Daily Journal – January 19th, 2010

Posted on January 19, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Yes, I know I have not written a journal entry for several days. Nothing was really going on so I thought ya’ll might be bored reading about my boredom.

My husband is working out of town this week and probably most of next week as well. I miss him but I do enjoy the house being quieter.

Last night Anna and I went to Bojangles to get some chicken for supper. We went through the drive thru. We had to wait a bit for our food because they were cooking it. They had us wait at the window rather than tell us to pull up. After a few minutes some teenage boy stuck his head out of the window and asked me what I was waiting for. I looked at him with a blank expression on my face and said, “food”. He shut the drive thru window after that.

I am finding that I spend less and less time on my games and more time in the blog world. When I am not writing, I am reading other blogs. I am really enjoying it. I have discovered a whole new world on the internet.

A friend sent me a very sweet note yesterday about how much she was enjoying the blog.

I am working on The Skippin’ Ninja blog. I hope everything turns out good and people like it when I am ready to have it up and running.

Picture of the Day – January 19th, 2010

Posted on January 19, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

The last few years of having a mom who was “checked out” due to severe depression has been hard on my daughter, Anna. In an effort to try and rebuild that relationship and because she really enjoys taking pictures, she was given a page in my blog to show off her pictures. All the pictures you will see in this section, will have been taken by my daughter. I personally think she does an awesome job.

Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

Anna’s Bad Hair Day

(I admit that I took this one)

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Most of you who are reading this are probably familiar with the children’s book, “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”. At one point I had the whole thing memorized from having read it to my daughter so many times. When she was hungry she would even say she was a hungry caterpillar.

That book came to mind today. I was thinking about how much I have changed in the last few years, and how much more change I have to look forward to. How I am in a transformation process, that I do not know how long it is going to last or what the final outcome outcome might be.

Very much like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, who spends most of his time as a caterpillar preparing for a transformation, and in the transformation process itself, I feel as if I spent most of my life preparing for a transformation, or in the process of transforming. For the first time in my life, I actually feel as if I have grown up.

There was a question in one of the memes I did today that asked if there was anything I could change about my past, what would I change. There was a similar question in a meme I did last week. From what I can tell, it appears that I lot of people have something in their past that they wish they could change. Each time I got that question, I answered it in a similar fashion.

Remember when The Very Hungry Caterpillar had the tummy ache because of eating too much of the wrong things? He learned from that experience. I think if The Very Hungry Caterpillar were asked if he could change anything about his past, he would probably answer “No”. He became a different and slightly better caterpillar because of the tummy ache. There is not one thing I would change about my past. Nothing. It is not as if I have had the most pleasant life, far from it in fact. Some things in my past have caused me pain for years, yet they still help shaped who I am now and who I will be in the future.

Would I be as aware of domestic violence issues, if a former spouse had not broken my nose in a fit of rage? I doubt I would be. If something is not in my frame of reference I tend to not think about it. I know I would not be so aware of major depression, its symptoms, treatments, and long term outlook, if I was not living with it myself. Same with my anxiety disorder, diabetes, and asthma. I know without my childhood experiences, I would have no clue about what it is like to live in an extremely dysfunctional family. Those experiences allow me to empathize with people in similar situations, and maybe even be able to provide them with effective support.

Now that I finally feel like I am a grownup, I can see a few truths about myself. I have used some negative past experiences as excuses for my own negative behaviors. When my major depression was really bad, before I started getting treatment, I used the diabetes and asthma as excuses for why I had no interest in going anywhere, instead of being honest with people. To some extent, I have control over my depression. About a year before I started getting treatment for it, I knew there was something terribly wrong with me. I even knew what it was. I chose not to tell anyone about it. I chose to go ahead with my suicide plans instead of telling anyone that those thoughts were going through my head.

I wonder if The Hungry Caterpillar was afraid when he started his transformation into The Beautiful Butterfly? I know that there have been times when I have been afraid during my own transforming process. I have been afraid because, especially lately, I am changing a great deal. It has caused a shift in my family dynamics. I am most definitely not the same person my husband married. That person went with the flow of things, allowed other people to make decisions for her, and did not stand up for herself. Now, I am all about setting boundaries, standing up for myself, and finding and using my own voice to make decisions and participate fully with things, instead of just going with the flow all the time.

My transformation has been difficult for my husband at times. It has caused some friction in our marriage. There have been times when I have thought we were not going to make it through this process together. What gives me hope that we will make it, is that I see him earnestly trying to keep up with my transformation and working on himself as well.

In my head, I keep seeing myself as a beautiful butterfly. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I will have a beauty inside me that I have never experienced before. I will no longer be filled with negative thoughts, emotions, and actions. Instead, I see my butterfly self as someone who exudes peace, tranquility, and positivity. &
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It Was Probably His Dog's Poo I Stepped In Anyway

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Welcome to Monday Mayhem, where no two Mondays are the same.

Today’s meme is the scenario meme. For each prompt, simply write your best answer.

1. You see a strange car pull up to your neighbor’s house every day at lunch time. You accidental glance into the window of the house and notice that your ‘happily married neighbor’ is fooling around! What do you do?

I tell my husband. Our neighbor is a young man that we have known for fourteen years. As he has grown up he has spent a lot of time at our house. He was raised by his grandparents, and did not have his own father around most of the time. He and my husband have a good relationship. So after I tell my husband, he would find a way to speak to our neighbor about what is going on and try and find out why he is doing what he is doing. From there, whatever the answers are my husband would do his best to help our neighbor make the proper decisions.

2. You are at the mall and a mom with really annoying screaming little kids is walking in front of you. She goes to give her kids a quarter for the giant gum ball machine and she accidentally drops a $10 bill and doesn’t realize it. What do you do?

I would give it back to her. For me $10 sometimes represents a lot of money. I would hate to think that she really needed that $10 for something and did not have it anymore. Plus, in the past people have given me back money I have accidentally dropped, I see it as paying it forward.

3. You get an email from a candy company telling you that they will send you 6 pounds of delicious chocolate if you blog about their product. When you get the product and try it you realize that it is the worst chocolate that you have ever tasted. What do you do?

Most likely I would have said no in the first place because I am a diabetic, but for the sake of argument lets pretend that I would say yes to their offer. If the chocolate came and tasted that bad, I would call up the candy company and tell them how much I disliked their candy. I would also ask, if they would like for me to ship back the chocolate.

4. Texting while driving is one of the most dangerous and annoying things someone could do. Yet, what would you do if you were driving and listening to the radio when the announcer says that he will give $10,000 to the first person with your name that texts a message to him?

I have a hard time texting even when I am not driving….in this case though I would do like I usually do, ask my daughter to do the texting for me.

5. You’ve been invited to your boss’s house for a dinner party. It’s dark out and there is poor lighting when you get there. As soon as you get inside you realize that you have stepped in dog poop and you have tracked into your boss’s house. What do you do?

I would pretend that I had to get something out of my car so I could wipe the poo that was on my shoe onto the grass. Then I would not say a word, and hope the boss would not notice. It was probably his dog’s poo I stepped in anyway.

6. You are at a restaurant waiting for your food to arrive. You’ve waited nearly 30 minutes since the moment you placed your order when your food finally shows up. There is a hair on the top of the food. Do you send it back and wait another 30 minutes or do you deal?

Oh! I would send it back. There is no way I would eat hairy food, especially when it was not my own hair.

7. If you had the power to do so, what would be the one question that you would like to ask anyone who reads this?

What their answers to number 1 and 2 would be.

The Simple Woman's Daybook – January 18, 2010

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

~The Simple Woman’s Daybook~

Would you like to linger on the simple things…then join me and many others in taking a little look into the day plans and thoughts of those who are focusing on simplicity…beauty of the ‘everyday moments’.

FOR TODAY… January 18, 2010

Outside my window…much warmer than last week, and muddy. We had loads of rain last night.

I am thinking…that it is good to sleep more than I used to be able to.

I am thankful for…good neighbors

I am wearing…Pajamas

I am remembering…how bad I USED to feel

I am going…out much later on. My husband is working out of town and our paycheck was very small last week. He got an advance on his paycheck for me to pick up, so that I had a bit more money for things.

I am currently reading…mostly blogs and doing research.

I am hoping…to get started on writing a book in one week.

On my mind…concern for my husband. He is working so hard and not getting enough sleep.

Noticing that…I have been a little down the last few days.

Pondering these words… “ Every day may not be a good day, but there is something good in every day.”

I makes me think about my attempt to find something good in every day and in every situation. It is a good reminder for me.

From the kitchen…no sounds of water dripping. We had to leave the water dripping almost every night last week. It was so cold we thought our pump would freeze

Around the house…enjoying the quiet time.

One of my favorite things~is talking to my daughter.

Picture of the Day – January 18th, 2010

Posted on January 18, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

Buster and Minnie Playing

Not Slacking

Posted on January 17, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

I apologize for getting my blog out so late today. I really do try and get about half of it done the day before, so it is not so much work to do at one time, but that did not happen this time. I got so caught up in learning new things about what I could add to the blog that I lost track of time. Also, my husband has been working out of town the last few days and he came home early this morning for a visit that lasted a few hours. I wanted to spend some time with him. With all of that, I did not get a chance to work on the blog until late this afternoon.

My husband works for a logging company. He drives a logging truck. Right now they are working in Tennessee. The mill hired the company he works for, to exclusively supply them with logs twenty-four hours a day for the next two weeks. My husband got picked for the night shift. Since I am usually sleeping while he is awake, for right now, we do not even get to talk on the phone much. So the visit today was a nice treat.

Layout Changes

Posted on January 17, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

I am always learning new things about making blogs easy to navigate through and pretty to look at. Take last night for example, I was working on a new blog, The Skippin’ Ninja, and I ran across some great tutorials. Being the curious person I am, I had to read through them and implement a few of the things I saw. It took me hours and hours. I am new to the type of coding that has to be done in the blogger layouts, so there were many failures. I did have a few successes though.

Take your time and look through the changes I made, and give me your honest opinion about them. I am looking for things like…Does it make my blog easier to navigate? Does it make my blog look less busy and less distracting? Is the site pretty to look at?

I am looking forward to your comments.

Jump Out Of A Perfectly Good Airplane!?!?

Posted on January 17, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Today we ripped this meme off a blogger and blog named

Astrid Paramita. She states that she stole it at BubbleBoo. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing: The Trivia About Me Meme

Opening…

Do you get regular massages?

Do you have an answering machine?

What cuss word do you use the most?

I try not to cuss, but I have to admit the one I use the most is “Shit”

Are you underweight or overweight?

Overweight

Can you see your veins?

Yes, however even though they are visible they still stuck BIG TIME when it comes time for an IV.

Favorite…

Soap?

Anything with Lavender in it.

Fruit?

naner

Kind of red meat?

Anything that comes from a cow, that is in the shape of a ribeye, that is cooked rare with sprinkle of blue cheese on top.

Fish?

salmon

Candy bar?

I do not eat candy anymore, but when I did, it was a tie between an almond joy and a kit kat.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?

That would be a no.

Eaten lobster?

mmmmm yesssss, good stuff!

Climbed a mountain?

Part of one

Been skydiving?

Why in the world would I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?

Been water skiing?

If by water skiing you mean, being drug behind a boat as I hung onto a rope, and had gallons of lake water streaming into my mouth, then yes, I have been water skiing.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life?

Nope! All of the parts make a whole. With out those things, the good and the bad, I would not be who I am today.

Like your nose?

When it is not dripping snot from allergies, which is all the time, so I guess I really do not like it.

Like salt and vinegar chips?

Love ’em!

Eat salsa?

Yep, my grandma’s home made salsa mostly.

Own a boat?

No way! I get sea sick very very easy.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?

Saying things that hurt other people’s feelings. Words do damage.

Your most macho trait?

This one is hard, I am a girly girl. I guess liking to argue, but not as much as I used to.

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?

Fourteen years.

Your most embarrassing thoughts?

Oh geez! Those are very private.

Your most shameful moment?

After I tried to kill myself in May, I went into a coma, when I was coming out of the coma apparently, I became violent. I had to be restrained. I do not recall any of that, but when I finally became aware of my surroundings, I overheard the guards in my room talking about how I had behaved. It made me feel ve
ry bad and ashamed, even though I obviously was not in my “right” mind when I did those things.

This/That…

Bath/Shower?

Bath

Markers/Crayons?

crayons, I cannot poke my eye out with them.

Pens/Pencils?

Pens

Jelly/Cream Cheese?

cream cheese

Bagel/Toast?

toast

Finish…

My greatest weakness is…my emotions

I wish I was…mentally healthy

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…cheat on my husband, be mean to my daughter, eat poo

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…these little tiny baby octopus

Firsts…

Credit card you had?

Visa

Loan you got was for?

Car

Paycheck was for how much?

I have not worked in fourteen years, so I cannot remember

Time you had stitches?
About five years ago, after a foot surgery. I hated them. I almost took them out myself, but my husband would not let me. Something about blood and things coming out that should not.

Time you went to the hospital for something?
About three weeks ago. I spent six days in the hospital for a very bad asthma attack. I got to go home on Christmas Eve.

Lasts…

List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?

cream of wheat, orange, chicken salad, tuna, cream of wheat again, pb&j, and now red beans and rice.

Last thing you used a credit card for?

American Girl stuff.

What was your job previous to the one you have now?

I have been a domestic engineer for 14 years, before that I was a secretary.

Last thing you celebrated?

The last thing I celebrated was something personal. I was able to leave my “safety area” for hours and not feel anxious.

Last time you were at a sports bar?

I do not even remember. It has been that long.

Pinkie Rings

Posted on January 17, 2010 by Margaret Tidwell

Unconscious Mutterings

Free association is described as a “psychonanalytic procedure in which a person is encouraged to give free rein to his or her thoughts and feelings, verbalizing whatever comes into the mind without monitoring its content.” Over time, this technique is supposed to help bring forth repressed thoughts and feelings that the person can then work through to gain a better sense of self.

That’s an admirable goal, but for the purposes of this excercise, we’re just hoping to have a little fun with the technique. Each week I’ll post ten words to which you can respond to with the first thing that comes to mind.

“Rules are, there are no rules.” There are no right or wrong answers. Don’t limit yourself to one word responses; just say everything that pops into your head.

I say … and you think … ?

Weak :: Me

Flashy :: pinkie rings

Sack :: potato

Business :: none of your

Purple :: my favorite color

Fan :: oriental

Airline :: Eastern

Guide :: medicine

Lunch :: date

Exercise :: ugh!!

TEST

Just another WordPress site

Daily Journal – January 19th, 2010

Picture of the Day – January 19th, 2010

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

It Was Probably His Dog's Poo I Stepped In Anyway

The Simple Woman's Daybook – January 18, 2010

~The Simple Woman’s Daybook~

Picture of the Day – January 18th, 2010

Not Slacking

Layout Changes

Jump Out Of A Perfectly Good Airplane!?!?

Pinkie Rings

Unconscious Mutterings