Last week – when I went to group – I had the opportunity to have some one-on-one time with my counselor. It is the first time we have done that in a while. It was good. I needed the time alone with her to hear some ideas she had about how to manage some of the things going on in my life right now. At the end of the session, she reminded me of the attitude I had when I first began seeing her. Here is an example of the conversations she, and I used to have.
Counselor: “Why kind of things do you do to distract yourself when you are experiencing anxiety, stress or depression symptoms.”
Me: “Go to bed, and sleep. That is the only thing that works”
Counselor: “What about going for a walk, and getting some fresh air?”
Me: “Nope. My asthma gets in the way of doing that.”
Counselor: “Have you thought about volunteering or doing things for other people?”
Me: “Can’t do it. I always feel bad because of my diabetes, and asthma. There is no way I can do anything for anyone else”
Counselor: “Reading? Writing down your thoughts?”
Me: “No, and no. I cannot concentrate enough to do those things. Besides, that takes effort. I would rather just spend time in bed.”
My depression had so much control over my life that I had an excuse, and reason why I could not do any of the things she suggested. At that time, it seemed like everything she was suggesting took too much effort. Even reading a book. Spending most of the day in my pajamas – in bed – was all I wanted to do. My counselor’s purpose for reminding me of all the excuses I used to make was to show me how much different my attitude is now, and how much my life has changed.
I have a much more full life now than I have had in years. It has a texture, and a flavor that I cannot recall experiencing before. When I think back to when I first started my depression treatment – looking for any excuse I could to keep from getting better – and compare what my life was like back then to what it is like now, I am amazed. I do not think my old self would even recognize the person I am now.
My counselor gave me a wonderful gift when she pointed out the changes in my attitude.
The power of positive words is life giving. They build me up, and provide me with encouragement. They have been known to empower me, giving me the confidence I need to face something difficult. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….I am making a list of words for each letter (A-Z) and include why each word makes me feel positively happy.
The other night I experienced an uncomfortable – yet familiar – set of emotions. It was feeling as if I had done something wrong, disappointed someone, and I was going to get into trouble for it. They caused me to feel very anxious, gave me an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, and made me extremely over sensitive to what the people around me said and did. Fortunately, I was able to recognize them for what they were – an ingrained habit learned over the last several years.
The power of positive words is life giving. They build me up, and provide me with encouragement. They have been known to empower me, giving me the confidence I need to face something difficult. Beginning with the letter A and ending it with Z….I am going to make a list of one word for each letter (A-Z) and include why this word makes me feel positively happy.
In the past, negativity, sadness, anxiety, and worry clouded both my waking, and sleeping dreams. I was so good at imagining a different reality for myself, that the emotions I felt were real. Unfortunately, I never concentrated that good imagination on anything positive. Life is different now. I see so many good things in life, that I find it impossible to take my thoughts, and dreams down such negative paths.
I love finding things to be thankful for. It allows me to better see the blessings in my life. It also makes it easier for me to keep a positive attitude on difficult days. Here are five things that I am thankful for today.
Wednesday I went up to North Georgia to attend my depression group, and to pick up some medications from the free clinic I go to. It was a long but fun day. I stayed over night with my grandmother, because I needed to take her to a doctor’s appointment on Thursday. My mother had an appointment with the same doctor at around the same time on Thursday as well. The initial plan was for me to drop my grandmother off at the doctor’s office, pick up some strollers from my brother, and then head back to Augusta. My mother – and the friend that drove her – were going to take my grandmother back home after they finished up. They had planned to spend the night with her, and come back this morning. All of our plans got changed when we saw a weather report that said the weather could get a bit snowy/icy up there Thursday night. Since my mother’s friend had driven her up there, and her friend’s husband is going out of town for business this weekend, they really did not want to get stuck up in the mountains. Her friend wanted to be able to be back in Augusta to see her husband off.