Managing Depression – Challenge Your Thinking

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Learning how to manage my depression took more than just swallowing the right pill, and spilling my guts to a counselor. It required a great deal of hard work on my part. In the beginning, it was very difficult for me to even think about putting any effort into my own treatment process. Depression left me feeling totally exhausted and unmotivated. I was also very comfortable with my negative view of everything and everyone, including myself.

I remember feeling very irritated when my counselor challenged my negative thinking. By making me aware of how negative my perception of reality was, she was in essence making me take ownership for my own feelings. I did not want to own them! It was so much easier to have other people be responsible for how I felt.

Once I was aware of my role in how I felt, I realized that I was the one in charge of whether or not I became mentally healthier. The choice was mine and I hated that. I resisted making a choice for as long as I could. I realize now that not making a choice is really making a choice.

Eventually, I decided that I was tired of feeling the way I did, by that time the depression medications were helping even me out some. I knew that I would have to make some sort of effort to get better but I was still exhausted and still lacked motivation.  It took me a while but eventually I understood I would have to make an effort despite how I felt.

I told myself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. I know that sounds harsh but that is what I kept saying to myself. “Suck it up” and “do it” even though I was tired and it made me feel uncomfortable. It is what I needed to hear from myself at the time. I needed to push myself into uncomfortable situations and thought processes so I could get mentally healthier.

With the help and guidance of my counselor I began challenging my thinking by doing the following things:

  • I viewed my thoughts about myself from a different perspective. I had an awful opinion of myself. I constantly said horrible vile things about myself  to myself. One day I asked myself a question. It was simply this, “Would you say the things you say to yourself to someone else?” The answer was “No.” My answer led to one more question, “Then why do you say these things to yourself?” From that point forward, I worked hard to be less harsh on myself, and to change my internal dialogue. I replaced my negative thoughts about myself with ones that were positive, encouraging, and realistic.
  • I kept track of how often I had negative thoughts about someone, something, or myself. For several weeks, I wrote down every negative thought I had, when I had it, and why I had it. I did a lot of writing. With the help of my counselor, I reviewed the negative thoughts and what triggered them. I used my notes to determine when a negative thought was realistic and justified, and when there was no basis in reality for it.
  • I replaced the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I reviewed all the negative thoughts I had written down, and for each one I attempted to think of something positive I could write down instead. For example: I replaced “You are a horrible mother!” with “You were the best  mother you knew how to be.”  I also did something similar to this when I encountered a situation, or event that would invoke negative thoughts and emotions in me. For every situation where my initial reaction was negative, I would attempt to find three positive things about it. I was not pretending to be happy, or positive, I was retraining my brain so it would not focus on the negative all the time.
  • I spent more time with positive people. This was very difficult to do because it required more effort than any of the previous things did. When I first started doing this I did not want to leave my house and I did not want to be around anyone. I really had to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. After years of isolating myself, I did not have any local friends left, so the positive people I spent a great deal of time around was my parents. I learned how to handle stress and other difficulties by watching how they handled theirs. I paid attention to their positive attitudes, and tried my best to imitate them. When I would come out with a negative comment, they were quick, but kind, when they corrected me and turned it into something positive. I felt happier being around people who had a positive attitude.

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    I know, believe me I KNOW how much depression hurts. It does not matter what the root cause of your depression is, YOU CAN CHOOSE to do something about it. Think about it from this perspective; if you had a leg injury and had to have physical therapy to help it heal, the exercises you had to do in physical therapy would hurt. You would have to push through some of that pain to get your leg strong again and to help it heal. Most likely, your leg would be sore for several days after a physical therapy session. Choosing to be proactive in learning how to manage your depression is like that physical therapy session, it will hurt and it will be uncomfortable. Most likely, the emotional pain that is created by taking a step to help yourself mentally heal will last for several days. You need to push through the pain. It is even okay to tell yourself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”.

     

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