Last week – when I went to group – I had the opportunity to have some one-on-one time with my counselor. It is the first time we have done that in a while. It was good. I needed the time alone with her to hear some ideas she had about how to manage some of the things going on in my life right now. At the end of the session, she reminded me of the attitude I had when I first began seeing her. Here is an example of the conversations she, and I used to have.

Counselor: “Why kind of things do you do to distract yourself when you are experiencing anxiety, stress or depression symptoms.”

Me: “Go to bed, and sleep. That is the only thing that works”

Counselor: “What about going for a walk, and getting some fresh air?”

Me: “Nope. My asthma gets in the way of doing that.”

Counselor: “Have you thought about volunteering or doing things for other people?”

Me: “Can’t do it. I always feel bad because of my diabetes, and asthma. There is no way I can do anything for anyone else”

Counselor: “Reading? Writing down your thoughts?”

Me: “No, and no. I cannot concentrate enough to do those things. Besides, that takes effort. I would rather just spend time in bed.”

My depression had so much control over my life that I had an excuse, and reason why I could not do any of the things she suggested. At that time, it seemed like everything she was suggesting took too much effort. Even reading a book. Spending most of the day in my pajamas – in bed – was all I wanted to do. My counselor’s purpose for reminding me of all the excuses I used to make was to show me how much different my attitude is now, and how much my life has changed.

I have a much more full life now than I have had in years. It has a texture, and a flavor that I cannot recall experiencing before. When I think back to when I first started my depression treatment – looking for any excuse I could to keep from getting better – and compare what my life was like back then to what it is like now, I am amazed. I do not think my old self would even recognize the person I am now.

My counselor gave me a wonderful gift when she pointed out the changes in my attitude.