Category Archives: Depression

My Voice Mail To Depression

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For day seven of the WEGO Health’s Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge the prompt is:

Leave your condition a text or voice mail. Check in with your health by pretending you are leaving a quick note. Bonus points if you find a way to record it in audio form too!

Below you will see the audio file that contains the recording of my voice mail, underneath that is a written copy of what I said.

depression voice mail

Hey depression,

I thought I would check in with you real quick and see how things were going. I know it has been a difficult few months for us, but I wanted you to know save draft how much I really appreciate you letting me be the one in control -most days. Let’s keep up the good work and I’ll check in again with you soon.

Power Of Positive Words- S

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I am now on my third set of positive words – going in alphabetical order.  I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

 

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind were peppered with negativity.  At that time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life.  Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use.  Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank.  My life is very different now.  I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with what much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

 

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

 

Strong – This word makes me positively happy because I am strong.  I honestly thought dad’s death would just undo me.  While some days have been extremely difficult, I have noticed I am stronger than I gave myself credit for.  I miss dad every day – and I think I always will- however, I believe he would be proud to see me coming through this OK.

Power Of Positive Words-R

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I am now on my third set of positive words -going in alphabetical order.  I get just as much out of them now as I if did when I began this series.

 

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind were peppered with negativity.  At that time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life.  Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use.  Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank.  My life is very different now.  I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with much joy.  I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

 

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

 

Remarkable -This  word makes me feel positively positive because when I look at my mother I can see how remarkable she is.  It has been very difficult for her since my dad died, but she has handled everything with grace, and done a wonderful job.  She has had to make an awful lot of phone calls that started with ” My husband recently died… “, and as hard as it has been she’s done it.  Although there have been times when she’s been very, very sad, she has shown  a great deal of strength during this difficult time.  She is a remarkable woman and I’m blessed that she is my mother.

The Depression Question Poem

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Today is day 7 of WEGO’s Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge. I think today’s prompt is unusual, but at the same time it has been fun. Today’s prompt is:

Write a poem (5-­‐15 lines) where every line is a health question.

 

Why did depression rule me in every way, every single day?

Is there something in my brain, that has come to stay?

Or was I born this way?

Is there any way to know, what caused my tears to flow, several years ago.

Is depression part of God’s plan, for a wo-man?

What is the lesson I can learn from all the pain in my brain?

Do you think it will go away someday?

Is there any way to know, what caused my tears to flow, several years ago.

What can I do to help myself put my depression on the shelf?

Or should I embrace it and learn from it?

Maybe I should show it who is boss, and give it a toss?

Is there any way to know, what caused my tears to flow, several years ago.

Most likely no, but at least now they are a no go…

I Write About Depression…

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I am on day 6 of WEGO Health’s Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge and this is today’s prompt:

“I write about my health because…”Reflect on why you write, in writing.Meta!

 

Why do I write about my depression? Because it helps me.

In September of 2009 I experienced a short stay in a state run psychiatric hospital. Unfortunately, when I was allowed to leave I still felt like I was filled with out of control emotions  – the strongest was a feeling of rage. I knew that unless I found a healthy way to manage those out of control emotions I would most likely find myself back in that hospital. So, I came up with the idea of writing – blogging – about the stuff in my head. My thinking was if I could get those emotions out of me – through writing – then I might stand a chance at getting them under control. For the most part, it has worked out that way.

To this day, I am not completely sure why I chose a public forum – blogging – to do my journaling. Most likely it had something to do with accountability, and hoping to find support.

What started off as an experiment in journaling has grown into something much more. Writing has allowed me to look at my issues from a different perspective – giving me an opportunity to understand myself better, and make different choices for myself. My writing has become a valuable tool in my depression treatment. It has also helped me create a wonderful online support system, and made it possible for me to meet some people who have become very special to me. The thing that has surprised me the most is how much I enjoy writing. It is something I never thought I had any talent for, and when I was younger I disliked it intensely.

Somehow, all this journaling about my depression, and connecting with other people who have mental health issues has turned me into a Mental Health Activist. The more I have gotten to know other people with mental health diagnosises, heard their stories, and learned how the world treats people like me, the more passionate I have become about being one of the voices that speaks out against stigmatizing people with mental health issues.

I write about my depression because it helps me. It helps me learn about myself, and encourages me to grow. I write because it is an outlet for my emotions. Writing has helped me make friends, and find my voice. It has allowed me to share my story, and add my voice to the growing number of voices that speak out against the stigma that surrounds people with mental health issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Power Of Positive Words – Q

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Question – This word makes me feel positively happy because I have learned to question mine – and other people’s – preconceived ideas about me. I am not what other people say, or think I am. I am not who I used to think I was. I am me – warts and all.

 

Wise Words

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A friend of dad’s brought by several boxes full of things that were in dad’s office. As I was bringing them in, I noticed a little plaque. The words on it caught my attention for a couple of reasons.

Basically, the words on the plaque embodied dad’s approach to life, and they represent a way of life I am striving towards. I took a picture of it so I could share it with you.

Depression Haiku

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This is the fifth day of WEGO Health’s Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge and this is today’s prompt:

Health Haiku. 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables about your condition.Write a few if you would like.

Writing poems is something I have no skill for, but I am going to give this a shot – once I learn how to.

Please note, I am using some of these Haikus to describe what it was like before I began depression treatment.

Light has gone away

Darkness fills me every day

Nothing more to say

 

Today is the day

I put my plan into play

Do not want to stay

 

I wake up in tears

Filled with a new set of fears

Angry and still here

 

New place new ideas

New found hope and fewer fears

Life better I’m here to stay

Shame On You!

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I try really hard to not to recount every little thing that goes on between me, and Joe Bob, however, this morning he said something so ridiculous that I am still shaking my head over it. My mind is amazed that 1. he would actually believe what he said to me and 2. that he would bring it up so soon after my father’s death.

During a phone call this morning, Joe Bob said he was going to go ahead and proceed with the divorce, and let me know when the paperwork was finished. He said he was doing it because I “had moved on”. My response was “Moved on how?”

He said that I had been “seen” – last week – at the place where I go for depression treatment with “some guy”. I was at the treatment center twice last week. Once on Wednesday morning, and then again Thursday morning. I asked him who told him this, and what day did this happen on? He said the person was his oldest niece, and she saw me HOLDING HANDS with a guy Wednesday morning.

His oldest niece happens to be on juvenile probation, and those probation offices are right next door to my treatment center. So I can believe that she was there, I can even believe she might have seen me, but this whole thing about ME holding hands with “some guy” is beyond stupid, and ridiculous.

Tuesday night, Minnie – my little dog – and I spent the night with my friend from group. A female friend…Wednesday morning I packed Minnie in a bag, and took her to group with me and my friend. No guy involved. Even in my group there is no guy – it is an all women’s group.

So between riding to the treatment center with my friend, and me being very noticeable because of having my dog with me, there is a huge number of people who could/would be able to truthfully say I was not there with “some guy”

When I went to the treatment center Thursday, my mother took me, and was waiting in the parking lot when I got finished.  Again, there are loads of people who could/would say there was no “some guy” with me.

Oops! Someone got busted in a lie. Either Joe Bob is lying, and his oldest niece said nothing of the sort, or his niece lied to him. SHAME ON whoever did the lying, and SHAME ON Joe Bob for bringing it up. This teaches me to NOT answer the phone when he calls.