Monthly Archives: October 2010

Go Wild Wednesdays

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Do you have a blog of your own, but do not always feel free to vent the way you want because of friends and/or family reading it?

Maybe you do not have a blog, but would love a place to be able to speak your mind without the responsibility of maintaining your own site?

Let me introduce you to Go Wild Wednesdays!

You can have your very own spot, here on Sugar Filled Emotions to get what you need off of your chest. Some things you might want to vent about are family, friends, their reactions to your mental health issue/mental illness. Vent about your own issues, mental health, diabetes, asthma are just to name a few. Rant about your children making you crazy.  Even post pictures or graphics that represent something meaningful you.

Think of Go Wild Wednesdays as your very own personal soap box that will afford you a little more freedom than you might have on your own blog, real life, or in any social media outlet you are currently a part of .

If you are interested in participating in Go Wild Wednesdays, using your real name, fill out this contact form to let me know. Contact Me

Once you contacted me, we can decide if you want to use your real name for Go Wild Wednesdays or write under a pseudonym.

Posts with an over abundance of strong language, or contain racial or stigmatizing ideas will not be allowed publication.

I am looking forward to all sorts of creativity on Wednesdays!

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Circle Of Death

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When I saw the counselor on Thursday, she had a suggestion – homework – for me.  It has to do with setting boundaries and finding ways for my family – husband and daughter – to remember to not cross them. This is going to sound absolutely crazy – no pun intended – but she suggested I do something silly and create a Circle Of Death.

She knows I like to try and use some humor when I set boundaries, it makes it easier for the family to accept them. She is also aware that when I am feeling like I am now, I do not want to be touched, or even like people in my personal space. I feel as if I am being smothered when I am having personal space issues and people insist on entering it. Her rather unusual homework was for me to take some duct tape and create a circle around me. Include where I am sitting to do my writing – the couch.

After I create my circle, I am to let my family know that as long as I am in it they cannot talk to me, or touch me or do anything that compromises my personal space. I am also to tell them that the Circle of Death is for their own protection.  It is a way for me to be with them, while at the same time separating myself from them just enough so that I do not yell at them or hurt their feelings, given my extreme irritability and agitation right now.

Creating the Circle of Death will give them a fair verbal warning and also a physical reminder that there is a zone they should not enter. This will eliminate any confusion – on their part – about where my boundary begins, and what the consequences will be if they choose to cross it. If they choose to ignore the boundary then they are responsible for the consequences – taking their lives in their own hands, so to speak.

I will let you know how it goes!

Look Where I Am Now

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As I mentioned in a post about the new features coming to Sugar Filled Emotions, I have created a video chat.

That picture you see over there is me in my pajamas, with bed hair setting things up this morning.  With the help of a volunteer, I was able to figure out how to set things up, as well as determine that you do not have to have a web cam to participate.  Even if you do not have a web cam you should be able to see and hear me, and there is a chat box for you to type in.

I have made it possible for you to access the chat in two ways.  I have set up a permanent page – that you can find in the navigation bar – for you to click on and it will take you to the chat.  You can also access via this link My Video Chat.

Unless you sign up for an account with Tinychat, you will be logged in as guest.  That is no big deal.  You can change the auto generated name that you are given my using a very simple command.  Which is /nick (after the word nick put in the name you want to use – example /nick Melissa)

I will be hosting the first video chat, Wednesday at 9:00 pm EST.  It will be completely informal, so that we can all get used to use this feature.  However, if you have any mental health questions, comments, observations you want to bring up, you are more than welcome to.

I hope to see you there.

Mental Health Blogger Of The Week

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I am very excited about introducing the very first featured blogger for Sugar Filled Emotions‘ new feature Mental Health Blogger of the Week.

Please welcome Abby of Life @ The Poles! Abby was initially diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder by her Primary Care Physician in January, 2010.  She originally created Life @ The Poles as a place where she could write about the “the ups and downs and twists and turns” that go on in her head.  As she has been on her blogging journey she has discovered that her blog can serve as a place for other people with Bipolar Disorder to visit and learn that they are not alone.  Her own words best describe this “Because sometimes not feeling so alone is the first step towards not feeling like it’s your fault, towards being able to believe that you are ‘Normal’.”

I know you will enjoy what Abby has written for us.  Please take the time to show her some love in the comments.

Somebody, Someday

When I was a child
I wanted to be Someone.
Someone special,
someone worth taking notice of.
Someone who,
in their own way,
would change the world around them,
who could would help the world
see things from a different perspective,
Someone who was special.
I admired
Albert Einstein and Van Gogh,
Da Vinci and Beethoven,
and imagined,
wished,
dreamed
I had what it took
to be counted among them.
To be Somebody, someday.

I eventually realized that
I wasn’t ever going to be Somebody.
I was different.
I was weird.
I didn’t fit in anywhere.
In the logic of the outcast,
I decided that
I was never going to be Somebody
because I didn’t fit in anywhere,
because no one else
thought or worked like I did,
because where most of my peers
were talking about
the latest TV show
or celebrity news,
I was eyes deep
in Neurobiology
and Astronomy,
and where my peers were reading
People or Cosmo
I was happily reading
Greek Mythology and Edgar Allan Poe.
I
was strange.
I
was weird.
I
was different.

I
was a fish out of water
everywhere but alone,
buried in my books,
or my poetry,
or my art,
or my music.
I was
a Nobody
to the world of my peers.
And yet,
no matter how often I told myself
over the years,
I was never going to be Somebody,
deep down
that little child in me
still wanted
to be Somebody.
Still wanted to believe
that I had what it took.
Even when
I spent more time
talking to myself
or reading or writing
or working on art projects
than I did interacting with people,
that child
still wanted to believe
I could be Somebody,
even when
all signs pointed
to Nobody.

Sometimes
it doesn’t take much to change
the way you see
everything.
Sometimes,
it’s as simple as
someone you trust restating the obvious
from a different perspective –
someone pointing out
that weird
that oddball
that strange
that not fitting in
means
that you are different –
that
you
are special.
And very slowly,
I began to realize
that all those parts of me
that I had come to hate
because they made me “weird”
or “strange”
or an “oddball”
were why
I could be
Somebody –
if I’d stop fighting
who I was.
If I’d stop
trying to be what I am not
and see, realize, understand,
that you can’t change the world
if you aren’t
at least a little different from it,
and that you can’t show people
how to see things from another perspective
if you don’t see from a perspective
that no one else sees from.
You have to be different
to stand out,
and to be Somebody
you have to stand out.
All those years I spent
trying to fit into
what I thought I should be.
All those years
trying to be Somebody
by being like everyone else.
All those years
of wanting to be something
I already was.

My psychiatrist told me
in one of my early appointments,
I suspect as a reassurance of some sort
after I said I hated myself I think,
that many of the great minds
dealt with a mental disorder,
or were suspected of having one.
Einstein and Van Gogh
are said to have had Bipolar Disorder
and Beethoven and Da Vinci
are suspected
to have had Bipolar Disorder, as well.
I guess I’m not THAT different after all,
because
I have Bipolar Disorder too.
There may be hope
for my becoming
Somebody someday
after all.

Thankful Five

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What am I thankful for this week?  Many things.  I have done more than my fair share of whining and complaining over the last few weeks.  I really need to reset my focus onto things that build me up.

Is there anything you are thankful for this week?  I would love to hear about it.

  • I am thankful for good friends on Twitter who attention to how I am behaving.
  • I am thankful for a husband who has been patient enough to put up with my extreme crankiness.
  • I am thankful for windows to open.
  • I am thankful for a psychiatrist that seems to care.
  • I am thankful for the beautiful fall weather.

Enjoying Retirement

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Our Lord, we belong to you.  We tell you what worries us, and you won’t let us fall. Psalm 55:22

At the age of 40, I have managed to retire.  I realize that given the economic state that the world is in right now, retiring at my age is almost impossible.  However, I have. After spending most of my life in the same line of work, I have moved on to something else. In some ways I have missed my old profession.  After all, anytime you give up a job that you have held for as many years as I did that one, there is going to be some sense of loss.

Before you starting thinking you can jump right in and apply for my old position, you need to be aware that it is not a job for just anyone. People employed in this line of work need to have the ability to frequently stay up all night, be fairly tolerant of pain, have a terrific imagination, and know how to keep secrets. Not everyone is gifted with those abilities.  Without them though, there is no way that the duties required by this particular job can be completed.

There are some great benefits associated with this line of work, the best one is that it is impossible to be fired.  Just like the Supreme Court Justices – with less vetting – once you obtain that position, you are in it for life.  Unless you retire, like I did.

Still thinking about applying?  After all having a job that you cannot be fired from is a pretty sweet deal. I guess that means I should probably give you a heads up about a few things. The is no extra pay for overtime – you will be working way more than 40 hours a week. At any second you could be called into work, so forget making any long term plans with your family.  Also, when you are working you must give it your absolutely undivided attention.

Still interested? Alright then! Here is a list of some of the job duties:

  • At all times you must wait for “the other shoe” to drop.
  • Without exception, you must have a huge painful knot in your stomach.  Throwing in some nausea or a bleeding ulcer might not get you a raise, but it will score you some brownie points with the bosses.
  • When giving this job your undivided attention, you must tune everyone and everything out, including your own personal needs – sleep, showering, fresh air.
  • You will be required to use your imagination to create a multitude of “What if” scenarios about one particular subject.
  • All “What if” scenarios must be negative in nature.

Now that you have some of the information about this job opening, you probably would like to know what position you will be applying for.  It is a Professional Worrier.

I am enjoying my retirement.

I was a very talented Profession Worrier.  You name it, and I could worry about it.  I was so good that I could even make up things to worry about.  I could easily stay up all night worrying.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I even developed my very own ulcer.

Retiring from my chosen profession was no easy task, but I am glad I did.  I am enjoying my retirement too much to ever want to go back to it.

  • I enjoy not have a painful knot in my stomach all the time.
  • I enjoy not being paralyzed by fear and worry.
  • I enjoy not having to worry all night long.
  • I enjoy not making myself incredibly sad and upset from made up “What if” scenarios.
  • I enjoy not having to be so focused on worrying that I ignore my family and my own personal needs.
  • I am enjoying getting out of the house and experiencing fresh air.

Retirement Plan

If you are already a Profession Worrier, or plan on taking over the vacancy I created when I retired, you will  eventually become – what I like to call – soul weary. Being a Professional Worrier is hard work, that wears you out -body and soul – very quickly.  You will need some sort of exit plan when you decide to retire.

  • Go Part Time – Being employed as a Professional Worrier is almost addictive.  When you begin to implement your exit plan, do not just stop worrying cold turkey. Instead, only worry two times a day – 15 minutes each time.  Be sure to keep to the time you have alloted for worrying.  Part time means you will not be allowed to perform you job duties, except during your 15 minute time slots.
  • Stop Performing Some Of Your Job Duties – No longer give your job your undivided attention.  Make room in your life for your family, friends, and your needs.
  • Retrain Your Brain – The training that was needed for you to be able to create all those negative “What if” scenarios can be undone. You can retrain your brain by making a more conscious effort to stop creating “What if” scenarios, and also by finding at least three positives in every situation.
  • Silence Is Not Golden – One of the mandates that a Professional Worrier has is to NOT share what is on their mind.  Immediately stop being silent, and share your worries with friends and family.  It will take some of the burden off of you.
  • Prayer Factor – Hand over All of your worries to God.  It will take All of the burden off of you.

I am looking forward to seeing you all around the shuffle board court!

Go Wild Wednesdays

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Do you have a blog of your own, but do not always feel free to vent the way you want because of friends and/or family reading it?

Maybe you do not have a blog, but would love a place to be able to speak your mind without the responsibility of maintaining your own site?

Let me introduce you to Go Wild Wednesdays!

You can have your very own spot, here on Sugar Filled Emotions to get what you need off of your chest. Some things you might want to vent about are family, friends, their reactions to your mental health issue/mental illness. Vent about your own issues, mental health, diabetes, asthma are just to name a few. Rant about your children making you crazy.  Even post pictures or graphics that represent something meaningful you.

Think of Go Wild Wednesdays as your very own personal soap box that will afford you a little more freedom than you might have on your own blog, real life, or in any social media outlet you are currently a part of .

If you are interested in participating in Go Wild Wednesdays, using your real name, fill out this contact form to let me know. Contact Me

Once you contacted me, we can decide if you want to use your real name for Go Wild Wednesdays or write under a pseudonym.

Posts with an over abundance of strong language, or contain racial or stigmatizing ideas will not be allowed publication.

I am looking forward to all sorts of creativity on Wednesdays!


Time With The Counselor

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I really like my counselor. From the time I began seeing her, she has always said that if I needed her, even if I did not have an appointment, she would make time for me. Thursday she did just that. Between what had been going on in my brain and some things that had been brought up during my appointment with the psychiatrist, I knew that I was treading a fine line.

My counselor spent almost an hour with me, and was able to help me process a bit of what is going on.  I asked her if part of the reason I was feeling so overwhelmed by my emotions right now was as a result of not taking Effexor anymore.  I feel part of the reason I have been able to achieve a certain amount of stability in my mental health is because the Effexor sort of “dampened” my emotional response to things.  Now that I am feeling emotions at full strength I am not able to process them.  She agreed that this is probably part of what is going on with me right now. She also pointed out that I have a real problem with any type of strong emotion.

One of the things she feels is coming to the surface is some real anger I have about certain situations with people. Anger that I have not come to terms with.  She suggested that during this time of change that it might be a good idea for me and her to spend some time on the anger and together we can figure out some ways I can let it go.

I am so glad I took the initiative to ask to see my counselor.  I went in a weepy mess, I left feeling a bit stronger.  I am struggling, but at least I know that I have people around who will help me muddle my way through it.

Go Wild Wednesdays

Posted on by
Reply

Do you have a blog of your own, but do not always feel free to vent the way you want because of friends and/or family reading it?

Maybe you do not have a blog, but would love a place to be able to speak your mind without the responsibility of maintaining your own site?

Let me introduce you to Go Wild Wednesdays!

You can have your very own spot, here on Sugar Filled Emotions to get what you need off of your chest. Some things you might want to vent about are family, friends, their reactions to your mental health issue/mental illness. Vent about your own issues, mental health, diabetes, asthma are just to name a few. Rant about your children making you crazy.  Even post pictures or graphics that represent something meaningful you.

Think of Go Wild Wednesdays as your very own personal soap box that will afford you a little more freedom than you might have on your own blog, real life, or in any social media outlet you are currently a part of .

If you are interested in participating in Go Wild Wednesdays, using your real name, fill out this contact form to let me know. Contact Me

Once you contacted me, we can decide if you want to use your real name for Go Wild Wednesdays or write under a pseudonym.

Posts with an over abundance of strong language, or contain racial or stigmatizing ideas will not be allowed publication.

I am looking forward to all sorts of creativity on Wednesdays!


Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Melissa Mashburn

Depression And Cooking

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Due to how popular my first Depression and Cooking post has been, I decided that I would try and have a post about Depression and Cooking at least a couple of Fridays a month.

When my depression is active, I feel like being extremely inactive. That includes feeding my family. However, since I do not want my depression to control my life, any place I can claim victory over it is a good thing. Sometimes that victory takes the form of preparing my family a tasty and nutritious meal. The key is, the meal needs to be simple. Something I can accomplish with very little effort, or something I can help my family prepare.

When I was visiting my parents, my mother prepared several meals for us. One in particular I enjoyed. I enjoyed it so much because it was something that she had served for supper when I was a kid, and it was very simple. It was our version of a Mexican Salad and cheese quesadillas.

One of the reasons I like the Mexican Salad is that she and I fix it differently and both versions are good. The other reason I like the salad is that it is extremely simple and I usually have at least some of the ingredients around the house. The quesadilla is even more simple and involves two ingredients.

Here is a rough idea of what the recipe is for the Mexican Salad:

Lettuce (salad in a bag works good for this. No prep involved)
ground meat (beef, turkey, chicken, even tofu crumbles)
taco seasoning (I buy it in a pack. All that requires is me dumping it on the meat)
shredded cheese (You can buy cheese already shredded. I buy fairly large packs so I usually have some in the fridge)
canned Kideny beans, drained (I almost always have these in the cabinet. Store brands are cheap, so I buy more than one can at a time)
Russian Salad dressing (This can be a hard type of salad dressing to find, Catalina is a good substitute_
Frito corn chips (crushed) or tortilla chips (broken into bits)

Brown the ground meat, once browned stir in taco seasoning. Put in salad bowl with remaining ingredients. Toss with dressing.

I often serve this same salad with green onions and no ground meat. Instead I will bake a piece of salmon to have with it.

Cheese Quesadillas are great for many reasons.  I have a thing for grilled cheese sandwiches, unfortunately the carbs in the bread are not good for my diabetes.  Using tortillas instead of bread, especially the veggie tortillas reduces the amount of carbs I ingest. Little kids seem to enjoy these as well.

You will need shredded cheese (your choice of the type)

Tortillas (your choice of the type)

Heat olive oil in a pan large enough to hold tortilla. When heated place one tortilla in pan, cover in cheese (the amount of cheese is up to you).  Place second tortilla on top of cheese.  Cook until you think the first tortilla is browning, then flip.  You cheese should be melting.  Once you think the second side has cooked enough.  Remove from heat.  I like to slice the quesadilla up into triangles and then serve.

Let me know if you try these simple recipes out, and what you thought about them!