Monthly Archives: January 2010

Picture of the Day – January 11th, 2010

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The last few years of having a mom who was “checked out” due to severe depression has been hard on my daughter, Anna.  In an effort to try and rebuild that relationship and because she really enjoys taking pictures, she was given a page in my blog to show off her pictures.  All the pictures you will see in this section, will have been taken by my daughter.  I personally think she does an awesome job.

Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

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Anna’s shoe.  
Anna has this strange fascination with her Converse. 

Laughter Is Good Medicine

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I am a rather serious person.  Maybe it is because for most of my life I have been a rather cynical person.  It is hard to find humor when you feel so much negativity all the time.  Certainly, when my depression was at its worst, I found absolutely nothing amusing about life.


There is that cliche saying “Laughter is the best medicine”.  I had always discounted it, but now I see the truth in it.  Now that I have a more positive attitude, I am starting to see the humor in things all around me.  I laugh more.  Not just a polite little chuckle, but a full blown laugh.  The laughter itself feels good.  It lightens my load and boosts my positive attitude even more.  

If I can find something to laugh about then the bad days are not quite so bad anymore.  I have discovered that the more I laugh and find amusement in things, the more pleasant my family life is.  My husband and daughter laugh more as well.  There is less bickering and squabbles.  



I doubt I will ever have an award winning sense of humor.  It just does not come as naturally to me as it does other people.  For example, my brother can take the most mudane everyday happening and turn it into a whole stand up routine.  Or my daughter, who is quick to point out her humorous take on things, or tell a funny joke.  Shoot even my almost five year old niece has a better sense of humor than I do.  I think some where along the way my “funny bone” got “broken”.

How does one go about fixing a “broken funny bone”?  I have absolutely no idea!  However, I am going to put some effort into finding out.  


Yesterday, I found a funny blog to hang  out in.  WTIT: The Blog by Bud Weiser  he describes his blog as a “comedy blog”.  All I know is when I read it yesterday, I spent a good half an hour laughing.  I plan on going back there every day.  Maybe some of his humor will rub off on me.  If you decide to visit it, I must warn you that there is some explicit language used.  Explicit language and all, it certainly is worth visiting. 

   








Daily Journal – January 10th, 2010

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The creative juices sure have been flowing for the last twenty-four hours.  I have had a blast working on the blog.  I started participating in several memes.  They have been so much fun to play with.

I am sure ya’ll are wondering what a meme is.  This is the information I found on The Daily MeMe that explains it.


The word meme is pronounced so that it rhymes with the word dream. 


In the context of web logs / ‘blogs / blogging and other kinds of personal web sites it’s some kind of list of questions that you saw somewhere else and you decided to answer the questions. Then someone else sees them and does them and so on and so on. These are usually questions and not some multiple choice quizzes that determine some result at the end (what color you are most like, what cartoon character are you, what 80s movie are you).

For me, they are a fun and interesting way of giving me a jumping off point for blog topics, a way to get my blog listed around the internet, and a way to meet new people.  


Oops!  You know you are busted when you get a text from your mother at three in the morning telling you to go to bed. 

My husband and I had our fourteenth wedding anniversary on January 6th.  The thing is we both forgot about it.  I happened to remember about it this evening.  We both got a chuckle out of it.

Picture of the Day – January 10th, 2010

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The last few years of having a mom who was “checked out” due to severe depression has been hard on my daughter, Anna.  In an effort to try and rebuild that relationship and because she really enjoys taking pictures, she was given a page in my blog to show off her pictures.  All the pictures you will see in this section, will have been taken by my daughter.  I personally think she does an awesome job.

Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

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Anna’s cat in the snow

Chicken Butt

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Sunday Stealing :  The Current Obsessions Meme

Book:  The Stand
I have read Stephen King books since I was a teenager.  I have a collection of most of the books he has written.  I love what he writes about and I love how he writes.

Snack:  It really depends.  
I can go months only wanting the same snack, then it will change to something else.  However, I seem to like popcorn the most often.

Restaurant:  A little family run Chinese restaurant near us.  They have a food bar we enjoy eating from.  They used to have pot stickers on the food bar, but not many people ate them.  So when we go there to eat now, they always make us our own order of pot stickers without us even having to ask for them.

Beverage: Coke!  The problem is that I am a diabetic so I cannot drink coke like I used to.  I have to settle for Coke Zero.  Sometimes I will drink a regular Coke as a treat.

Decor:  anything that has to do with birds.  I like birds.  Any kind of bird.

Actor:  Johnny Depp He has a nice butt!

Actress:  Molly Ringwald  Because she brings back memories of the 80’s

Movie:  Fried Green Tomatoes  I like the main characters alter ego, Twanda.  Righter of Wrongs.  Sometimes when my depression is winning the day, I pretend I am Twanda to get through the day.  Also I like the scene where the main character gets mad when the teenage girls steal her parking spot and she slams her car into their little bug car over and over and says “Face it Girls.  I am older and have more insurance”

TV show:  Hoarders  It is just amazing how bad these people’s houses can get.  I am not a hoarder but I really hate people touching my stuff, just like the people on Hoarders do.

Hobby:  Blogging  I have become addicted to blogging

Band:  ummm I am not really into bands and the like.

Song:  Cuppy Cake Song by Strawberry Shortcake  That song makes me smile every time I hear it.


Meme:  I just discovered the joy of memes, so I have not picked a favorite yet

Blog:  WTIT: The Blog   Because it made me laugh really hard out loud.


Lover:  My husband  He has been my best friend and lover for fourteen years now.  Ummm…as I was typing this I realized that both my husband and I forgot our anniversary.  Oops!!



Friend:  Lorna  We have so much in common.



Quote:  Courtesy of my daughter who says this ALL the time.  “Mom, guess what?” “What?” “Chicken butt!”


Peeve:  someone else’s feet touching me, because I am afraid of the gross feet germs.


Sport:  Thumb Wrestling  anyone with thumbs can do it.


Singer:  Madonna  Some of my best memories of the 80’s have Madonna singing in them

Confessions Of A Slacker

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I am a slacker.  I freely admit that.  I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  

I think my slacking ways started when I was a kid and got significantly worse when the depression started.  I was a slacker in school, have been known to be a slacker at work, and am most definitely am a slacker now.

As a kid I was always one of those kids that was very smart, but “never worked to my potential”.  I am sure I was a source of extreme frustration to my teachers and parents. If it was not something I was truly interested in, following the path of least resistance (just plain not doing anything in most cases) was what I would choose to do.

I read books at recess instead of playing with the other kids.  Keeping my clothes picked up was too much of a bother, it was so much easier to just throw them in the bottom of my closet, or under my bed.  Once I reached a point in school where home work was assigned, it just seemed easier to me to not bother with it.  My parents gave me very few chores when I was growing up, and very often I resisted greatly when it came time to do them.  I was well on my way to being a professional slacker early on in my life.

In high school I would read what I wanted to in class, rarely participated in class discussions, and very often slept my way through the class.  In literature class, we would usually be given our text books on the first day of school.  When I would get home from school that day, I would read every story in the literature book, and then for the rest of the year pay absolutely no attention to the class.  I liked the stories, it was too much work to dissect them.  


Choosing the path of least resistance always seemed like a good idea at the time, but most of the time it did not work out to my benefit.  Often I would just agree with what someone wanted to do, because it seemed easier to do that than actually speak up with an opinion I might have to defend.  Or I would be silent and let the choices be made for me.  


My slacker way of taking the path of least resistance, led to two failed marriages, an inability to hold on to a job for a long period of time, and in me not really having my own voice.  Not having my own voice meant that I was very often frustrated with the people in my life.  For the most part the fault was with me not them, after all, I was the one who was choosing not to speak up for myself.  


When I developed severe depression I lost much of my motivation to do anything.  As a life long slacker already, to lose what motivation that I did have turned me into a fixture on the couch or in my bed.  There was very little I managed to accomplish on a daily basis, and my family had to pick up the slack.  The path of least resistance often became me going to bed and putting the covers over my head.  I totally did not have to deal with anything that way.  That was ultimate slacking.  


Now that I have been in treatment for my depression for a few months now, I am getting some of my motivation back.  I also realized that it was not healthy for me to go through life without my own voice and letting people make decisions for me.  


The problem is, I have found it really hard to put aside the life long habit of slacking.  In many ways taking the path of least resistance still appeals to me, even though it is very unhealthy (mentally and physically) for me.  I have found that at this time in my life that I want my own voice, and I need my own voice.  It really has become time for me to own up to being a slacker and then become very serious about unslacking myself.  


I am not really sure how to go about this.  I think what I should do is sort of adopt the approach I have been using to have a more positive mental attitude.  Every day I will pick one thing to do around the house that I normally would avoid because it was too much trouble to do.  Right now one thing is best, I tend to get overwhelmed and do nothing when I put too many things in front of me to accomplish.  I will continue doing this every day, until the habit of being productive replaces the habit of being a slacker.  I figure by then, I will be in such of habit of getting off my butt and doing something that I won’t even consider it a chore anymore.  


The other thing I need to do to unslack myself is to find my own voice.  I need to get in the habit of being able to voice my opinion with other people so I am not just carried along, like a seed in the wind, doing what everyone else wants to do.  I need to learn how to speak up for myself and set boundaries with the people in my life.  I think practicing this will be a benefit.  Taking each situation and person as they come along and dealing with them in a one on one basis, clearly but not rudely establishing new ground rules for how I would like to people to interact with me. 

So, yeah I am a slacker. I do not wear the slacker badge proudly, but I do wear it.  I really want to be able to put the slacker badge aside, and be able to wear the self motivated badge with pride.  

Daily Journal – January 9th, 2010

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I had people over for supper last night.  I am sure you are thinking that this is no big deal.  If you are, you would be wrong.  I have not had anyone over to my house, since Fourth of July two years ago.  I had reached a point where my house was my safety place and it made me very anxious to have people, other than my husband and daughter, in it.  It was a simple start last night.  Our company was our neighbors, who I am very familiar with.  But it was a start.  We had home made spaghetti and a key lime pie.  Yummy!  Since I was able to accomplish this task without too much stress on me, I think I will have to try it again soon.

The snow is still on the ground, unfortunately though, it has mostly turned to ice.  That means the roads are still bad.  I have been staying inside, where it is warm.  All bundled up under my snuggie.  

Life feels very good today.

Picture of the Day – January 9th, 2010

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The last few years of having a mom who was “checked out” due to severe depression has been hard on my daughter, Anna.  In an effort to try and rebuild that relationship and because she really enjoys taking pictures, she was given a page in my blog to show off her pictures.  All the pictures you will see in this section, will have been taken by my daughter.  I personally think she does an awesome job.


Anna enjoys see any feedback anyone has about her pictures, so if you like what you see here, why not leave her a comment and let her know.

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Snowy Night

Saturday Nine – Call Me

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1. Who is someone that phones you routinely that you never seem to be up to talk to, but you are not ready to push them out of your life?

I hate the phone, so I rarely talk on it.  If I do get a phone call and I do not want to talk to that person I generally let it ring and ring until the person stops calling.  Some people who I always take phone calls from are my Husband, my Mother, my father, and my Grandmother.

2. What is something that effects you deeply, to your core, no matter your mood or what else is going on in your life?
 
This is hard to answer.  I have been dealing with severe depression for the last few years, so for the most part anything bad that happened, no matter where it takes place, affects me deeply.  I am getting better so things do not affect me as much as they used to, but I still stay away from the news and other things that show unpleasantness.

3. Tell us of something that relaxes you and always makes you happy.

Taking a long, hot bath, with lavender bath salts in the water.  It just makes me feel good.

4. If you could take the train from anywhere to anywhere, where would ‘anywhere’ be?

I would love to take a train from where I live now, and have the train just travel all over the United States, stopping at all the places I find interesting.

5. If you could look into the future, how far down the road would you like to see? 10 years? 100 years? A million?

I would not like to look into the future at all.  I have a hard enough time dealing with the present, I do not need the future thrown into the mix as well.

6. Did you do your shopping online for this Christmas, how did it go? Did things come in on time? Any significant failures? …and if you didn’t, will you consider trying online shopping sometime this year?

I have done Christmas shopping online in the past, but not for this past Christmas.  I am sure I will doing online shopping sometime this year.

7. What people or projects are worth your time, money or effort?
 
My family, and also volunteering that the Diabetes Clinic in our county.

8. Think back when you were in high school. Are you proud of the way you dressed, or do you wish you could go back and change it all?

Well, often I would go out the door with one outfit on and arrive at school with a completely different outfit on.  There are times, when I am very ashamed at how I dressed in high school.  However, I would not want to go back and change anything.  Those experiences, the good, bad and ugly, are part of what makes me, me

9. Do any of your friends, family or co-workers know about your blogs? For those that do, did you tell them or have they stumbled upon it by themselves?

I have let all my family and friends know that I have a blog.  Some read it and some do not.  Since what I write about most often is sensitive and about some past experiences that have helped shaped me, I am not offended if they choose not to read what I have written.  

My Perfect Friend

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If there were such a thing as the perfect friend, I wonder what the perfect friend for me would be like.  What characteristics would this friend have to have for me to consider them “perfect”?

My perfect friend would have to be a good listener.  Never interrupting me when I am talking.  No matter how much I talk, or what I am talking about. The perfect friend must remain silent, no matter how silly my opinions are.  


My perfect friend would not be judgmental.  In fact they would really have no opinion of their own.  Their opinions about things would be the opinions that I had.  In essence my perfect friend would be a blank slate.  


Loyalty.  My perfect friend would be loyal no matter how poorly I treated them.  If I went from talking to them several times a day, to not speaking to them for weeks, my perfect friend would always be there.  


They would have to be attractive.  Always looking the best that they can.  Making sure they were dressed accordingly based on the seasons and the holidays. 

It has become clear to me that my perfect friend is my blog.  It is always there when I want or need to talk.  It never interrupts my ramblings.  It really is a clean slate, until I put what I want on it.  There have been times when I have ignored blogging for weeks at a time, but it was always ready and available when I decided to start blogging again.  I try and keep it decorated, but not over decorated, based on the seasons or holidays at the time.  It certainly does not make any judgments about what I blog about, for example it will not tell me how silly this particular blog topic is.