Power Of Positive Words – O

Posted on February 11, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

The power of positive words is life giving. They build me up, and provide me with encouragement. They have been known to empower me, giving me the confidence I need to face something difficult. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….I am making a list of words for each letter (A-Z) and include why each word makes me feel positively happy.

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Okay – This word makes me feel positively happy, because I am okay. I really am. I have faced some really difficult things in the last few days, and I am still okay. I have decided that being Okay is a good thing.

Trapped

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

I have been feeling trapped. Part of me feels like I am stuck in a situation I cannot escape from. I have let it make me feel depressed, and anxious. All I want is to be able to move forward with my life, but I feel like I cannot because of the horrible, destructive thing I am tethered to.

I had high hopes that the consultation I had with an attorney on Monday would help alleviate some of that trapped feeling. It did not. In fact, I left the attorney’s office feeling much worse than when I had gone in. Not only was the trapped feeling stronger, I felt as if I was the world’s worst parent.

I know that I have not been the parent to my daughter that I have needed to be, and not just because of the years of depression. I was not a healthy person, and I was not a healthy parent. I have worked very hard during my depression treatment to change how I parent, and do a better job with/for my child. I wish that I had more time with my daughter – in order to show her that I can be the type of mom she deserves.

The attorney made it very clear to me what he thought of me as a parent. He also told me that the courts would not see me as someone having an illness. Instead, my years of depression would be viewed as just me being a bad parent. Hearing someone say that to me made me feel absolutely devastated. I feel absolutely horrible for having done such a great dis-service to my child. As he continued to talk a sinking feeling developed in my stomach when I realized that getting a divorce is not going to be the easy thing that I thought it would be.

When I left the attorney’s office all I wanted to do was escape. I was on the verge of having a full blown panic attack, and my thoughts started sliding in a direction they have not gone in for a long time. I knew that I needed to reach out for some extra support, so I went to my counselor’s office.

My counselor was able to slide some things around, and spend a great deal of time with me. She gave me two names of attorneys that are “mental illness friendly”. Meaning they do a great deal of work with people who have mental health issues, and might be a better fit for me. In our conversation, she reminded me that in the past – when I felt trapped – I attempted to take my own life. She went on to let me know that since that time I had not experienced that feeling so I have not had the opportunity to apply any new tools to resolve it. She told that it was not surprising that my thoughts went in that direction. She pointed out that this time when I had those thoughts, I reached out for help rather than let them take hold in my mind. I cannot say that I felt better when I left the counselor’s office, but I did feel supported and my anxiety levels were greatly decreased. I think I mostly felt emotionally drained, and worn out.

When I left the counselor’s office, I headed back to my Grandmother’s house. I spent most of the rest of the day, and night in bed – sleeping on and off. I realize that was a type of escape. It was a way for me to avoid some of what was going on, and how it was making me feel. However, I am okay with my decision to do that. I felt so physically drained because of being emotionally worn out that I needed to do that. When I woke up Tuesday morning I felt refreshed, and in better control of my thoughts.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no reason I have to rush, and make decisions. It is okay for me to take my time to find the right attorney. There is no rule stating that I have to start divorce proceedings now. Maybe taking my time – instead of rushing to decisions – is better for me. I think it might help keep me from feeling trapped, and overwhelmed.

Power Of Positive Words – N

Posted on February 10, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Normal – This word makes me feel positively happy because I have come to realize that there are no normal people in the world. Everyone, and I mean everyone has problems. I used to believe that there was no one who could really understand how my emotions, and physical health affected my mental health. I felt alone, and like I was the odd man out. One of the most amazing things I discovered in the last year and a half – through blogging, depression treatment, and social media – is I AM NOT ALONE. That realization has been a source of comfort. I also learned that everyone is just as odd as I am!

Power Of Positive Words – L

Posted on February 6, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Light-hearted – Even before my episode of Major/Severe Depression my life was pretty dark. I was a very negative person, and – truth be told – not very happy. I was not happy with myself, consequently I was not happy with anyone or anything in my life. When I began experiencing depression symptoms my already dark world became darker, more painful and closed in on me. It was a horrible existence. Coming out of that darkness has been a difficult process. Now that I am on the other side of things I feel light – light-hearted. I love the beauty I see in the world. My heart feels happy.

Power Of Positive Words – K

Posted on February 5, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Knowledge – This word makes me positively happy because I realize the more knowledge I have the more power I have. I have power over my Major Depression, I have power over my diabetes, I have power over my asthma. I learn as much as I can – and keep learning – about each one of these diseases, and how to treat/manage them. I gain knowledge from other people’s experiences, and life stories. I gain knowledge from books, and the internet. I gain knowledge from my doctors. I gain knowledge by paying attention to what treatments, medications, and support systems work for me.

Power Of Positive Words – J

Posted on February 4, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Journey – This word makes me positively happy, because my life has been, and will continue to be a journey. On my journey, I have gone from an angry child, to a rebellious teen. From a sad, and lonely adult, to a wonderful, woman who enjoys life, laughter, and love.

The Power Of Positive Words – I

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Imagine – This word makes me feel positively happy because the things I imagine now – for myself and my life – are positive, and full of beauty. I no longer have the habit of imagining a life full of pain, and bad things. I imagine myself having a full life – containing joy, and laughter.

Power Of Positive Words – H

Posted on February 2, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Healthy – This word makes me feel positively happy because my physical, and mental health has drastically improved. Being healthy is something I used to take for granted. When my health began to decline – including my mental health – I gave up on life. With the help of awesome doctors, an awesome medical support system, and an awesome personal support system my overall health is improving by leaps, and bounds. I no longer take being healthy for granted – I have to be an active participant in my own health care. Being healthier has opened a world of new possibilities for me. I think that is pretty AWESOME!

Power Of Positive Words – G

Posted on February 1, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

Please feel free to list your own positive words for today’s letter. You are also more than welcome to “copy” this idea, and create your own list of positive words on your blog.

Grown – This word makes me feel positively happy because I can see how much I have grown, and changed over the last few years. It is not just that I have learned how to manage my mental health better, it also has to do with the fact that I am much happier than I have been in many, many years. I look at my old self – remembering how negative, and pessimistic I used to be – and I feel so sad for that person. She was someone who did not value herself, and did not believe she had the right to happiness. I am glad I can recognize who I used to be. It makes me really appreciate how I have grown.

Spreading Myself Too Thin

Posted on January 31, 2011 by Margaret Tidwell

One of the side effects of being an Approval Addict is I have a difficult time saying no. I tend to keep accepting projects, and responsibilities – to make other people happy, and not hurt anyone’s feelings – until I become absolutely overwhelmed. Once that happens, everything I do suffers.

Spreading myself too thin makes me sloppy. I feel like I am always rushing around – with not enough time to put things away properly. I do not pay attention to detail, and will not put as much effort into a project as I should. I will declare things “done”, when they really need a little more time and effort. It interferes with my creativity. I experience more bouts of writer’s block when I am feeling overwhelmed than at any other time. I even treat my relationships in a sloppy manner by not paying much attention to them. I feel as if I do not have the time to “deal” with the people in my life, because I am so busy trying to make them happy. At some point feelings of guilt set in.

Because I know I am not doing a “good enough” job managing all the responsibilities I accepted, I get hit by waves, waves of guilt. This makes things worse. Guilt has a way of messing with my head. It very often leads to me having depression symptoms, anxiety attacks, and interferes with my concentration. It can paralyze me. Once I reach that point, I bail out of life, and all my responsibilities. Rather than let anyone know I am in over my head, I do not do anything – disappointing everyone – leading to even more feelings of guilt, and more severe depression symptoms.

I have learned that I have the right – duty – to eliminate things that make feel as if I am spread to thin. It benefits everyone involved. People are not left with incomplete projects, and feelings of disappointment. I am not left feeling guilty, and depressed. As I have gained self confidence, and self worth, my need for the approval of others has drastically decreased – making it easier for me to use “no”. All of this is a huge indication of how much my mental health has improved.

Do you ever have a problem using the word “no”? If so, does this lead to feeling has if you have spread yourself too thin?

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Tag Archives: Depression

Power Of Positive Words – O

Trapped

Power Of Positive Words – N

Power Of Positive Words – L

Power Of Positive Words – K

Power Of Positive Words – J

Journey – This word makes me positively happy, because my life has been, and will continue to be a journey. On my journey, I have gone from an angry child, to a rebellious teen. From a sad, and lonely adult, to a wonderful, woman who enjoys life, laughter, and love.

The Power Of Positive Words – I

Imagine – This word makes me feel positively happy because the things I imagine now – for myself and my life – are positive, and full of beauty. I no longer have the habit of imagining a life full of pain, and bad things. I imagine myself having a full life – containing joy, and laughter.

Power Of Positive Words – H

Power Of Positive Words – G

Spreading Myself Too Thin