Tag Archives: Depression

Just What I Needed

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Have you ever known you needed something, but could not really identify what it was that you were in need of? I have, especially lately. I have felt so agitated, and out of sorts that I knew there was something I needed, but I could not figure out what it was.

Yesterday, it hit me like a ton of bricks – I needed real life, face to face time with people who understood me. After only a few phone calls, I had a line on a Depression Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) meeting that was taking place that night. The most exciting part for me was that this meeting was for women only – a setting I am more comfortable with.

The women were awesome. They let me ramble on for most of the meeting. I was able to cry, and LAUGH – venting my frustrations and sorrow. It definitely provided me with the in person contact that I so desperately needed.

There were women there who have been living with their mental health issues for many more years than I have. They shared a great deal of wisdom – that they had gained from their own life experiences – with me. They told me what I am feeling right now is normal. I left that meeting feeling better than I have in days.

I will go again. It feels so good to have been able to key in on a valuable mental health resource.

Right Now

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Normally, I would be living one day at a time – but not right now. For the last week, I have been living from minute to minute. Right Now. People ask if I am doing okay, and my response is either “I am ok…right now.” or “I am not ok…right now.” The very thought of any moment in time other than Right Now makes me feel overwhelmed and lost.

The silence in the house scares me. So I have to keep myself focused on Right Now. Life without my father scares me, I had come to depend on him so much. Watching what the grief is doing to my mother scares me.

Right Now, I really want to go to bed, cover my head with my blankets, and stay there for a while. I am doing everything I can do to distract myself – in order to not give into that urge. Right Now, I feel agitated, and it is difficult to focus my thoughts, because of fighting so hard to not end up in bed.

Right Now, I am okay, a few Right Nows ago, I was not. In many ways, today – Sunday – has been the hardest day since dad died. Right Now, my heart hurts, but I know when the next Right Now comes around that could change.

I am not sure how long I will have to take life in a series of Right Nows. I guess it will take however long it takes.

 

 

 

Power Of Positive Words – M

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Memories – This word makes me feel positively happy because I have many good memories of my dad. Those memories are bringing me comfort. They are helping me not be overwhelmed by the sorrow I am feeling.

 

Obituary

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Mr. George Shell, 66, of Talking Rock, GA and Augusta, GA passed away peacefully in his sleep on March 19, 2011. George was the Shaw Group Vice President for the MOX project at Savannah River Site, Aiken, South Carolina.

George was born in 1944 in Jenkins, KY. After high school he served four years in the U.S. Air Force. He graduated from Roger Williams University and worked for more than four decades in industry with INPO, Tennessee Valley Authority, Bechtel Corporation, and Shaw Group. In addition to several sites in the U.S., George worked in China, and Spain. George was a great fan of Kentucky basketball, and football. He coached youth soccer for years.

Family members include his wife of 43 years, Regena; daughter, Melissa Shell of Talking Rock, GA; son, Jeffrey Shell (Julie) of Acworth, GA; grandchildren: Nicholas Mashburn (Krystal) of Monterrey, CA and Fort Gordon, Anna Mashburn of Talking Rock, GA, Madeline Shell of Acworth, GA; great-granddaughter, Scarlett Mashburn of Augusta, GA; mother-in-law, Christine Sutton Ingram of Talking Rock, GA; brother-in-law, Phillip Ingram (Sue) of Carnesville, GA; uncle, Hoyt Hays of Jenkins, KY; several cousins, nieces, and nephews; and his Bible study “family” Doug and Karen Neal, Randy and Janice Cook, and Ted and Karen Williams.

Funeral Arrangements

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The other night I realized that several people my father knew found out about his death from my blog. After learning that, I made the decision to put a copy of his obituary, and funeral arrangements/information here as well. I felt it would be a good way for people who are interested to keep up with the details.

We will have a viewing Wednesday night from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm at Thomas Poteet & Son Funeral Directors – 214 Davis Road, Augusta GA 30907 (706) 364-8484.

The memorial service will be on Thursday at 4:00 pm in the chapel at the funeral home. Reverend Larry Harmon will be officiating. I will take a few minutes to share some of my favorite memories of dad.

The funeral home has a web page with a guest book for dad. If you click on this link Obituaries it will take you to the obituary page. Dad is listed there – George Shell. Clicking on his name will take you to his obituary, and at the bottom of the page you will see a link named Sign Registry. You are invited to click on it and leave a message for mom, me, and/or my brother.You can share a favorite memory about dad, or offer your condolences . You are also more than welcome to share your thoughts, prayers, and condolences in the comment section below.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to West Acres Baptist Church Property Fund, 555 Gibbs Road, Evens, GA 30809, or Heart Cry Missionary Society, PO Box 2309, Christiansburg, VA 25068

Power Of Positive Words – L

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Laugh – This word makes me feel positively happy because I actually laugh. I am not sure if you can understand what it is like to go several years without actually laughing, but that is what I did. Laughter is a great stress reliever, and mood booster, and I was missing those beneficial things because I was to angry, and depressed to laugh. Now, I laugh everyday. My favorite laughs are the deep belly laughs that make my whole body shake.

 

So Much Waiting

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I feel like I should be doing something. I want to be doing something. Anything. My heart hurts less when I am busy, but at the same time my brain is too busy, and agitated to concentrate. Then there is this waiting. Waiting.

The coroner had to come to the house since dad died at home. She said he would be taken to the county morgue, and we could have a funeral home pick him up – once we decided on one. My mother’s Pastor recommended one, and that is the one my brother called. They had to get permission from the county morgue to pick up dad, and a time to do so. A little bit ago, the funeral home called. They are picking dad up at around 5:30 pm, and we are to meet with them in the morning – around 11:30 am.

So now I am waiting. Waiting until bed time – when I can hide myself away. Waiting until I will be staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come, waiting for my brain to STOP, and knowing there will be no sleep, and my brain WON’T stop.

My Dad Died Today

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Today is a very hard day for me. My dad died. It happened sometime during the night – while he was sleeping. It appears he was not even aware that it was happening. He went to sleep, and did not wake up.

In a way it was completely and totally a surprise. Even though he had been in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for some heart issues, he was doing really well. He even had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday during which the doctor expressed how pleased he was with how well my dad was doing. There was really no reason to think he would die after only being out of the hospital for a week.

My brain is having a difficult time coming to grips with the fact that my dad is dead. My heart aches. I am going to miss him so much. I am so blessed that I had the opportunity to rebuild our relationship before this happened.

My dad was not perfect, but he is my hero. It never mattered to him the state of our relationship, he was always there for me. He was quick to put aside the many times I caused him pain, and these last few months with him were wonderful. I have many good memories of him that I will always cherish.

Power Of Positive Words – K

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Kudos – This word makes me feel positively happy because it feels good when I receive praise/kudos from other people. It also gives me a great deal of joy when I can do the same for other people. Praise/Kudos are just one way I can build someone up, and it feels good to everyone.