In fact I would run away.  This is the very reason I have a foot phobia.

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 It is a hot air balloon.  As simple as that.  I would do nothing with it.  The idea of flying through the air with only a little flame keeping me there is so not appealing.


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A dollar bill, and approximately my net worth.

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This picture is very interesting.  To me it appears to be some decorative stone work on the side of a building.  It is very appealing to me.  I would probably stand on the side walk and stare at it for a while.

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Poo!  Poo!  Poo!  I see enough of this from my dogs.

Picture of the Day – January 11th, 2010

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The last few years of having a mom who was “checked out” due to severe depression has been hard on my daughter, Anna.  In an effort to try and rebuild that relationship and because she really enjoys taking pictures, she was given a page in my blog to show off her pictures.  All the pictures you will see in this section, will have been taken by my daughter.  I personally think she does an awesome job.

Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

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Anna’s shoe.  
Anna has this strange fascination with her Converse. 

Daily Journal – January 10th, 2010

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The creative juices sure have been flowing for the last twenty-four hours.  I have had a blast working on the blog.  I started participating in several memes.  They have been so much fun to play with.

I am sure ya’ll are wondering what a meme is.  This is the information I found on The Daily MeMe that explains it.


The word meme is pronounced so that it rhymes with the word dream. 


In the context of web logs / ‘blogs / blogging and other kinds of personal web sites it’s some kind of list of questions that you saw somewhere else and you decided to answer the questions. Then someone else sees them and does them and so on and so on. These are usually questions and not some multiple choice quizzes that determine some result at the end (what color you are most like, what cartoon character are you, what 80s movie are you).

For me, they are a fun and interesting way of giving me a jumping off point for blog topics, a way to get my blog listed around the internet, and a way to meet new people.  


Oops!  You know you are busted when you get a text from your mother at three in the morning telling you to go to bed. 

My husband and I had our fourteenth wedding anniversary on January 6th.  The thing is we both forgot about it.  I happened to remember about it this evening.  We both got a chuckle out of it.

Chicken Butt

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Sunday Stealing :  The Current Obsessions Meme

Book:  The Stand
I have read Stephen King books since I was a teenager.  I have a collection of most of the books he has written.  I love what he writes about and I love how he writes.

Snack:  It really depends.  
I can go months only wanting the same snack, then it will change to something else.  However, I seem to like popcorn the most often.

Restaurant:  A little family run Chinese restaurant near us.  They have a food bar we enjoy eating from.  They used to have pot stickers on the food bar, but not many people ate them.  So when we go there to eat now, they always make us our own order of pot stickers without us even having to ask for them.

Beverage: Coke!  The problem is that I am a diabetic so I cannot drink coke like I used to.  I have to settle for Coke Zero.  Sometimes I will drink a regular Coke as a treat.

Decor:  anything that has to do with birds.  I like birds.  Any kind of bird.

Actor:  Johnny Depp He has a nice butt!

Actress:  Molly Ringwald  Because she brings back memories of the 80’s

Movie:  Fried Green Tomatoes  I like the main characters alter ego, Twanda.  Righter of Wrongs.  Sometimes when my depression is winning the day, I pretend I am Twanda to get through the day.  Also I like the scene where the main character gets mad when the teenage girls steal her parking spot and she slams her car into their little bug car over and over and says “Face it Girls.  I am older and have more insurance”

TV show:  Hoarders  It is just amazing how bad these people’s houses can get.  I am not a hoarder but I really hate people touching my stuff, just like the people on Hoarders do.

Hobby:  Blogging  I have become addicted to blogging

Band:  ummm I am not really into bands and the like.

Song:  Cuppy Cake Song by Strawberry Shortcake  That song makes me smile every time I hear it.


Meme:  I just discovered the joy of memes, so I have not picked a favorite yet

Blog:  WTIT: The Blog   Because it made me laugh really hard out loud.


Lover:  My husband  He has been my best friend and lover for fourteen years now.  Ummm…as I was typing this I realized that both my husband and I forgot our anniversary.  Oops!!



Friend:  Lorna  We have so much in common.



Quote:  Courtesy of my daughter who says this ALL the time.  “Mom, guess what?” “What?” “Chicken butt!”


Peeve:  someone else’s feet touching me, because I am afraid of the gross feet germs.


Sport:  Thumb Wrestling  anyone with thumbs can do it.


Singer:  Madonna  Some of my best memories of the 80’s have Madonna singing in them

Confessions Of A Slacker

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I am a slacker.  I freely admit that.  I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  

I think my slacking ways started when I was a kid and got significantly worse when the depression started.  I was a slacker in school, have been known to be a slacker at work, and am most definitely am a slacker now.

As a kid I was always one of those kids that was very smart, but “never worked to my potential”.  I am sure I was a source of extreme frustration to my teachers and parents. If it was not something I was truly interested in, following the path of least resistance (just plain not doing anything in most cases) was what I would choose to do.

I read books at recess instead of playing with the other kids.  Keeping my clothes picked up was too much of a bother, it was so much easier to just throw them in the bottom of my closet, or under my bed.  Once I reached a point in school where home work was assigned, it just seemed easier to me to not bother with it.  My parents gave me very few chores when I was growing up, and very often I resisted greatly when it came time to do them.  I was well on my way to being a professional slacker early on in my life.

In high school I would read what I wanted to in class, rarely participated in class discussions, and very often slept my way through the class.  In literature class, we would usually be given our text books on the first day of school.  When I would get home from school that day, I would read every story in the literature book, and then for the rest of the year pay absolutely no attention to the class.  I liked the stories, it was too much work to dissect them.  


Choosing the path of least resistance always seemed like a good idea at the time, but most of the time it did not work out to my benefit.  Often I would just agree with what someone wanted to do, because it seemed easier to do that than actually speak up with an opinion I might have to defend.  Or I would be silent and let the choices be made for me.  


My slacker way of taking the path of least resistance, led to two failed marriages, an inability to hold on to a job for a long period of time, and in me not really having my own voice.  Not having my own voice meant that I was very often frustrated with the people in my life.  For the most part the fault was with me not them, after all, I was the one who was choosing not to speak up for myself.  


When I developed severe depression I lost much of my motivation to do anything.  As a life long slacker already, to lose what motivation that I did have turned me into a fixture on the couch or in my bed.  There was very little I managed to accomplish on a daily basis, and my family had to pick up the slack.  The path of least resistance often became me going to bed and putting the covers over my head.  I totally did not have to deal with anything that way.  That was ultimate slacking.  


Now that I have been in treatment for my depression for a few months now, I am getting some of my motivation back.  I also realized that it was not healthy for me to go through life without my own voice and letting people make decisions for me.  


The problem is, I have found it really hard to put aside the life long habit of slacking.  In many ways taking the path of least resistance still appeals to me, even though it is very unhealthy (mentally and physically) for me.  I have found that at this time in my life that I want my own voice, and I need my own voice.  It really has become time for me to own up to being a slacker and then become very serious about unslacking myself.  


I am not really sure how to go about this.  I think what I should do is sort of adopt the approach I have been using to have a more positive mental attitude.  Every day I will pick one thing to do around the house that I normally would avoid because it was too much trouble to do.  Right now one thing is best, I tend to get overwhelmed and do nothing when I put too many things in front of me to accomplish.  I will continue doing this every day, until the habit of being productive replaces the habit of being a slacker.  I figure by then, I will be in such of habit of getting off my butt and doing something that I won’t even consider it a chore anymore.  


The other thing I need to do to unslack myself is to find my own voice.  I need to get in the habit of being able to voice my opinion with other people so I am not just carried along, like a seed in the wind, doing what everyone else wants to do.  I need to learn how to speak up for myself and set boundaries with the people in my life.  I think practicing this will be a benefit.  Taking each situation and person as they come along and dealing with them in a one on one basis, clearly but not rudely establishing new ground rules for how I would like to people to interact with me. 

So, yeah I am a slacker. I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  I really want to be able to put the slacker badge aside, and be able to wear the self motivated badge with pride.  

Daily Journal – January 9th, 2010

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I had people over for supper last night.  I am sure you are thinking that this is no big deal.  If you are, you would be wrong.  I have not had anyone over to my house, since Fourth of July two years ago.  I had reached a point where my house was my safety place and it made me very anxious to have people, other than my husband and daughter, in it.  It was a simple start last night.  Our company was our neighbors, who I am very familiar with.  But it was a start.  We had home made spaghetti and a key lime pie.  Yummy!  Since I was able to accomplish this task without too much stress on me, I think I will have to try it again soon.

The snow is still on the ground, unfortunately though, it has mostly turned to ice.  That means the roads are still bad.  I have been staying inside, where it is warm.  All bundled up under my snuggie.  

Life feels very good today.