Normally, I would be living one day at a time – but not right now. For the last week, I have been living from minute to minute. Right Now. People ask if I am doing okay, and my response is either “I am ok…right now.” or “I am not ok…right now.” The very thought of any moment in time other than Right Now makes me feel overwhelmed and lost.

The silence in the house scares me. So I have to keep myself focused on Right Now. Life without my father scares me, I had come to depend on him so much. Watching what the grief is doing to my mother scares me.

Right Now, I really want to go to bed, cover my head with my blankets, and stay there for a while. I am doing everything I can do to distract myself – in order to not give into that urge. Right Now, I feel agitated, and it is difficult to focus my thoughts, because of fighting so hard to not end up in bed.

Right Now, I am okay, a few Right Nows ago, I was not. In many ways, today – Sunday – has been the hardest day since dad died. Right Now, my heart hurts, but I know when the next Right Now comes around that could change.

I am not sure how long I will have to take life in a series of Right Nows. I guess it will take however long it takes.