Freaky Friday Follow

It is time again for Freaky Friday Follow. Here are the rules:
Follow both hosts-Leave comments so we can return the follow
Answer the questions
Grab the button
Come back and link up
Now for the questions.

What is your favorite scary movie? Nightmare On Elm Street


Whats the scariest movie you have ever seen? Poltergeist


Whats your favorite Halloween costume you had when you were little kids? I do not remember having a favorite costume, but here is a picture of me in one.

Whats your favorite Halloween candy? Anything with chocolate


Do you hand out candy or go tricker treating? Who in your house hands out the candy? We are too far out in the country to get Trick Or Treaters.  When the kids were little we would take them into town or to my brother’s neighborhood for trick or treating.


Are you going to dress up this year? If yes, what are you going to be? Just myself

Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter

You heard it right here first! Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own official newsletter!

Starting on October 22, 2010 you can have Sugar Filled Emotions delivered to your inbox on a weekly basis.  It will not just be a recreation of Sugar Filled Emotions the blog. It is going to have interesting Mental Health stories from around the world, I will be highlighting Mental Health Heroes, some of my favorite inspiration quotes and so much more.

Just like Sugar Filled Emotions the blog has evolved since its inception, the content of the Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter will change and become more dynamic as I refine the process.

There is a link at the top of the blog that you can click on to have the newsletter sent to you, or you can use the form contained in this post to sign up for it.

I have great ideas in store for the Official Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter and I look  forward to having you along for the ride!






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Abby Brings It Home

What a wonderful week it has been, having Abby from Life @ The Poles here. It has been a real treat for me.  Not only did she take time away from her day to create a new post for us everyday this week, she did it while her In-Laws have been in town.  Abby rocks!

Let’s look at what she has for us today.

My bad days
can happen at a moment’s notice,
and be gone almost as quickly.
More often than not
I get a stretch of bad days
and it’s those times I have to prepare for.
I try and watch for signs
that a rough patch is on the way,
and having even a little bit of warning
helps.
(This is where the whole
writing daily thing comes in handy.
I know better now
what to look for
because of the writing
than I did before,
so it’s easier to catch them.)

One of the most basic things I do
is plan out
the major meals for the week
ahead of time,
and have all the supplies
in the house
at the start of the week.
I try and keep
a regular as possible
weekly schedule,

as far as when I go shopping and such,
so that if something unexpected happens
(and it often does)
at least I know
what we’re having for dinner.
Even if it’s just the kids and my husband
eating hot dogs
when I’m too depressed to cook or eat.
Which happens more often
than I like to think about.
Other things I do
to help make life smoother
on those rough days
are smaller,
but still important.
I try and keep my mp3 player charged
in case I just need to tune out the world
and unwind.
I try and keep
at least one thing in the house
I know I can grab to eat quickly
that I will eat
no matter what else I won’t eat.
(I go through phases
of not eating certain things
or only eating certain things,
or not eating until dizzy
and feeling ill.
It’s not good for me,
so I try and prepare ahead of time
for those little quirks of mine.)

Sometimes
that might be homemade guacamole (http://lifeatthepoles.com/2010/06/eat-it-with-a-spoon-guacamole/ )
and other times
it may very well be Slim Jims.
Other things are not so much
to make hard days easier
so much as make hard days
harder to have.
I keep my yoga mat
weights
and favorite workout DVD’s
in plain sight at all times,
so there is no forgetting
to get in my workout that day.
I feel better when I do,
at least most days,
and I know
that I’ll ‘forget’
if I don’t have a consistent reminder.
I keep a knitting project near by,
because it’s harder to kill people
if you have needles in your hands.
My medications
are in the same spot
every single day,
and where I will see them
every single day.
There isn’t much
that makes for a harder than usual day
than forgetting my meds that morning.
I also set alarms on the cell phone.
Which might not seem
like something that helps make for a better day
but when you have a tendency
to lose track of time
easily and often
having an alarm go off
shortly before you need to head out
to go pick up the kids from school
or when you need to wake up
(just in case
you turn off the other alarm in your sleep)

helps things go much more smoothly.
Besides that,
being late for picking up
or dropping off
my kiddos
really and truly bothers me
and can throw my mood off
for a good chunk of the day.
So being on time for those
helps prevent
a possible crummy day.

Really,
all of the things I do
to deal with the ups and downs
of my particular flavor of disorder
are pretty basic.
However,
I’ve found
that on the worst days
it’s the basic things
that are the hardest to do,
and when I can’t manage them,
I feel worse about myself
on top of being depressed.
So instead of feeling as if I’ve failed
to even get the basic things done,
I take steps on the easier days
to make the harder days
easier.
It all evens out in the end,
and more importantly,
knowing that I am doing more
than just surviving with this disorder,
that I am
through awareness and planning
learning to live with this disorder,
makes the bit of extra work
worth it
at the end of the day –
on the good ones
and on the not so good ones.

Abby Shares

I have really enjoyed having Abby from Life @ The Poles visiting us this week.  I have learned so much from her.  I really appreciate all the extra work she has done to have something for us everyday.

Today, Abby shares with us one of her older posts.  One that she is particularly proud of.  She shared with me that she has several other posts she has done that she is proud of.  I encourage you to take a look at her site and see what she has to share there.

Technicolor Coat of Dreams

By ABBY | Published: JULY 23, 2010

“There is a fine line between genius and insanity.”

When you can barely tell the real
from the mirage,
when the mirage is your real,
anything is possible.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

If you spend long enough there
you can start to believe anything,
just to have something to believe in.
But if you are careful
if you just sit still
and watch
if you let it run through you
and observe
you’ll start to find
things that repeat.
You’ll find threads
that you can begin to weave together
to make something.
Even if it’s only
threads of insanity woven together,
it’s at least consistent insanity.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

It turns out
that those threads
are not always
just insanity.
Sometimes
they are just
bits of reality
that needle their way through.
Sometimes though,
if you watch carefully enough
they are what become
your truth,
the principles and rules
upon which you can begin to build
what will keep you together
within the maelstrom of madness.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

And in the middle of the chaos
you’ll find some semblance of peace
and you’ll learn
how to silence
the howling winds around you.
You’ll weave together
the truths you’ve so carefully held on to
slowly
so as not to break them.
And out of them
will come your own
technicolor coat of dreams,
woven of the truths you’ve found
when
nothing was real
and anything was possible,
and all around you
was swirling Chaos.
And out of that Chaos,
out of that Chaos,
that is from where you will come.
From the primordial forces
from which all things came
you will come
wearing your technicolor coat of dreams.
And you will see
what is Real
and you will wear
what is True.
Draped around your shoulders
and woven by your own hands
from the threads that run through insanity,
you will have found
the Truth,
the Truth in madness,
and survived
.

“It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” – Oscar Levant

Video Chat

I hosted my first Mental Health Video chat Wednesday night and it rocked. It was an awesome way to get to know a couple of my fellow mental health bloggers. There was no agenda. We mostly spent  the time to getting to know each other and spent some time talk about what our mental health issues are.

We are going to do it again.  In fact we are going to do it again Thursday, October 21, at 9:00 EST.

Even though it is a video chat, web cams are not required to participate.  There is a chat box that you can use to participate.  I really hope to see you there!

The Choice

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln

Really, Mr. Lincoln? Does that mean if I am not a happy camper right now, that it is my own fault? That I am responsible for losing my happy thoughts? You mean there is not a slow leak in my brain that is allowing my happiness to just slide right out onto the floor?

Well, now I guess that puts the matter of my own happiness, right in my own lap – or brain. I can choose to be content with what I have, with what is going on, and with what I have to deal with. Or not.

That seems easy enough. I will just choose to be happy. Starting now…..

Maybe it takes a few minutes to start working, cause I am not feeling it yet. If I cross my arms and stand on one leg….nope. Still not feeling it.

I think choosing to be happy is part of it, but I think making that choice – by itself – is not enough. Maybe I have to actually do something to reach a state of well-being and contentment. Something more than crossing my arms and standing on one leg. I think that if I am making the choice to be happy, then I must take some proactive steps toward reaching a state of happiness. That actually sounds like work. Possibly hard work.

What is so important about being happy that it would inspire me put some effort into obtaining it? There are so many people getting by without it. Getting by…not much effort involved. They do seem kind of sad, mad, weary, and leery. They do not have much to laugh about, or a bright spot in their day, but they are getting by. They do seem angry, and appear to have a hard time letting things go. Hostility and stress seems to ooze out of their pores. They are getting by though.

Are they really getting by? Or are they really just sitting there stewing in their stressed induced high blood pressure, and extra stomach acid. Possibly subtracting minutes, hours and days from their lives because of not being happy. Because of only just getting by. With nothing to brighten their day and lighten their load, I wonder if their days seem long and hard?

I want more in my life than just getting by. I do not want to stare at day after day with nothing to make me feel good. Just an endless stretch of…the same old thing. Not even a pleasant same old thing. Endless days spent recounting all the wrongs that have been done to me. Whining about how unfair MY life is. Stewing and brewing in my own juices of discontent.

Living a life of contentment seems so much more pleasant than just getting by. I guess putting some effort into being happy is worth it.

I could start with thinking about some positives in my life.  My family loves me. My little dog is fun to play with. My mind is healthier than it used to be. That took some effort, but it was not as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty easy, and each positive thing I thought of made me smile.  I felt happy. I bet if I put a little more effort into it, I could find all sorts of ways to be happy.

There is something to what Mr. Lincoln said.  If I make the choice to be happy and then follow it up with the appropriate action, I am happy.  I have a feeling of contentment.

I was not feeling particularly happy when I began writing this. You can see the evidence of this in the argument I had with Abraham Lincoln. It is very difficult to write about happiness when you are feeling extremely unhappy.  I could blame my unhappiness on my mental illness.  Or I could blame it on the withdrawal from my old anti-depressant, or my reaction to the new one.  I could even blame my unhappiness on the fact that I am a 40 year old woman with fluctuating hormones. The fact of the matter is that is exactly what I was doing.  I was NOT taking responsibility for my own unhappiness and happiness.

Granted all of those things were contributing to my mood. However, I did not have to give them as much power over my happiness as I did.  I gave them that much power by spending most of my time concentrating on them, and not using one of the very first tools I gained when I began my depression treatment. Focusing on the positives in my life.

I do not know about you, but for me, achieving a state of happiness is hard work.  It was so much easier for me to be in a state unhappiness than it was to put any effort into being happy.  However, I was satisfied with nothing, not myself, not my family, not even with my life.  I had entered into a pattern of whining, crankiness, and wallowing in my own misery.  The more I did that, the more unhappy I became.

I was seeing new challenges in my life as difficulties rather than as opportunities to grow.  I was so busy wallowing that I was missing how many people I have in my life that were encouraging me, checking on me and challenging me to rise above unhappiness. It has been a good lesson to me about my ability to choose happiness and contentment over unhappiness and discontentment.  I may have faltered a bit, but in the end I chose Happiness.

Shameless Plug

I have been doing maintenance on my blog today.  For some reason my RSS feed quit working a few days ago, and I decided to fix it today.  It is fixed now.  I am not sure what was wrong with it.  I just did what I always do when fixing something, I started with the simplest thing, my plug-ins.  I deactivated all of them and then re-activated them each one by one.  I believe that there was some sort of conflict going on with one of the plug-ins, because once I did that, my RSS feed started working again.

The other bit of maintenance I had to do was to fix my fan page like button.  I figured out it was not actually a fan page but an application.  Not only that, but I had the hardest time getting to its settings to modify it.  I decided that it would be best to do away with it and put something much more simple and easier to maintain.

All this means I have a favor to ask….If you have already clicked like in my side bar thing, would you please do so again. If you have never clicked that like button, now would be a great opportunity to do so.

Abby's Inspirations

I have really enjoyed having Abby here as the Mental Health Blogger Of The Week. She has done an awesome job!

For today’s submission, I had asked Abby to share with us what gives her inspiration.  The following is her answer to my question.

For such a straightforward question,
I’m having a rough time
finding a straightforward answer.
Probably because
I’m not sure
I have sources
of or for inspiration
in the sense of books or people
so much as
actions and movement
that inspire me
to keep going,
to keep living,
reminders of why
I keep going.
On that note,
these are things
that often inspire me,
and as odd as they might be
to some
they are my sources of inspiration.

The sound of my knitting needles
clicking softly together.
E.E. Cummings’ poetry.
The sun shining through clouds
in the late afternoon.
Music, be it
Beethoven or Britney –
it doesn’t really matter
if it feels right.
Yoga,
and how it brings me
into myself
and into the moment,
even and especially
when I’m leaving patterns
of sweat drops
on my mat.
Knowing
I have done my best,
in whatever I have set out to do
when the end of the day arrives.
High fantasy series
that take months to read,
dragons
and chaos magic.
Sometimes
it’s a phrase
or a word
and the meanings behind it
that unveils
reveals
uncovers
understanding and wisdom
I didn’t know I had within me,
that I did not know
I was capable of.

I wish I had
a list of websites or books,
movies or famous people,
but for me
true inspiration
is in the little things,
the small day to day things
that let me know
I’m still here
still putting
one foot in front of the other,
still refusing
to give in,
still refusing
to give up
even when
giving up
is all I believe I want.
In a way,
my not giving up
is an inspiration for me,
as narcissistic as that might sound.
Honestly though,
I think
that we all
could stand
to be
inspired
by ourselves;
that every one of us
could be
in our own right
inspiring,
if we’d give ourselves
the chance
to step out from behind
and out from under
the need to be perfect.
If we’d stopped looking
at what was wrong
and saw
truthfully
without judgment and comparison
how amazing we each are
how strong we truly are,
how we could,
if we let ourselves see ourselves,
be our own inspiration.

They Did NOT Give Up…

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~ Thomas A. Edison

To me, writing is like putting a piece of myself on paper.  No matter how serious or silly the topic or my writing is, it still represents a piece of me.  Writing has gotten me through many sad days, bad days, and overwhelming days. Writing has become a way for me to celebrate my successes and a way for me to try out new things.

I have been fortunate because most people who read what I write enjoy it.  Part of me knows that I should not place that much value on what people think about my writing, but I do.  Today, I got a glimpse of a less than favorable review of my writing.  It hurt.  It really made me question what I am doing, spending all the time that I do on my writing.

It has been a day of reflection, and building myself back up.  I LET someone’s words discourage me.  I almost ALLOWED another person’s opinion to cause me to throw in the towel.  One thing that came to mind while I was thinking about what happened is that there are plenty of famous people in history who were told they were not “good enough”.

Thomas Edison – His teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Walt Disney – He was fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riffraff.

Charles Schultz – He had every cartoon he submitted rejected by his high school yearbook staff. Oh, and Walt Disney wouldn’t hire him.

Fred Astaire – After his first screen test, the memo from the testing director of MGM, dated 1933, read, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” He kept that memo over the fire place in his Beverly Hills home. Astaire once observed that “when you’re experimenting, you have to try so many things before you choose what you want, that you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion.” And here is the reward for perseverance: “The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it’s considered to be your style.”

Sidney Poitier – After his first audition, he was told by the casting director, “Why don’t you stop wasting people’s time and go out and become a dishwasher or something?” It was at that moment, recalls Poitier, that he decided to devote his life to acting.

Louisa May Alcott – Author of Little Women, was encouraged to find work as a servant by her family.

Jack London – received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story.

Dr. Seuss – 27 publishers rejected his first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.

I know that there will be more not so flattering reviews of my writing in the future.  If I am going to continue to make my work public – which I intend to – then I need to get used to it.  That does not mean that it will not hurt, it just means I need to learn how to roll with the punches.  Instead of seeing what is said as a negative, maybe I should see it as a challenge.

Mental Health Blogger Of The Week

Please welcome Abby, of Life @ The Poles to her second day as the Mental Health Blogger of the Week.  Today she is going to share her favorite mental health resources with us.

Online resoruces:

Surprisingly, Twitter and Google are where I turn first when I’m looking for information about anything mental health. There is something to be said for having the minds and lives of millions of people just a few clicks away, and the friends I’ve made through Twitter have seen me through some tough times. The Twitter tags, #depression, #mentalhealth, and #bipolar, are a few good places to start looking if you are newer to Twitter, or new to the mental health community there. (And there is one!) As if that the support of like minded people wasn’t enough,  through the blogs of the friends and acquaintances I’ve made through twitter, I’ve come to find out how many others there are out there living courageously with mental disorders. I don’t feel nearly as alone, and sometimes that is what makes the difference between getting through a day emotionally intact and breaking down.

McMan’s Depression and Bipolar Web (http://www.mcmanweb.com/) is a fantastic individual site for articles on behavior, treatment, and often overlooked, recovery from mental health disorders. I spent HOURS reading it the first time I found it – there is THAT much information there.

When it comes to medications, I simple adore Crazy Meds. (http://www.crazymeds.us/) It’s not often you get a thorough explanation of a wide variety of mental health medications – complete with pros, cons, side effects and, most importantly to me, a sense of humor. When you’ve spent days bogged down in technical descriptions of the medications you may or may not be taking or might be soon or are considering, a concise, humorous, CLEAR explanation in words most adults can understand.

Offline:

My Psychiatrist/Therapist. I’m lucky that my therapist IS my psychiatrist,  however, if you happen to have two professionals you work with, they are BOTH invaluable resources for you when dealing with your disorder. Even with as much information available over the internet as there is, it’s not a replacement for being able to sit down and talk with someone who knows how the human mind and emotions work, and more importantly, knows YOU. It takes time to establish that relationship, to get to know them and for them to get to know you, but once you DO establish it, it’s an invaluable resource for dealing with whatever disorder you are dealing with. Let them help you, ask questions, LOTS of questions! It’s what they are there for!

Writing. I write daily whenever possible, even if it’s just a few lines about how I slept poorly, ate junk and then was in a grumpy mood that evening. (Or visa versa!) Over time, having this record of how you felt and what you did and what you were thinking and what was going on around you will make an enormous difference. You’ll be able to go back and read about the last time you felt a certain way and compare it to this time, and see if there are similar triggers, events, foods, medications, sleeping habits, and so on. Without that over-time information, it’s easier to miss the patterns! The record of those patterns will be one of the tools you use to manage your disorder actively; it gives you the power to deal with it actively. And that power will make a difference in how you look at your disorder – you won’t feel nearly as helpless in dealing with a disorder that can often feel completely out of your control.

Family/Friends. Whether it’s a phone call, an instant message, an email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs – those friends who are supportive and understanding,  that support network  – they are the net that catches you when it feels like you are free falling and out of hope. They’ll grab your arm and drag you back up, or sit there on the ground with you until you can get back on your feet. I know it can be hard to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to others, to admit that we are struggling and need help – but friends, people who love you, do want to be there for you when you need them most, just like you’d want them to reach out to you if they were suffering and needed help. This was a hard lesson for me, and one I still struggle with – but it’s one worth learning. (Also, they can provide a mirror and a second memory to help you pinpoint your triggers or stumbling blocks – just remember to take what they say with a grain of salt, and use YOUR good judgment when it comes to what someone else says about you, your moods, your triggers, your particular flavor of disorder.)

I’m sure I have a dozen other places I turn to, depending on what I’m looking for – but these are my first lines of defense, the places and people I turn to when I don’t think I can take another step on my own. As time goes by, we all develop our own set of resources, but these seven are my favorite overall when it comes to information and help getting back on my feet.