Tag Archives: Mental Health

Beautiful Blogger

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Did I ever tell you how much I love getting Blogging Awards? Well I do! It is so nice when a fellow blogger appreciates me and my blog. I received this Beautiful Blogger Award from Susie Kline of Motherhoot.  Susie is a super sweet lady, with a great blog.  I hope that you all take the time to visit her.

There are two rules that come with this award.  1. Pass it on to seven other Beautiful Bloggers and 2. tell seven things about me.

1. Diana Lee of Somebody Heal Me I really like Diana.  I met her on twitter and have found that I have so much in common with her.  She is a very supportive internet friend.  I enjoy reading her blog and also her tweets.

2. BPD in OKC I do not think this young lady knows how valuable her blog is to me and to others.  The rawness and honesty she displays in her blog is refreshing, painful, and enlightening all at the same time.

3. Voice in Recovery I really admire this blogger.  She is working so hard to bring awareness to the Mental Health Community.  She uses her VOICE daily to bring positive messages to people.  I love how encouraging she is.

4. Wounded Genius This is a great blogger, with an unusual way of blogging.  Go take a look at her blog, you will enjoy it.

5. Lauren Hale of My Postpartum Voice I really like the resource Lauren is providing for women who have either had or are going through Postpartum Depression.  Not to mention she has turned out to be a valuable part of my internet support system.

6. Gayle of Monkey With Glasses has a very thought provoking blog. I enjoy reading what she has written and on more than one occasion she has inspired me to write a post.

7. Chato B Stewart of Mental Health Humor writes one of my favorite blogs.  Mr. Stewart is a very sweet guy who draws his own cartoons about the humor we can find in our Mental Health issues.  Not only does his blog contain great cartoons, he also posts good information and shares some of his story with his readers.  Although I do not think he can post the award on his site, nor follow the rules set out in it, I still wanted to recognize him as a Beautiful Blogger.

Seven Things About Myself

  1. My first grandchild is due to be born in February.  My son and daughter-in-law are expecting their first child and I am going to be a grandmother.
  2. I love fish.  Not just to eat, but I also enjoy watching them in my aquarium.  They are very relaxing and fun to watch in their little community.
  3. When I was growing up I learned how to scuba dive.  I got to go diving in the Cayman Islands, where I was able to go to a depth of a little over 100 feet.
  4. I used to get lost a lot when I was a kid.  I even got lost in Amsterdam.
  5. I dislike feet.  For some reason I find feet and the thought of feet very gross.  I am always afraid that I will catch some flesh eating germ from someone’s feet.
  6. If I could live anywhere in the world, I would love to live in the middle of several acres in Alaska.  I am a hermit at heart and I would enjoy just being able to live that way.
  7. The first thing I found attractive about my husband was his butt.  For some reason, I have always thought he had a sexy butt.

Thankful Five

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I love being able to be thankful for the little things in life, and doing this post every week is a wonderful reminder of that. Since I have been doing Thankful Five, I am finding more things to be thankful for.  With finding so much everyday to be thankful for, I find that my days are more pleasant.

  1. I am thankful I decided to go to the Emergency Room and have my infection checked out.
  2. I am thankful that my husband is very good with tools and building things, he was able to help my parents with their fence.
  3. I am thankful for antibiotics that can be used when you really need them.
  4. I am thankful for pain medicine that can be used when you really need it.
  5. I am thankful for the opportunity to meet people from around the world.

What are you thankful for this week?

Freaky Friday

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Please be aware this post contains some pictures that some readers may find disturbing, or just down right gross.

I had to go to the emergency room yesterday.  Nothing major or life threatening, just something that really needed a doctor to take a look at it.  I had this very large bump, about three inches in diameter.  It was extremely painful and was looking worse and worse as time went on.  I figured it was a skin staph infection, the kind that are fairly easy to treat.  I did know that it would have to be drained and that would involve a scalpel. Draining it also would relieve the pain I was experiencing.

This is what it looked like before I went to the emergency room.  It is not the best picture I ever took, but it will give you an idea about how it looked.

Unfortunately, when the doctor sliced it open to allow it to drain, barely anything came out. She said that meant that the infection was still hard, I believe she called it a core, or a pus core. Since it could not be drained, it meant no relief from the pain. The doctor decided to give me an antibiotic to clear it up, and also some pain medication. I was also told that, even though the cultures had not come back yet, it appears to be MRSA. If the cultures say something different when they come back, then I was told the hospital would call me and let me know if I needed a different type of antibiotic.

In the 24 hours since the attempt at draining and the beginning of the course of antibiotics, I think it is starting to look better. The swelling has gone down some, and it is draining a little bit. Draining is good, it means the infection is getting out. However, it is still incredibly painful. Here is what it is looking like now. Again the picture is not that great, but it sort of gives you an idea.

I scared the emergency room people. When I got there my blood pressure was 175/125. I am sure it was because of the pain and the fact that I was freaking out a bit about the procedure I knew was going to happen. The Doctor insisted I take something for my my blood pressure. About thirty minutes after I took it, my blood pressure came down to acceptable ranges.

Fortunately, the doctor knew without me saying anything, that I was in a great deal of pain. Before I left, she had the nurse give me something for pain.

After I left the Emergency Room, and got my prescriptions filled, we headed down to Augusta to visit my parents. Farrol is helping dad complete a wooden fence so it is easier to keep up with my parent’s dogs.

I am hoping that by tomorrow, the infection looks even better than it does today and the pain is greatly reduced. I have pain medicine but it makes me very sleepy. I do not know how it is for anyone, things like pain medication that make me so sleepy, affect my mood as well. It sort of makes me feel down in the dumps or close to it. Does anyone else experience that with pain medication?

I Hate Restless Leg Syndrome

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Restless leg syndrome (RLS) is a neurological condition that causes someone to have an irresistible urge to move their legs (In some cases their arms as well).  Despite the fact that some people, including doctors, do not acknowledge it as a real condition, it is.

In my family we have what is called Primary RLS.  Basically that means the people in my family have RLS that is not caused by an injury or a medication.  The people in my family that we know for sure have it or had it are my great-grandmother, my grandfather, my mother, my brother, possibly my son, myself, and my daughter has started exhibiting some symptoms.

Some symptoms of RLS are:

  • A strong urge (for me it is a horrible and irresistible urge) to move your legs (for some people it can include their arms).  The need to move your legs is often accompanied by extremely uncomfortable sensations, like feeling as if there are bugs crawling around in your legs, feeling as if you are being stuck with pins and needles (much different than having your foot fall asleep feeling),  pulling, tugging or and/or gnawing.
  • The symptoms are usually worse at night or when you are resting.  Some people find that they have symptoms when they are required to sit for long periods, like in a car. Symptoms are usually worse the more sleepy you are.
  • Your RLS symptoms get better with movement.  Either they go away for a short period of time or they are reduced. The relief usually begins shortly after your legs (or arms) become active, and will usually last the duration of the activity.

RLS can make it so you have an extremely difficult time falling asleep and/or staying asleep.  Lack of sleep is one of the chief complaints by people with this disorder. The lack of sleep caused by this disorder can have a huge negative impact on your physical and mental health.

When my RLS symptoms are out of control, it really affects my mental health, as well as my sleep and how I feel physically.  Just the symptoms alone are enough to affect my mental health because they feel so bad.  In fact, the final thing that pushed me into the act of suicide was the thought that since my husband and I had lost our health insurance I would not be able to obtain the medication I need to keep my symptoms controlled.

To me, the misunderstanding about how badly RLS can affect someone can be equated to the misunderstanding about people with mental health issues.  It is a horrible disorder than eats away at your life.  For me and my family, it is nothing like it is portrayed in the TV commercials where it is only slightly annoying.  My mother has probably not had a good night’s sleep in years because her symptoms are so bad. Her medications for it do not alleviate all of her symptoms.  I am caught in a catch 22 type of situation.  The medications I need to treat my depression make the symptoms worse, which means I have had to increase my dose of RLS medication twice in the last year.  My brother sometimes gets symptoms in his arms as well as his usual ones in his legs.

People who have Primary RLS cannot look forward to a time when their symptoms might go away, like people whose RLS is solely caused by a medication or injury can.  Instead, our symptoms almost always get worse as we get older.  Because so few doctors really understand how insidious this illness can be, they are often at a loss on how to treat us.  Often for us to get any relief from our symptoms, we have to take a higher dose of the RLS medications than is normally given out, and this tends to make most doctors a little wary about prescribing those higher doses.

I hate RLS with a passion.  I hate how it makes my arms and legs feel.  I hate how it takes away my sleep.  I hate how I see it affecting my mother.  I hate the fact that my children most likely have it.  I hate how it turns the simple act of taking a nap into a huge deal.  I hate that it often keeps me and my husband from sleeping in the same bed.

Thankful Five

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Now is the time when I share with you a few of the things I am thankful for.  I hope you are also taking the time, to think about what you are thankful for.  I have found this a wonderful way to keep myself grounded and also to keep my mind focused on the positive.  Many thanks to Chere Michelle for inspiring me to do this.

  1. I am thankful for the air conditioning that is keeping me cool during this extremely hot summer.
  2. I am thankful for the idea to make gazpacho over the weekend.  It was so good.
  3. I am thankful for new internet friends.
  4. I am so thankful for the good sleep I got last night.  First time in weeks my legs have not bothered me.
  5. I am thankful for my local Walgreens, they figured out how to knock $150 off of the price of my leg medication.

What are you thankful for this week?

How Well Do You Accept Criticism?

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I was reading a blog post  by William Cody Bateman, titled How To Take Criticism.  I really like what he had to say in his post and it inspired me to do a little thinking about criticism and our reactions to it.

Back in the dark days, when my internal dialogue was filled with nothing nice about myself, when someone approached me with constructive criticism, I did not react well.  What I usually did was take what was said out of concern, and warp it in such a way that it turned out to be very negative.  I would add it to my internal dialogue as another way to torture myself. I would also become very resentful of the person who had said anything to me.

One thing I have learned in the last fourteen months, is that for me, depression recovery is full of constructive criticism.  From my counselor, my husband, my mother, and so on.  When they take the time to share constructive criticism with me, it is done out of concern for me, knowing that I want to be as healthy as possible.

Now that my mind set is a more positive one, I find that I can handle that type of criticism much better than before.  I can usually take what has been shared with me, think about it, and decide if it is something I believe would be helpful to change about myself.  Most of the time, I can do all of that without using the criticism to beat myself up.  There are times though, maybe when I am hormonal, or having a not great mental health day that such constructive criticism hits me like a slap in the face.  When that happens I fall back into the old pattern of behavior and end up feeling very upset and angry.

Because of the occasional back slide into old behaviors, I believe that I still have a great deal of work to do on how I accept constructive criticism.  I need to remember that when my counselor or a loved one approaches me with a desire to help me, they are doing it out of concern for my well being.  They are not doing it to give me something to beat myself up about.

How well do you accept constructive criticism?  Do you use it as a tool to help yourself grow in a positive direction?  Do you use it as a tool to beat yourself up with?

7 Link Post

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I read a really fun post and challenge over at Blogging For dot INFO.  The author,Thu Nguyen, posts about how she accepted The 7 Link Challenge and takes the time to explain what it is.

The basic concept is that you create a post with seven links.  The first link is to your very first post, the second link is the post you enjoyed writing the most, the third link is to a post that had a great discussion, the fourth link is to someone else’s blog post that you wish you had written, the fifth link is to your most helpful post, the sixth link is to a post that has a title that you are proud of, the seventh link is to a post you wish more people had read.

I decided to participate in this challenge so here are my seven links…


  1. My first post: Depression and Anxiety as Seen Through Glasses In my first post I talk about my glass is half empty view point (which I no longer have). I compare my thinking at the time, to how I would like to view things at some point in my future.  I really like it, because after looking at it again, I realized how far I have come since I wrote it.
  2. The post I most enjoyed writing: Super Cool Mom! I enjoyed writing this post so much, because it was about a wonderful day I had with my mother.  Looking back at our relationship, I honestly had not ever thought she and I would enjoy spending that much time alone together.  I do now.  Not only did I enjoy that day with her so much, I love the memory that day created.
  3. A post which had a great discussion: The Anonymous Blogger Although this is a fairly recent post, I really enjoyed the comments/conversation that took place on it.
  4. A post on someone else’s blog I wish I had written: Cravings I wish I had written this post.  It talks about food cravings and I like that it is from the perspective of a diabetic.
  5. My most helpful post: What Not To Say To Someone With Depression I think this was probably my most helpful post or one of the most helpful post I have written.  I am basing that purely on the feed back I got for it.
  6. A post whose title I am proud of: The Great Escape! I love the title to this post.  It totally describes what is going on in the post itself, great escape!
  7. This is a post I wish more people had read: Help with Psychiatric Medications, Part I and Part II I had written these two posts because I know many people struggle to pay for their medications.  I had hoped more people would have taken the time to read them, even if they did not need the advice offered in them.  If they had read it they could have passed the information along to someone else.

What 7 Links would you post for the 7 Link Challenge?  I would love to see what other people come up with.

Creative Depression

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I read a very thought provoking post by Ginger Breo at The Seamstress of Avalon today.  In it she talks about how in her experience that it seems depression and creative people go hand and hand.  While I have absolutely no scientific evidence to prove whether this is factual or not, I have to say that in my experience it does seem that the more creative people tend to have more mental health issues than maybe someone who prefers to deal with facts and figures.

I was certainly not an over achiever in school, I think it would not be a lie to say I was definitely an under achiever.  Not because I was not smart, or did drugs, or drank alcohol.  It was mostly because I preferred to do my own thing.  That means when the class was supposed to be reading out of the History text book, I would be reading a real book about a historical time period I was more interested in.  Or when the class was dissecting a piece of literature from the Literature text book, I would be doing a cross word puzzle, because I had already read the Literature text book from cover to cover when they were first given out.  I lived in my head.  Told myself stories and had conversations with myself.  Looking back, I can see that I was more creative than I gave myself credit for.

As an adult, I have to say my creativity blossomed, but in an easily distracted kind of way.  Cross stitch, fabric applique,  painting on shirts, painting, knitting, crochet, just on and on.  I loved them all, and was quite good at them all.  However, when my depression got bad, I could not even concentrate on even the most basic of these. My imagination never stopped working though. The things that I imagined were definitely not coming from a mind that was even close to being healthy.

Once a proper medication mix was found and my thoughts quit racing, I was able to concentrate again.  However, all those things I used to be so creative in, no longer were of any interest to me.  My creativity blossomed in a completely surprising direction for me.  Writing.

Out of this new found direction, this blog was born.  What I have noticed though is that when my mental health is struggling a bit I am less outwardly creative, spending more time being creative in my head.  The creativity never stops, and when the struggle eases up, I find that I have a whole bunch of ideas and thoughts to write about.  Due to my therapy and medications, when I am struggling with my mental health my thoughts do not go nearly as dark as they used to.  In fact, most of them are more about what might have triggered things and how can I prevent it from happening again or what can I learn from it.  So in a round about way, it is as if my mental health issues feed my creativity.

As my mind becomes more healthy, I am finding more of a balance and it is not always the struggles that set off a bout of creativity in me.  I find that I am more able to use my successes as a creative outlet.

I guess what I am trying to say is that, if I had not gone through such a dark and terrible time in my mind, I would not have discovered that writing could be a creative outlet for me.  I had always believed my creativity lay in my hands and with textile art.  Not once in all the years before I chose to start writing did I believe that writing could be a form of art for me.

What do you think?  Do believe that there could be a link between mental health issues and creativity?  Or do you think that is just way off base?

Good Samaritan Health and Wellness Center

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Good Samaritan Health and Wellness Center (Good Sams) is where I go for my medical care.  I have been using their services for a little over a year now.  It has probably been the best health care I have ever received and I have not had to pay for it.  Not only have they provided me with the vital health care I needed, they have also given me free medications, and arranged for the pharmaceutical companies to send me several of my medications for free.

I believe the all volunteer staff really enjoy what they are doing.  They are always cheerful, and treat each and every person who comes there for medical care with respect.  It is these volunteers, including the doctor I see there that I give partial credit to for saving my life. One of my sources of anxiety was not being able to obtain the medicine I needed to take on a daily basis.  They made sure I had every medication I needed.  My doctor there is just wonderful.  When he found out about my suicide attempt, he made me shake his hand and promise to not do that again.  It was his way of supporting me and showing me he cared.

I used to think that there were not many people in the world who truly cared about others.  The volunteers at Good Sams changed my thinking and showed me that there are many very caring people in the world.

The video below shows some of highlights of my visit to Good Sams yesterday.

No Way Out

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Do you have a family memory that stands out?  That one memory that represents all the good things about your family?  I do.  I have a memory of an incident where my family was at its best.  Each person had their own role, and did what needed to be done.  The result of all of that combined effort was that my family saved three lives.

Although we are not on the coast, during hurricane season we often experience the hurricane weather.  It consists of very strong winds and extremely heavy rain.  Many trees fall and there is a great deal of flooding when these weather fronts move through.   It is the type of weather, where the best thing to do is to stay home.

It was during one of these hurricane weather weather fronts that we received a phone call that changed all our plans for the evening.  Some friends of ours had called and asked us if we could bring their shop vacuum, that we had borrowed, back to them.  They needed it because their basement was flooding from all the rain that had already fallen. I do not think any of us were thinking properly, because without hesitation we agreed.

As we were getting ready to go, my son, who liked to be prepared for everything, had packed a bag with glow sticks and a strong but light weight rope.  I hate to admit it, but we gave him a hard time about him packing the bag.  However, my husband and I decided to let him take the bag, because we thought he had packed it to give himself comfort while we were out in the bad weather.

We had two ways to get to our friend’s house, a dirt road and a paved road.  Although the paved road is a longer route to their house, my husband decided that would be the best way for us to go.  We had not gone very far down the paved road when we encountered a problem.  There were live electrical wires on the ground.  My husband turned around and we got on the dirt road. The dirt road really did not seem all that bad.  There were a few places where some small creeks had gone across the road, because of all the rain, however, they were easy to cross.  When we had almost reached the end of the dirt road, our progress was suddenly stopped.  What was in front of us, on the road, was a huge river of swift flowing water. It was not supposed to be there.

Suddenly, we saw headlights in the middle of this river, and a nineteen year old young man fighting the current heading toward us.  He told us his girlfriend and her young son were trapped in his truck that had been carried away by the water’s current and now his truck was resting against a tree.  He had waded out to try and find help, but he was afraid that since the water was still rising that very soon his loved ones would be carried away.

Without discussing it, my whole family decided that we needed to do what we could to help this family.  There was no cell reception in this area, and the houses were few and far between, and we all felt that something needed to be done quickly.  This scenario was a nightmare for my husband.  Not only could he not swim, he is terrified  of water.  Which meant, my son and I were going to have to be the ones to go in the water to get the people out of the truck and my husband was going to have to drive to the closest house for help.

I have to wonder, if my husband was afraid that as he left us there that he would not see us again. I was grateful that my daughter was in the truck with my husband, I knew that she would be able to provide him with enough distraction to keep him from worrying about us too much. My fear was not for myself, but for my son. I kept picturing in my head, him being swept away and getting caught on the barbed wire fence that enclosed the cow pasture near us. However, there was no way I could have gotten those people out of that truck without his help.  It was a time that represented a great deal of sacrifice for all of us, but we all felt that this was the right thing to do.

As we headed toward the river, my husband sped away in his truck to get help.  The glow sticks my son had packed came in handy.  He pulled out a couple and that is what we used to light our way through the water. Thank goodness he was prepared.  In just the short time that it took us to make the decision to help this family, the water had risen a great deal and its current had increased.  We locked arms as we entered the water, to make it more difficult someone to be swept off of their feet.  The water was very cold and so was the rain that fell on our heads.  It seemed like it took us a long time to reach the truck.  The young man was exhausted, this was his second trip through the current, but my son and I kept encouraging him to keep going.  When we finally reached the truck we saw a very hysterical young woman and a very quiet little boy.

The young lady did not want to get out of the truck and get into the water.  Every time I asked her to, she told me no, and she was becoming more hysterical as each second passed.  Finally, I had to raise my voice and ordered her out of the truck.  There was simply no more time to be nice.  It worked and she got out of the truck.  I think her son knew that the adults in his life were wrecks and would only let my son get him out of the truck.  Because the water was still rising and was quickly becoming very deep, the little boy could not walk in it, which meant my son would have to carry him to safety.  We all locked arms again.

Heading back to safety was much harder than it had been to get to the truck.  The water was still rising, and the rain was still pounding us.  We had more people to contend with.  I kept telling everyone to take small steps as we moved forward.  Small steps.  Small steps to help us keep our balance.  It seemed to take us so long to get to safety, but we finally did.  We had to keep moving though.  Our place of safety would not stay that way for very long.  As we got to the top of a small hill, a place that would keep us safe from the rising water, we looked back.  As we looked back, we saw the headlights of the young man’s truck go out, and watched as it came lose from the tree and the water carry it away.

We were all shivering from being so cold.  I do not think I had ever been that cold.  Maybe we were also shivering because of all the adrenalin we had expended getting out of the water. Almost as soon as we caught our breath, my husband came flying up in his truck, with a woman following him in her own car.  We wrapped the little boy up in warm jackets and stuck him in the truck with my daughter.  She was great at continuing to help him stay calm.  We got the young man and his girlfriend to sit in the woman’s car, so they could warm up.  Within five minutes, a fire truck and ambulance showed up.  They took over care of the young family and we quietly left.

I love this memory not because of the people we saved, but because of how as a family we all worked together to accomplish something wonderful.  My husband was in charge of getting help, my young daughter was in charge of keeping him calm.  My son and I did what needed to be done to get the family out of their truck.  No person had a role that was more important than another.  We all were vital keys in accomplishing the goal.

Do you have a family memory that stands out in your mind?  What is it? Why is it so significant to you?  Share it here or on your own blog.  I would love to see what memories people treasure.