I have really enjoyed having Abby here as the Mental Health Blogger Of The Week. She has done an awesome job!

For today’s submission, I had asked Abby to share with us what gives her inspiration.  The following is her answer to my question.

For such a straightforward question,
I’m having a rough time
finding a straightforward answer.
Probably because
I’m not sure
I have sources
of or for inspiration
in the sense of books or people
so much as
actions and movement
that inspire me
to keep going,
to keep living,
reminders of why
I keep going.
On that note,
these are things
that often inspire me,
and as odd as they might be
to some
they are my sources of inspiration.

The sound of my knitting needles
clicking softly together.
E.E. Cummings’ poetry.
The sun shining through clouds
in the late afternoon.
Music, be it
Beethoven or Britney –
it doesn’t really matter
if it feels right.
Yoga,
and how it brings me
into myself
and into the moment,
even and especially
when I’m leaving patterns
of sweat drops
on my mat.
Knowing
I have done my best,
in whatever I have set out to do
when the end of the day arrives.
High fantasy series
that take months to read,
dragons
and chaos magic.
Sometimes
it’s a phrase
or a word
and the meanings behind it
that unveils
reveals
uncovers
understanding and wisdom
I didn’t know I had within me,
that I did not know
I was capable of.

I wish I had
a list of websites or books,
movies or famous people,
but for me
true inspiration
is in the little things,
the small day to day things
that let me know
I’m still here
still putting
one foot in front of the other,
still refusing
to give in,
still refusing
to give up
even when
giving up
is all I believe I want.
In a way,
my not giving up
is an inspiration for me,
as narcissistic as that might sound.
Honestly though,
I think
that we all
could stand
to be
inspired
by ourselves;
that every one of us
could be
in our own right
inspiring,
if we’d give ourselves
the chance
to step out from behind
and out from under
the need to be perfect.
If we’d stopped looking
at what was wrong
and saw
truthfully
without judgment and comparison
how amazing we each are
how strong we truly are,
how we could,
if we let ourselves see ourselves,
be our own inspiration.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~ Thomas A. Edison

To me, writing is like putting a piece of myself on paper.  No matter how serious or silly the topic or my writing is, it still represents a piece of me.  Writing has gotten me through many sad days, bad days, and overwhelming days. Writing has become a way for me to celebrate my successes and a way for me to try out new things.

I have been fortunate because most people who read what I write enjoy it.  Part of me knows that I should not place that much value on what people think about my writing, but I do.  Today, I got a glimpse of a less than favorable review of my writing.  It hurt.  It really made me question what I am doing, spending all the time that I do on my writing.

It has been a day of reflection, and building myself back up.  I LET someone’s words discourage me.  I almost ALLOWED another person’s opinion to cause me to throw in the towel.  One thing that came to mind while I was thinking about what happened is that there are plenty of famous people in history who were told they were not “good enough”.

Thomas Edison – His teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Walt Disney – He was fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.

Charles Schultz – He had every cartoon he submitted rejected by his high school yearbook staff. Oh, and Walt Disney wouldn’t hire him.

Fred Astaire – After his first screen test, the memo from the testing director of MGM, dated 1933, read, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” He kept that memo over the fire place in his Beverly Hills home. Astaire once observed that “when you’re experimenting, you have to try so many things before you choose what you want, that you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion.” And here is the reward for perseverance: “The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it’s considered to be your style.”

Sidney Poitier – After his first audition, he was told by the casting director, “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” It was at that moment, recalls Poitier, that he decided to devote his life to acting.

Louisa May Alcott – Author of Little Women, was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family.

Jack London – received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story.

Dr. Seuss – 27 publishers rejected his first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.

I know that there will be more not so flattering reviews of my writing in the future.  If I am going to continue to make my work public – which I intend to – then I need to get used to it.  That does not mean that it will not hurt, it just means I need to learn how to roll with the punches.  Instead of seeing what is said as a negative, maybe I should see it as a challenge.

Please welcome Abby, of Life @ The Poles to her second day as the Mental Health Blogger of the Week.  Today she is going to share her favorite mental health resources with us.

Online resoruces:

Surprisingly, Twitter and Google are where I turn first when I’m looking for information about anything mental health. There is something to be said for having the minds and lives of millions of people just a few clicks away, and the friends I’ve made through Twitter have seen me through some tough times. The Twitter tags, #depression, #mentalhealth, and #bipolar, are a few good places to start looking if you are newer to Twitter, or new to the mental health community there. (And there is one!) As if that the support of like minded people wasn’t enough,  through the blogs of the friends and acquaintances I’ve made through twitter, I’ve come to find out how many others there are out there living courageously with mental disorders. I don’t feel nearly as alone, and sometimes that is what makes the difference between getting through a day emotionally intact and breaking down.

McMan’s Depression and Bipolar Web (http://www.mcmanweb.com/) is a fantastic individual site for articles on behavior, treatment, and often overlooked, recovery from mental health disorders. I spent HOURS reading it the first time I found it – there is THAT much information there.

When it comes to medications, I simple adore Crazy Meds. (http://www.crazymeds.us/) It’s not often you get a thorough explanation of a wide variety of mental health medications – complete with pros, cons, side effects and, most importantly to me, a sense of humor. When you’ve spent days bogged down in technical descriptions of the medications you may or may not be taking or might be soon or are considering, a concise, humorous, CLEAR explanation in words most adults can understand.

Offline:

My Psychiatrist/Therapist. I’m lucky that my therapist IS my psychiatrist,  however, if you happen to have two professionals you work with, they are BOTH invaluable resources for you when dealing with your disorder. Even with as much information available over the internet as there is, it’s not a replacement for being able to sit down and talk with someone who knows how the human mind and emotions work, and more importantly, knows YOU. It takes time to establish that relationship, to get to know them and for them to get to know you, but once you DO establish it, it’s an invaluable resource for dealing with whatever disorder you are dealing with. Let them help you, ask questions, LOTS of questions! It’s what they are there for!

Writing. I write daily whenever possible, even if it’s just a few lines about how I slept poorly, ate junk and then was in a grumpy mood that evening. (Or visa versa!) Over time, having this record of how you felt and what you did and what you were thinking and what was going on around you will make an enormous difference. You’ll be able to go back and read about the last time you felt a certain way and compare it to this time, and see if there are similar triggers, events, foods, medications, sleeping habits, and so on. Without that over-time information, it’s easier to miss the patterns! The record of those patterns will be one of the tools you use to manage your disorder actively; it gives you the power to deal with it actively. And that power will make a difference in how you look at your disorder – you won’t feel nearly as helpless in dealing with a disorder that can often feel completely out of your control.

Family/Friends. Whether it’s a phone call, an instant message, an email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs – those friends who are supportive and understanding,  that support network  – they are the net that catches you when it feels like you are free falling and out of hope. They’ll grab your arm and drag you back up, or sit there on the ground with you until you can get back on your feet. I know it can be hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to others, to admit that we are struggling and need help – but friends, people who love you, do want to be there for you when you need them most, just like you’d want them to reach out to you if they were suffering and needed help. This was a hard lesson for me, and one I still struggle with – but it’s one worth learning. (Also, they can provide a mirror and a second memory to help you pinpoint your triggers or stumbling blocks – just remember to take what they say with a grain of salt, and use YOUR good judgment when it comes to what someone else says about you, your moods, your triggers, your particular flavor of disorder.)

I’m sure I have a dozen other places I turn to, depending on what I’m looking for – but these are my first lines of defense, the places and people I turn to when I don’t think I can take another step on my own. As time goes by, we all develop our own set of resources, but these seven are my favorite overall when it comes to information and help getting back on my feet.

Our Lord, we belong to you.  We tell you what worries us, and you won’t let us fall. Psalm 55:22

At the age of 40, I have managed to retire.  I realize that given the economic state that the world is in right now, retiring at my age is almost impossible.  However, I have. After spending most of my life in the same line of work, I have moved on to something else. In some ways I have missed my old profession.  After all, anytime you give up a job that you have held for as many years as I did that one, there is going to be some sense of loss.

Before you starting thinking you can jump right in and apply for my old position, you need to be aware that it is not a job for just anyone. People employed in this line of work need to have the ability to frequently stay up all night, be fairly tolerant of pain, have a terrific imagination, and know how to keep secrets. Not everyone is gifted with those abilities.  Without them though, there is no way that the duties required by this particular job can be completed.

There are some great benefits associated with this line of work, the best one is that it is impossible to be fired.  Just like the Supreme Court Justices – with less vetting – once you obtain that position, you are in it for life.  Unless you retire, like I did.

Still thinking about applying?  After all having a job that you cannot be fired from is a pretty sweet deal. I guess that means I should probably give you a heads up about a few things. The is no extra pay for overtime – you will be working way more than 40 hours a week. At any second you could be called into work, so forget making any long term plans with your family.  Also, when you are working you must give it your absolutely undivided attention.

Still interested? Alright then! Here is a list of some of the job duties:

• At all times you must wait for “the other shoe” to drop.
• Without exception, you must have a huge painful knot in your stomach.  Throwing in some nausea or a bleeding ulcer might not get you a raise, but it will score you some brownie points with the bosses.
• When giving this job your undivided attention, you must tune everyone and everything out, including your own personal needs – sleep, showering, fresh air.
• You will be required to use your imagination to create a multitude of “What if” scenarios about one particular subject.
• All “What if” scenarios must be negative in nature.

Now that you have some of the information about this job opening, you probably would like to know what position you will be applying for.  It is a Professional Worrier.

I am enjoying my retirement.

I was a very talented Profession Worrier.  You name it, and I could worry about it.  I was so good that I could even make up things to worry about.  I could easily stay up all night worrying.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I even developed my very own ulcer.

Retiring from my chosen profession was no easy task, but I am glad I did.  I am enjoying my retirement too much to ever want to go back to it.

• I enjoy not have a painful knot in my stomach all the time.
• I enjoy not being paralyzed by fear and worry.
• I enjoy not having to worry all night long.
• I enjoy not making myself incredibly sad and upset from made up “What if” scenarios.
• I enjoy not having to be so focused on worrying that I ignore my family and my own personal needs.
• I am enjoying getting out of the house and experiencing fresh air.

Retirement Plan

If you are already a Profession Worrier, or plan on taking over the vacancy I created when I retired, you will  eventually become – what I like to call – soul weary. Being a Professional Worrier is hard work, that wears you out -body and soul – very quickly.  You will need some sort of exit plan when you decide to retire.

• Go Part Time – Being employed as a Professional Worrier is almost addictive.  When you begin to implement your exit plan, do not just stop worrying cold turkey. Instead, only worry two times a day – 15 minutes each time.  Be sure to keep to the time you have alloted for worrying.  Part time means you will not be allowed to perform you job duties, except during your 15 minute time slots.
• Stop Performing Some Of Your Job Duties – No longer give your job your undivided attention.  Make room in your life for your family, friends, and your needs.
• Retrain Your Brain – The training that was needed for you to be able to create all those negative “What if” scenarios can be undone. You can retrain your brain by making a more conscious effort to stop creating “What if” scenarios, and also by finding at least three positives in every situation.
• Silence Is Not Golden – One of the mandates that a Professional Worrier has is to NOT share what is on their mind.  Immediately stop being silent, and share your worries with friends and family.  It will take some of the burden off of you.
• Prayer Factor – Hand over All of your worries to God.  It will take All of the burden off of you.

I am looking forward to seeing you all around the shuffle board court!

I really like my counselor. From the time I began seeing her, she has always said that if I needed her, even if I did not have an appointment, she would make time for me. Thursday she did just that. Between what had been going on in my brain and some things that had been brought up during my appointment with the psychiatrist, I knew that I was treading a fine line.

My counselor spent almost an hour with me, and was able to help me process a bit of what is going on.  I asked her if part of the reason I was feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions right now was as a result of not taking Effexor anymore.  I feel part of the reason I have been able to achieve a certain amount of stability in my mental health is because the Effexor sort of “dampened” my emotional response to things.  Now that I am feeling emotions at full strength I am not able to process them.  She agreed that this is probably part of what is going on with me right now. She also pointed out that I have a real problem with any type of strong emotion.

One of the things she feels is coming to the surface is some real anger I have about certain situations with people. Anger that I have not come to terms with.  She suggested that during this time of change that it might be a good idea for me and her to spend some time on the anger and together we can figure out some ways I can let it go.

I am so glad I took the initiative to ask to see my counselor.  I went in a weepy mess, I left feeling a bit stronger.  I am struggling, but at least I know that I have people around who will help me muddle my way through it.