Tag Archives: Mental Health

Honoring Our Parents – Write A Tribute

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 As I mentioned in Honoring Our Parents Is Good For Us and in Honoring Our Parents – Just Do It, honoring our parents is good for us, and we should start doing immediately. I am fully aware that for some of us this is very difficult to do. However, I can tell you that it can be done.

Honoring our parents does not mean we have to grovel, kiss butt, or seek their approval. It is about forgiving them, and having whatever relationship we can have them. It will require that we sacrifice some of our time, either to visit them, call them, or even send them the occasional email or card.

Honoring Our Parents – Give Them A Tribute

When I was listening to James McDonald the other day, he spoke about writing a tribute to our parents. As I listened to him talk about it, and describe what could be put in it, I was inspired to write a tribute to my mother. It was very special for me to write, and watch her face as she read it. It made me feel good to honor her, and know that she was touched by what I wrote.

Writing a tribute to our parents, is a good way to express appreciation for the sacrifices they made for us, and acknowledge any good they did. It is also a great way to tell them that we love them. It is something we can do to honor our parents, no matter how bad our relationships with them are.

Honoring Our Parents – Writing The Tribute

There are a few things we should keep in mind when we write our tributes:

1.            Write a tribute to each parent. Do not the tributes into one document.

2.            Be honest. Do not fill it full of a bunch flattery, and mushy stuff you do not feel. No one has perfect parents so do not pretend that yours are.

3.            Be positive. Focus only on the good. Philippians 4:8 says,

“Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable . . . think about these things.”

Focus on the good. If you are having a difficult time thinking of something positive about your parents, pray. God will give you the wisdom to see what you need.

4.            Be public. Read your tributes, or at the very least give it to your parents, in front of your children, and your spouse. You will be modeling behavior that will be passed on for many generations.

5.            THE TIME IS NOW! Don’t put it off, write your tributes immediately.

 

If you have a parent/parents that you do not see – for whatever reason – go ahead and write a tribute to them. It will help you release the anger and bitterness you might be feeling for them. Then pray that God gives you a chance to share what your wrote with them.

Honoring out parents is good for us. It helps us heal and to release any anger or bitterness we  may be feeling towards them. If we have a good relationship with our parents, a tribute is a way of honoring and them and letting them know how much we appreciate them. Excuses for not doing it are not allowed. Just do it!

When I was researching this topic, I found a great website with a guide for writing a tribute. It is  A Step by Step Guide to Writing a Tribute

Previous posts about honoring our parents are Honoring Our Parents Is Good For Us and Honoring Our Parents – Just Do It

Honoring Our Parents – Just Do It

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The time to honor our parents is now. Not tomorrow, not when we feel like it, not when we have the ideal amount of time, the time is now. It will help us heal and move past any negative emotions we associate with our parents, it shows them we love them and quite simply, it is the right thing to do.

Honoring Our Parents Even When We Do Not Feel Like It

As grown-ups, there are many things we do every day that we do not feel like doing. It is part of what being an adult is about. Think about this…there are many times when our own parents did things they did not want to do.

Many of us feel hurt, misunderstood, and neglected by our parents. We need to move past all of that pain. We also need to remember that we are modeling behavior for our children. They will grow-up and treat us the way we treated our parents. In addition, when we cannot make time in our schedules for our parents, or treat them as if they do not have a place of honor in our lives by our actions or words, we are doing something very wrong. First Timothy 5:8 says:

If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever

That bible verse is referring to more than just helping financially, it is also referring to giving our time and emotional energy. It is time to honor our parents, even if we do not feel like it.

Honoring Our Parents Even If They Will Not Receive It

Do it anyway. You might be surprised at the response you get from your parents. However, even if there is not a response, keep honoring your parents. We are not honoring them for the “Thank you”, or to hear the words “I appreciate it”, we are honoring our parents because it is the right thing to do. We know it is the right thing to do because the Bible tells us that it is. It is time to honor our parents, even if we think they will not receive it.

Honoring Our Parents Even If They Have Been Abusive

Some of us may have been abused by our parents – emotionally, physically, and sexually. I know that thinking about honoring the person/people who did those horrible things to us seems wrong. However, there are some very good reasons why we should.

1.            When we focus on the pain we perpetuate it.

2.            When we focus on something good, it very often leads to healing and reconciliation.

3.            Honoring on our parents does not mean exposing ourselves to further pain. We do it to be obedient to God and to help ourselves heal.

4.            Bitterness and unforgiveness lose their hold on us when we honor our parents.

Honoring our parents is something we should do every day of the year, the time to start is now.

 

Honoring Our Parents Is Good For Us

Honoring Our Parents is Good for Us

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There is a pastor by the name of Dr. James McDonald that I enjoy listening to. Mom downloads his podcasts almost every day, and usually plays them in the mornings. One the reasons I like listening to him is because his messages are very applicable to real life situations and issues. The message we listened to on Thursday morning was no exception. It was about honoring our parents, and it really touched me.

Near the beginning of his message, Dr. James McDonald, refers to God’s “top ten list”. This list is actually the Ten Commandments, and he specifically references this commandment;

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you

Dr. James McDonald also pointed out that this commandment is mentioned in both the Old Testament and the New Testament, and that it is the only commandment with a promise.

His message emphasized the importance of honoring our parents, especially in a society like we have now. I am sure you know what I am talking about; we live in a society in which many of us are so focused on self that we forget to or choose not to honor all of our family obligations. Obviously, as a Christian it is important for me to honor my parents, it is one of the Ten Commandments, but James McDonald points out that there is are some very practical purposes in honoring our parents.

Our Parents are not Perfect

None of us have perfect parents. Some of us have parents who were/are just plain horrible. I believe that most of us can probably find many things to be angry with our parents about. Some of that anger is even justified, especially in situations where abuse is involved. However, holding onto that anger is unhealthy. It makes us bitter, negative, and unforgiving. Studies have shown that those negative feelings can be detrimental to our mental and physical health. In addition, when we honor our parents we are setting an example for our own children. By doing this we are teaching them how to honor us as they get older, and we are also teaching them how to let go of their own anger and bitterness toward us as imperfect parents. It is something they can pass onto their own children, and their children’s children, affecting many generations in our families.

No  matter how wonderful or how awful our parents were/are, there is a bond between us and them. Sometimes we can go years without speaking to them or seeing them, but that still does not change the fact that they love us, and we love them. Unfortunately, in circumstances like this, nothing will change until someone makes the first move. Dr. James McDonald challenges us to be the one to make that first move.

Just like we long for the love of our parents, they long for our love. They may not be able to express their love for us in the way we want, but they do love us. Just like we can be hurt, so can our parents. In honoring them we are acknowledging the things they did do right, the good advice they gave us, and we are acknowledging their failings, as well as our own.

Some of us have extremely hurtful relationships with our parents. They may have been abusive, emotionally and physically. We still need to honor them, if for no other reason but to let go of any bitterness and anger we might have towards them for our own good.

Three Things Honoring Our Parents Does not Mean

James McDonald points out that there are three things that honoring our parents does not mean.

1.            Groveling and seeking their approval.

2.            Making yourself vulnerable to their hurtful behavior. You can set appropriate boundaries.

3.            Ignoring or denying the past. We should not act as if those issues do not exist, but in order to forgive we cannot let those issues affect our attitudes toward our parents.

Looking at Our Parents from a Different Perspective

Honoring our parents does mean we are:

1.            Choosing to highly value our relationship with our parents. We need to drop the attitude that it does not matter to us or them.

2.            Taking the initiative to improve our relationship with our parents, in whatever way we can.

3.            Recognizing that our parents did do something right. For many of us, it may be difficult to see that our parents did anything right. We might have a difficult time seeing it because of our pain. If we open our hearts up, God will show us what we need to see.

4.            Acknowledging the sacrifices they made for us.

5.            Viewing them the way Christ does, with compassion and mercy.

6.            Forgiving them the way God has forgiven us.

 

I know some of you are thinking that it is easy for me to write about honoring my parents when I have such a good relationship with mom, and had a good relationship with dad before he died. Our relationships were not always good. In fact, there were times when we would go months without even speaking to each other. For a very long time, mom and I could barely stand to be in the same room with each other.

My parents were not perfect when I was growing up. There were things that happened that hurt me. I was very angry about my way less than perfect childhood. That anger stayed with me for a good portion of my life. The bitterness, and unforgiveness I felt towards my parents clouded every part of my existence. I was a very unhappy person, and I often made the people around me very unhappy as well. The anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness hurt me physically and mentally.

Once I could move past those negative feelings, my life became so much better. I was happier. My depression became easier to manage, and my parents and I were able to repair our relationships. I was doing things to honor my parents, and I discovered that honoring my parents was not the chore I always envisioned it would be. I became mentally and physically healthier.

I want you to know I understand how and why you might be extremely angry with your parents. In order for you to let those unhealthy feelings go, I urge you to find a way to honor them. I promise honoring your parents is good for you!

Managing Depression – Challenge Your Thinking

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Learning how to manage my depression took more than just swallowing the right pill, and spilling my guts to a counselor. It required a great deal of hard work on my part. In the beginning, it was very difficult for me to even think about putting any effort into my own treatment process. Depression left me feeling totally exhausted and unmotivated. I was also very comfortable with my negative view of everything and everyone, including myself.

I remember feeling very irritated when my counselor challenged my negative thinking. By making me aware of how negative my perception of reality was, she was in essence making me take ownership for my own feelings. I did not want to own them! It was so much easier to have other people be responsible for how I felt.

Once I was aware of my role in how I felt, I realized that I was the one in charge of whether or not I became mentally healthier. The choice was mine and I hated that. I resisted making a choice for as long as I could. I realize now that not making a choice is really making a choice.

Eventually, I decided that I was tired of feeling the way I did, by that time the depression medications were helping even me out some. I knew that I would have to make some sort of effort to get better but I was still exhausted and still lacked motivation.  It took me a while but eventually I understood I would have to make an effort despite how I felt.

I told myself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. I know that sounds harsh but that is what I kept saying to myself. “Suck it up” and “do it” even though I was tired and it made me feel uncomfortable. It is what I needed to hear from myself at the time. I needed to push myself into uncomfortable situations and thought processes so I could get mentally healthier.

With the help and guidance of my counselor I began challenging my thinking by doing the following things:

  • I viewed my thoughts about myself from a different perspective. I had an awful opinion of myself. I constantly said horrible vile things about myself  to myself. One day I asked myself a question. It was simply this, “Would you say the things you say to yourself to someone else?” The answer was “No.” My answer led to one more question, “Then why do you say these things to yourself?” From that point forward, I worked hard to be less harsh on myself, and to change my internal dialogue. I replaced my negative thoughts about myself with ones that were positive, encouraging, and realistic.
  • I kept track of how often I had negative thoughts about someone, something, or myself. For several weeks, I wrote down every negative thought I had, when I had it, and why I had it. I did a lot of writing. With the help of my counselor, I reviewed the negative thoughts and what triggered them. I used my notes to determine when a negative thought was realistic and justified, and when there was no basis in reality for it.
  • I replaced the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I reviewed all the negative thoughts I had written down, and for each one I attempted to think of something positive I could write down instead. For example: I replaced “You are a horrible mother!” with “You were the best  mother you knew how to be.”  I also did something similar to this when I encountered a situation, or event that would invoke negative thoughts and emotions in me. For every situation where my initial reaction was negative, I would attempt to find three positive things about it. I was not pretending to be happy, or positive, I was retraining my brain so it would not focus on the negative all the time.
  • I spent more time with positive people. This was very difficult to do because it required more effort than any of the previous things did. When I first started doing this I did not want to leave my house and I did not want to be around anyone. I really had to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. After years of isolating myself, I did not have any local friends left, so the positive people I spent a great deal of time around was my parents. I learned how to handle stress and other difficulties by watching how they handled theirs. I paid attention to their positive attitudes, and tried my best to imitate them. When I would come out with a negative comment, they were quick, but kind, when they corrected me and turned it into something positive. I felt happier being around people who had a positive attitude.

    •  

    I know, believe me I KNOW how much depression hurts. It does not matter what the root cause of your depression is, YOU CAN CHOOSE to do something about it. Think about it from this perspective; if you had a leg injury and had to have physical therapy to help it heal, the exercises you had to do in physical therapy would hurt. You would have to push through some of that pain to get your leg strong again and to help it heal. Most likely, your leg would be sore for several days after a physical therapy session. Choosing to be proactive in learning how to manage your depression is like that physical therapy session, it will hurt and it will be uncomfortable. Most likely, the emotional pain that is created by taking a step to help yourself mentally heal will last for several days. You need to push through the pain. It is even okay to tell yourself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”.

     

    Busy, Busy, Busy

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    I have had a very busy week. This session of the school semester is winding down, and I had a couple of big projects due. I worked a lot at my writing job. I had an appointment with my counselor, group, and an appointment with my psychiatrist. I went to the diabetes clinic – part of the free clinic I go to – on Thursday. Also, I have not been feeling well.

    The class that I had to take for my first session of the Summer semester was something called “Skills for Success”. It has turned out to be something completely different than I thought it was going to be. I had to assess my learning style, figure out if I had external or internal locus of control, determine if I was a lifelong learner (and figure out what I needed to do to become one), and develop critical thinking skills. I have learned a lot about myself from the class assignments.

    Because the time zone for the class is different than mine, I have until 2 in the morning my time to turn assignments in. I have never been late or even pushed that deadline, until Tuesday. I had not felt well all day, and when I sat down to do an assignment I fell asleep. I woke up about an hour or so before the deadline had passed. Unfortunately, my head must have been on the “W”. When I woke up, the screen was full of “W’s” and all the work I had done was gone. I took a screen shot…

    I retyped everything, and it looked like I was going to make the deadline, and then…I fell asleep again! I did finally get the assignment turned in, about an hour late. The instructor could have deducted points from it since it was late. That is school policy. However, he chose not to.

    Things went really well at the mental health center. I have qualified for another six month of services, and the psychiatrist is pleased with how I am doing. I do not have to see her again until the end of September. She did ask me to bring her some pictures from Alaska.

    For the last few weeks my feet have been swelling…

    For the last few days, I have felt totally exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get. When I went to the diabetes clinic I mentioned it the doctor. He did a routine test, and told me that I have kidney damage. He said that would explain the swelling, and could be why I have been feeling so run down. However, he has order some tests for my kidneys, as well as a thyroid test. I have had several thyroid tests over the last few years, it is common when you have a mental health issue, so my gut tells me that is not the problem, but I could be wrong.

    This is how the doctor at the free clinic wrote the prescription for my depression medication…

    Faces, Faces, and Even More Faces

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    The response to my I Need Your Face blog post was wonderful. I did try to thank everyone – who sent me their face – individually, however, I am sure that I forgot a few. If you did not get a thank you from me, please know I do appreciate your submission.

    I have something very special in mind for all the faces I received, and I will be e-mailing each person who sent me face the details before anyone else gets them. I will be spending the rest of my week working on The Many Faces of Mental Illness project.

    I am so excited, because I think it is going to turn out beautifully!

    School, Alaska, and a Job

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    I have had so much going on lately, and I just do not know where to start. Life has been good, there have been a few tears, and a whole lot of blessings.

     

    School

     

    School has been going really well. There’s a whole lot for me to learn, but I think I have done well so far. Right now, my GPA is a perfect 4.0. This is actually what it looks like:

    Current Points: 228 / 228  =  100%

    Next week I have a huge test, it is worth 132 points. I got all my class work done early this week, so I hope to be spending quite a bit of time studying the materials that will be on the test. The first session of the semester is almost over. There are only about three and half weeks left – maybe a smidge less. Next session I will be taking two classes. Those will be review classes. I take my first psychology class in the first session of next semester.

     

    Alaska Cruise

     

    Originally, the plan had been for us to drive from Georgia to Seattle in get on the cruise ship and drive back home when the cruise is over. I was not completely thrilled with this idea, however, I was not going to say a word against it because, after all, the endpoint would be the cruise. I had actually even started looking at the map so maybe I could put to a vote in to stop at some places I had never been before. Things have changed. I am so glad they have changed. It turns out the cost for a round-trip ticket from Georgia to Seattle and back is fairly inexpensive for some reason. It actually would turn out cheaper for us to fly that would be to drive. So now we’re going to fly to Seattle. Yay! I’m sure that I would have found a way to enjoy the drive, but flying gets us there much faster.

     

    The Content Authority

     

    Several weeks ago, I filled out an application for The Content Authority. What they do is hire writers to copy-write. Clients will submit work orders to The Content Authority. Those work orders contain key words, and instructions for a set of well written paragraphs. Most of the time these paragraph should be persuasive paragraphs. Generally, the client uses what has been written for them to create webpages, and/or sell a product. It is not very exciting work, but it seems like most of the people who do it enjoy what they’re doing. A couple months ago, I found out that The Content Authority has finally reviewed my application and sample writing and decided I might be a good fit for them.

    I get paid by the word, and right now the pay is extremely low. However, I do have the opportunity to work my way up and get paid more. I have already completed my first job assignment, the editors have approved it, and now I’m just waiting for the customer to pick up. I made a whole total of $2.01 for that first assignment. It is $2.01 that I did not have before.

    I honestly can’t think of too many times when I’ve had such a great week. Even though the weather is hot, I have enjoyed sitting on the back patio.

    I Need Your Face

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    Last night, I read a post on WEGO heath, titled The Faces of Mental Illness. It was short, and to the point…

    There is no one face of mental illness

    and ended with this question…

    I think it is important to show the world that all kinds of faces can be associated with mental illness. How about you?

    I did not take me long to decide on my answer…

    Yes!

    I have thought of how I can do my part to show the world the many faces of mental illness. I am literally going to show the faces.

    I need your face! and your face! and yours too!

    Please send me a picture of you (or your family member with a mental illness), your name (indicate if you want your name shown), and a little statement granting me permission to use your picture on my blog. I will create a blog post using the pictures. The title of the post will be The Many Faces of Mental Illness.

     

    Come on and join me! Let’s show the world The Many Faces of Mental Illness!


    my email is melissalynnshell@gmail dot com