Random Thoughts – October 15, 2009

It is another rainy day here.  This time though there is a definite chill in the air. We are moving into fall.  These are the days when I just want to snuggle up in a blanket and read, or sleep.  Instead of a regular blanket, today I a using my snuggie.  Snuggies are these wonderful blankets with arms.  That way you can stay all nice in warm in a blanket and still use your hands to read, type, or anything else and your arms still stay covered.  Relaxing in a blanket cannot get better than a snuggie in my opinion.

In the past, when my depression was out of control, a rainy day like this would make me even more depressed.  I did not enjoy it, I could not see any beauty to it, mostly it just seemed as if the world outside was matching my world inside.  Dark, cloudy, and Sad.

It is nice too look outside and see the beauty in the rain.

The medical reform stuff still has been on my mind.  It seems that at least an overview of it has been approved. Included in that though is a cut in medicare, that is the current health plan for elderly people, and no cost of living increase for people on social security.  While I am too young to be affected by either one of those, it does worry me for my grandmother.  It is already very hard for her to make ends meet.

Health Care Reform

I usually try to avoid any type of political discussion because people have a tendency to get a little heated during them.  However, since this is my blog and the health care reform issues have been on my mind, I thought I would discuss it.

I wish I could say I felt one way or the other about it.  Either for or against it.  The truth is at this point I am confused about it.  There is so much propaganda out there from both sides of the issue that for me it has become muddy.  I do not like some of the behavior I have seen exhibited from both sides.  Sometimes I think there should be a public debate about it, because at least that way, what each side is saying will be monitored and each side can present their facts without the emotions being involved.

On the one hand I am very nervous about a government controlled  health care system.  The government does not always have the best track record when it comes to running things.  The example in my case, is from when I had medicaid for a short period of time.  I went to have  prescription filled for my insulin syringes and I was told that the pharmacy could not fill the prescription because I had to get some sort of authorization from medicaid first.  The pharmacy told me it took at least two weeks to get that authorization.  I was forced to buy my syringes out of my own pocket because I could not go two weeks without using my insulin.  The same thing happened with one of the anti-depressants my psychologist wanted me to try.  The doctor said the whole pre-authorization was a pain in the butt, so what he did is gave me a prescription for something else.  If a doctor feels a patient needs a certain medication or something like syringes I do not understand why medicaid, a government controlled health care system, would insist on taking two weeks to get this pre-authorization.  I actually did not have the money to pay for them out of pocket because Farrol was still out of work then.  I had to borrow the money.  What if I had not been able to do that?  Because a government controlled health care system needed this pre-authorization on something I needed I would have had to wait two weeks.  Two weeks without insulin would have made me feel pretty bad.  If the new government run health care is going to be anything like the systems we already have in place, I am going to feel pretty concerned about the type of health care I would receive.

After listening to some of the stories my friends in Canada have shared with me, I am hugely concerned about possible wait times to see specialists or have procedures done.  My friends have had to wait for months to have certain tests done, like an EEG or to see a specialist about their arthritis.  In the mean time their conditions grew considerable worse or more painful as they were waiting.  There are some illnesses that people cannot wait months to receive treatment for.

I worry that the government will use this health care plan as way to insert itself more into our lives and take away more of our freedoms.  Also, that the government will use its involvement in our lives as an opportunity to pick and choose who will be medically treated and with what treatment or medication they will be treated with.

On the other hand, if we go to a government run health care system, I would know that no matter what my family would have medical insurance.  It was horrible when Farrol lost his job and we lost our insurance.  We had no idea how we were going to get my medications or how we were gong to pay for me to go to a doctor.

The other thing about a government run health care system is that it might be cheaper for us than what we are paying now.  What we have now is so expensive, that depending on the paycheck amount in any given week, that sometimes we can barely afford to have it taken out of Farrol’s paycheck.  We do have co-pays so we are not having to pay full price for medications and doctors, but when you add what we pay each week to the insurance company and what we pay in co-pays, it adds up to a lot of money.  Sometimes the co-pays are not even all that beneficial.  For example, when we did not have insurance I signed up for Walgreen’s W card.  It cost me $20 for a whole year and gives me a discount on prescriptions or any Walgreen’s brand over the counter medication.  The other day I had to go to Walgreens and get my Effexor and vistiral filled.  The Effexor had  a $30 copay.  When the pharmacist was running things through the computer, she figured out it would be cheaper for me to use the W card to get the vistiral than using my insurance.  My question is this, if we are paying so much for our medical insurance every week, why was it cheaper to buy that medication without using my insurance.  That convinces me that the medical insurance companies are probably over charging us and because we are limited on where we can go to get medical insurance there is not enough competition between the insurance companies for them to feel the need to decrease their rates or our co-pays

My taxes are already going to pay for medicare and medicaid.  I am okay with my taxes being used to take care of me and my family if we go to a government controlled health care system.  Admittedly there is a great deal of fraud that exists in those systems, but I am sure that with a little effort the government could get it under control.  When it was time for medicaid to drop me because Farrol had gotten a job, someone asked me why I just did not tell the Department of Family and Children’s services that Farrol and I had separated so that I could continue to receive medicaid.  From what I understand, that is common practice.  People get on it in a time of need and continue to receive it when that time of need is over because they cannot afford medical insurance from where they work.  While I understand why they do it, I do not condone fraud.  I bet though if the government chose to they could figure out who was participating in that kind of fraud and put an end to it.

In the end, I really do not have a choice in this matter as our governing officials in Washington are going to decide this issue for us.  I will have to figure out a way to adapt to whatever changes they do decide to make.  Unfortunately, I do see this issue dividing this nation and no matter which way this goes, I do believe there are going to be some big changes in the U.S.A

Treasure – October 14, 2009

Because I have such a hard time keeping a positive attitude, I wanted to set a section of my blog aside where everyday I can point out something that is positive about a person, a thing, or situation.  This exercise is forcing me to be more of a glass is half full kind of person, and helping me maintain a positive attitude.

I treasure the smell of banana nut bread.  It fills up the whole house with a comforting smell.  To me it is a relaxing smell.  I cannot feel stressed or worried when I have some banana nut bread in the oven and I smell its wonderful aroma.  Maybe banana nut bread and its aroma are the cure for depression and anxiety?

Random Thoughts – October 14, 2009

I have been baking!  Oh how I love baking!  I used to bake all the time.  Chocolate pound cake, pies, sweet breads, shortbread, anything I could think of I would bake.  It has been such a long time since I felt like baking.  Baking takes effort, and before I started getting treated for the depression, effort for anything, much less baking, was something I did not have.  Just the thought of reading the recipe, mixing the ingredients, putting the mixed ingredients in the proper pan and then the clean up of it all seemed like too much work to me. 

I think I would have to say that this week has been better than previous weeks.  I have had a better attitude, more energy, and been less worried than even just a week ago.  I am enjoying the fact that I continue to improve.  These good days, these easy days, give me something to draw from when I have bad days.

I had not heard from my son in months.  In the past, when I would think about it, I would start crying and cry for most of the day.  I miss him being around.  Over the weekend, to myself, I acknowledged that I still missed him but it was easier to deal with now, and the fact that he had not called did not bother me anymore.  I even told myself that if he ever did call, I would enjoy it while I was talking to him, and not give a thought about all the times I  had not.  I believe I had finally come to peace with him being gone and not talking to me.  Out of the blue Monday, my son called me.  This gave me an opportunity to put into effect the new attitude I wanted to have when I talked to him.  It worked!  It was such a pleasant conversation.  I got to hear a lot about him, and how he was doing and I think because I had a much more positive attitude on the phone, he did as well.  When we hung up he said he would all again soon.  If he does, that would be wonderful, if he does not then I am OK with that.  I am just going to treasure the good stuff and dump the rest.

Cough, Cough, Wheeze Wheeze

Today is a bad breathing day for me. Last night I started to develop that recognizable wheeze I get when my asthma is acting up and my airways are starting to constrict.  I also have that special asthma cough.  It is caused by my airways starting to constrict and irritating my lungs.  At some point today, I will probably use my nebulizer to open my airways up a bit, allowing myself to breath better.  

I have adult onset asthma.  It is basically just like asthma that some children develop, I just did not develop it until I was thirty-seven. This morning I recognized the fact that a bad breathing day could also cause a bad mental health day.  It is depressing and frustrating to feel like you are breathing through water.  It is also very tiring.  I feel like I am running really hard in a race and cannot catch my breath.   Sometimes I even sweat like someone who is working out because of struggling to get a decent amount of air in.

In an effort to not let myself spiral down into any type of depression, I tried thinking of a few positive , well if not positive at least not negative, things about my asthma.  Believe it or not I actually found a few.  Admittedly, one or two are stretching it a bit, but whatever works is fine with me. 

I honestly think most of us take the act of breathing for granted.  It is an automatic action, that takes place without any conscious thought.  I know I took it for granted before I was diagnosed with Adult Onset Asthma.  Once I developed asthma and felt like I was breathing through water most of the time, I quit taking breathing for granted.

I have been able to create a new dance.  It is called “Cough, Cough, Wheeze, Wheeze, Cross Your Leggs And Try Not To Pee!”  Right now I am the only one knows the dance moves, but there is always the possibility that it could catch on.  The creation of this dance was inspired by the fact that after giving birth to two large babies, I have a tendency to pee on myself when I cough.  This dance is very effective in keeping that from happening.  It is also very easy to learn, if you look at the title you can see all there is to it.  Of course when I perform it out in public I get a lot of strange looks.  I have tried teaching it to my husband and daughter as sort of a line dance but they keep telling me “No!”

I have learned that my special asthma cough can clear a room.  I can be in a crowed doctor’s office lobby, or some other crowded small area and someone could be wearing a strong smelling perfume, or hairspray or even cologne.  My lungs do not appreciate any of those very much and react by constricting my airways.  That will cause me to have a  horrible coughing fit as well as doing a modified for a chair version of the “Cough, Cough, Wheeze, Wheeze, Cross Your Legs And Try Not To Pee” dance.  In these day and times with the swine flu, the bird flu, the regular flu and tuberculous people get worried very quickly when they are confined someplace with someone who is coughing their head off.   Very quickly, the people who are stuck with me will leave the room, thinking I have some contagious disease.  Most of the room clears out and I get to stay in a much less crowded place.  Because of my anxiety disorder, an almost empty room suits me just fine.

There is even a benefit to the whistle I have when my wheezing is bad.  Sometimes the whistle is so loud that it can be heard from across the house,which makes it easier for people to find me.  I admit this one was definitely stretching things. 

The biggest benefit I have gained from my asthma is that it has given me a better understanding for what people with worse breathing problems than I have are going through.  On a recent visit to my pulmonologist, I stopped by the restroom before I checked in at the doctor’s office.  While I was in there I discovered an elderly lady who was stuck in the restroom stall because her breathing was so bad she could not get up and walk out of the stall.  I was able to help her get into a less embarrassing position and waited with her until some assistance came.  Because of my own breathing problems I was able to empathize with her situation without making her more uncomfortable and embarrassed than she already was.  

Treasure

Because I have such a hard time keeping a positive attitude, I wanted to set a section of my blog aside where everyday I can point out something that is positive about a person, a thing, or situation.  This exercise is forcing me to be more of a glass is half full kind of person, and helping me maintain a positive attitude

We have sunshine today.  It has been raining so much here lately that seeing the sun out so brightly, this time of day is unusual.  I believe it is supposed to start raining again towards the end of the week.  The funny thing is, October is supposed to be the driest Month in Georgia.  So far it has not been that way.  I guess that means our drought has ended.  

Even though my breathing is not where it is supposed to be today, I am not in a bad mood, nor do I feel as bad as I have been known to feeling when my breathing is not right.

I am still very happy my son called me yesterday.

Random Thoughts – October 13, 2009

Ragweed pollen makes me not feel good.  It blooms this time of year, and is everywhere.  It has pretty yellow flowers on it.  But it makes my nose run and my eyes itch.

I am still not get enough sleep, writing is very difficult because I keep dozing off.  I keep having to get up and walk around so my brain does not get all foggy. So far the extra dose of the vistiral is not working.  Maybe it will in a few more days.

Did any of all year about the six year old who has been sentenced to forty-six days in reform school for bringing a boy scout muti-tool to school?  It apparently had a spoon and fork in it and it was new. The little kid wanted to eat his school lunch with it.  All of the reports say he is a very good little boy and even sometimes likes to wear a suit jacket and a tie to school.  I personally think it is nuts that this little kid is being treated so harshly, due to a no tolerance rule.  I think it should be taken on a case by case basis, rather than a blanket rule that sends a little six year old boy to a reform school.