Sardines

My husband got home from work early today and decided to treat us to supper at our favorite little Chinese Restaurant. We had to go in his little pickup.  We all did manage to fit in his truck, poor Anna was squished in between us.  The Chinese Restaurant we like to go to is probably not the best or even the second best in our are, but it is a buffet and it is cheap, and the family that runs it is very sweet.  It being a buffet is very important because my husband is a very hungry man when he gets home from work, and he has to work hard to maintain his burliness.  When we were heading home after our outing, it seemed like there was less room in the truck.  We felt more like sardines than people.  I happened to mention that we were all a bit bigger than we were before we ate.  The response I got was “Not that much bigger, now scoot over I only have one cheek on the seat.”  At that point, while he had only one cheek on the seat and we were all squeezed together, and he was driving down the road, my husband decides that it would be a good time to start singing and doing is boy band moves.  I am not sure how it happened but by the time we got home, I had a door handle poking me in the rear end and Anna kept talking about how awful it would be if one of us passed gas while we were all in that tiny truck.

Golden Ticket

I felt like I was in the movie “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” (the original one) tonight.  My daughter is a huge Justin Bieber fan.  She has been waiting, impatiently, for when she could get his new cd.  Tonight while we were out she was able to purchase it.  What I did not realize is that there are Golden Tickets hidden in some of the Justin Bieber cds.  If you happen to find a Golden Ticket, you might just have one that you can instantly win a prize with.  If you do not win an instant prize with your Golden Ticket  your ticket number is placed in the mix for a future drawing.  Just like Charlie, in “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, Anna dearly wanted one of those Golden Tickets.  Just the other night she had told her father that she really wished she could have one.  So when she opened the CD packaging and saw the Golden Ticket she was stunned into silence.  As soon as we got home, she entered her Golden Ticket number to see if she was one of the instant winning lucky few.  Unfortunately she was not.  The cute thing was, this did not diminish her joy at finding one of the Golden Tickets.  I happened to mention she ought to frame it and she thought that was a totally terrific idea.

Time To Spread The Stinky

It is spring, the weather is warming up, and I live in the country.  I know what you are thinking, you are jealous that I live where I live this time of year, when the flowers are starting bloom or bud, and the birds are chirping and it is just so pretty outside.  There is one little detail that I left out.  It is also the time of year when the farmers, spread chicken manure all over their fields.  Fortunately our neighbors have not done that yet.  When we were out and about this evening, we had decided that the weather was so nice that we would roll down the truck windows as were were driving.  This proved to be a very poor decision.  Several of the farms we passed had already spread the stinky manure on their fields.  Which meant that when we passed the farms, the smell of stinky chicken poo would invade our truck.  Rolling up the window did not help, by that time the smell was already trapped inside the truck, so we just left the windows open, holding our noses until we out ran the stink.

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings, Neighbors.

In the past I have struggled with having faith. It was very difficult for me to just “close my eyes and leap”. I wanted proof that something was what it was proclaimed to be. That is probably why I have spent a great deal of my life trying to find what worked for me and my spiritual life. I never could commit to anything. I felt they all lacked the proof I needed to have faith in them.

On another blog, I read a post by Ameila’s Mummy who has a similar religious background as mine. Right now she and her husband are going through some sort of difficulty and while she is on the verge of panic attacks, her husband is dealing with whatever is going on just fine. The difference is that he is going to church and praying every day and has left the burden of what they are going through in God’s hands, and she just does not have the same faith in a God she cannot see, feel or touch.

She is not alone in how she feels. I have felt that way before, as well as many other people. Taking a leap of faith into the unknown is a very hard thing to do. I suppose that is why it is called faith. The very definition of faith is believing in something that cannot be seen.

I personally believe that kind of proof that people like me want so that we can have faith in God is impossible to obtain. Part of being a Christian is believing that Jesus is our Savior. He took our sins upon himself, and SAVED us. So at some point we just have to trust that God is going to be there to catch as we take a leap of faith.

I know that sounds like an easy answer for a difficult problem. The truth is though, it is just that easy, if you will do it. Try it! You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Harriet of Harriet and Friends is up to her old tricks again. She is hosting another comment challenge for us to participate in.

This time she is allowing each participant to set their own goal for how many comments they would like to leave during the month of April. For example I am going with 1000, someone else could go with a goal of 200.

For more information about how the contest works and the rules please visit Harriet at Harriet and Friends

I really hope to see you there.

I have been very serious lately. My funny bone must be on vacation. That is OK, serious is good too. I still have a positive attitude and I am not feeling depressed. Just serious. I think it is because I have been having serious thoughts. I have been thinking a lot about my son. Not in the depressed, I am falling apart sad way like it used to be. Just missing him. Wondering how he ended up with such a chip on his shoulder and the part I played in that happening. Not in a beating myself up kind of way. I have been thinking long and hard about something. I have been thinking of telling mine and his story. How much he meant to me before he was born, the things that we experienced together when we were just a little family of two, what it was like when we became a family of three then four, and how much he means to me now. This has been weighing on me for several weeks now. It would be a long story, so I would have to do it in installments. I wish I could say it would be a fairy tale story, but I made some big mistakes when he was growing up. So it will be a tough story to write and most likely a tough story for people to read. However, I think since it is something I have been thinking about for so many weeks, that it is a story I am meant to tell.

I was supposed to see my counselor this afternoon, but that did not happen. Her office called this morning and said she was sick and could not see me today. In the whole almost year I have been seeing her this is the first time she could not see me due to illness. I was disappointed but I understood. I already have my appointment rescheduled for next week.

I guess that is enough rambling for now, Neighbors.

http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm53/Chyra_1/Signature/58B23D7559E78E2051C9AC2338A6DB58.png

sorry, I did not mean to publish this post yet.  It was a slight misfire.

Anna had not given me a picture for a while to post as her picture of the day. Since it is something I want her to enjoy doing I have not asked her for one. However, she took one this morning that she is extremely proud of.

Anna did my hair for me, and I was still in my pajamas. She thought it was a beautiful picture. I am just amazed that I actually agreed to post it.

Disclaimer: This post is not about who is right or who is wrong when it comes to their religious beliefs. This is solely about my religious views, my journey to finding what worked for me and what it means to me.

I grew up with out much religious education. I do not consider this a good or bad thing, it is just how it was when I was growing up. As opportunities came up for me to go to various churches I would go. It did give me the benefit of seeing what different Christian Denominations were like. I have gotten to experience Catholic Churches, Methodist, Baptist and even Church of God. Nothing really ever seemed to be a good fit for me.

It seems to me that since I was a little kid, I have always been looking for a higher power that would fill a void that I always seemed to have inside of me. Searching for whatever this thing was that I needed I even went so far as to join a Pagan Group. It was a hardcore group compared to most Pagan groups and for a bit it seemed to fill that void. Then I realized a few things about the leaders. For whatever reason they enjoyed meddling in the group members lives, to the point where it became detrimental.

So I still floated around for a bit, trying to find that thing, that void filling religious thing I needed. Eventually, I did find it. We joined an Intra-denominational Church. The whole family became very involved in it, and I developed a very close relationship with God. I felt whole and complete. At some point for a variety of reason we left that church and joined a church that had more activities for the children. The kids loved it.

It was about the time we changed churches that I was hospitalized for the first time due to my asthma. It became difficult to go to church because so many people wore such huge amounts of perfume and cologne that it seemed every time I went to church I had an asthma attack. It was also about this time that my depression and anxiety disorder began to take over my life. I was also diagnosed with diabetes a few months after joining this Church. Unfortunately during this time, my son and I started having difficulties in our relationship.

I felt like I was getting slammed with so many things at one time and I was having a hard time coping due to the depression and anxiety disorder. I began to slip deeper and deeper into my depression, and anxiety, and I just could no longer force myself to get up and go to Church. I missed going but I just could not go.

I began to lose my relationship with God. He did not draw away from me, I drew away from him and I became far away from God. I disliked myself so very much and I felt I was not worthy of God’s Love, nor of his Forgiveness. I think that thought, believing I was not worthy of the Love God has for me, and the Forgiveness he has for me, made my misery during that time worse. It added to my feelings of being unloved and isolated.

Now that my mind is feeling better and my depression and anxiety are easing off, I see that I am worthy of God’s Love. I want that relationship back that I had with Him before. I just am not ready to go back to Church yet. Between the smells and crowded spaces, I think I would be so anxious all the time that I would not get anything out of it.

What I am going to do, is see if I can find some Christians online that I feel good about fellowshipping with. I always found being around others with similar mind sets when it comes to Christianity helped me be closer to God. I believe it is due to the encouragement that we all give one another.

With that decision, to look for people online to fellowship with, there has come a certain amount of peace. I am looking forward to drawing closer to God once again.

Have a Blessed Day, Neighbors.

April Fool’s Day is next week, and I believe it happens to be one of Anna’s favorite Holidays. I think it is because it is day devoted to being mean to her mother, which happens to be me. For obvious reasons I have not been up to it for the last few years. This year is different. I am ready to get even with Anna for several years’ worth of April Fool’s pranks. I have thrown the gauntlet down.

The problem is I have only come up with one prank so far. I am going to take all the left shoes of her shoe pairs. She leaves them laying all over the place so it should be easy to do.

What I need is some ideas for other pranks to play on her. The only rules to the pranks are they cannot cause her pain, or hurt her feelings. If ya’ll would leave some ideas for some good natured pranks to play on my daughter in the comments I would appreciate it.

Help me be sneaky, Neighbors!