I am a slacker.  I freely admit that.  I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  

I think my slacking ways started when I was a kid and got significantly worse when the depression started.  I was a slacker in school, have been known to be a slacker at work, and am most definitely am a slacker now.

As a kid I was always one of those kids that was very smart, but “never worked to my potential”.  I am sure I was a source of extreme frustration to my teachers and parents. If it was not something I was truly interested in, following the path of least resistance (just plain not doing anything in most cases) was what I would choose to do.

I read books at recess instead of playing with the other kids.  Keeping my clothes picked up was too much of a bother, it was so much easier to just throw them in the bottom of my closet, or under my bed.  Once I reached a point in school where home work was assigned, it just seemed easier to me to not bother with it.  My parents gave me very few chores when I was growing up, and very often I resisted greatly when it came time to do them.  I was well on my way to being a professional slacker early on in my life.

In high school I would read what I wanted to in class, rarely participated in class discussions, and very often slept my way through the class.  In literature class, we would usually be given our text books on the first day of school.  When I would get home from school that day, I would read every story in the literature book, and then for the rest of the year pay absolutely no attention to the class.  I liked the stories, it was too much work to dissect them.  


Choosing the path of least resistance always seemed like a good idea at the time, but most of the time it did not work out to my benefit.  Often I would just agree with what someone wanted to do, because it seemed easier to do that than actually speak up with an opinion I might have to defend.  Or I would be silent and let the choices be made for me.  


My slacker way of taking the path of least resistance, led to two failed marriages, an inability to hold on to a job for a long period of time, and in me not really having my own voice.  Not having my own voice meant that I was very often frustrated with the people in my life.  For the most part the fault was with me not them, after all, I was the one who was choosing not to speak up for myself.  


When I developed severe depression I lost much of my motivation to do anything.  As a life long slacker already, to lose what motivation that I did have turned me into a fixture on the couch or in my bed.  There was very little I managed to accomplish on a daily basis, and my family had to pick up the slack.  The path of least resistance often became me going to bed and putting the covers over my head.  I totally did not have to deal with anything that way.  That was ultimate slacking.  


Now that I have been in treatment for my depression for a few months now, I am getting some of my motivation back.  I also realized that it was not healthy for me to go through life without my own voice and letting people make decisions for me.  


The problem is, I have found it really hard to put aside the life long habit of slacking.  In many ways taking the path of least resistance still appeals to me, even though it is very unhealthy (mentally and physically) for me.  I have found that at this time in my life that I want my own voice, and I need my own voice.  It really has become time for me to own up to being a slacker and then become very serious about unslacking myself.  


I am not really sure how to go about this.  I think what I should do is sort of adopt the approach I have been using to have a more positive mental attitude.  Every day I will pick one thing to do around the house that I normally would avoid because it was too much trouble to do.  Right now one thing is best, I tend to get overwhelmed and do nothing when I put too many things in front of me to accomplish.  I will continue doing this every day, until the habit of being productive replaces the habit of being a slacker.  I figure by then, I will be in such of habit of getting off my butt and doing something that I won’t even consider it a chore anymore.  


The other thing I need to do to unslack myself is to find my own voice.  I need to get in the habit of being able to voice my opinion with other people so I am not just carried along, like a seed in the wind, doing what everyone else wants to do.  I need to learn how to speak up for myself and set boundaries with the people in my life.  I think practicing this will be a benefit.  Taking each situation and person as they come along and dealing with them in a one on one basis, clearly but not rudely establishing new ground rules for how I would like to people to interact with me. 

So, yeah I am a slacker. I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  I really want to be able to put the slacker badge aside, and be able to wear the self motivated badge with pride.