Category Archives: Mental Illness

Voices Within

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I know I have spoken about the role our internal dialogue plays in our thinking.  However, I realized the importance of revisiting this topic after I read something written by Kimmie Smith at Relax-Relate-Let Go.

Depending on which voice we are listening to, these voices can influence our thinking in positive or negative ways. What are your voices saying to you? Are they encouraging and uplifting, or do they insult you and attempt to take away your feelings of self worth?

One of the first things my counselor had me do when I first started seeing her, was to find at least three positive things about any situation or thought that I had.  Slowly, I began replacing my negative thinking with thoughts that were positive.  The next step was to start replacing my negative internal dialogue with one that was uplifting and positive.

Just stating it like that makes it seem like the process was super easy. The truth is, this has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  The voices I have listened to for most of my life were negative, mean and spiteful.  Learning how to block them out and listen to the ones that wanted to uplift me and tell me that I was a worthy person was a challenge of a lifetime.

Once I was able to change my focus from negative to positive, I found that my depression had less and less control in my life.  That not nice voice. that wanted me to keep listening to it is now silent most of the time, and the voice that speaks of nothing but love to me, comes in loud and clear.

Again, what do your voices say to you?  Are you listening to the ones that are intent on making you feel bad or are you only paying attention to the ones that lift you up?

There is an exercise that many people use when they are trying to change what the voices within them say.  Kimmie Smith explains it on her site.  Basically, you write down all the thoughts you have for a 24 hour period.  When the time is up, you look at what you have written and decide whether your thoughts are mostly negative or positive. I think this is a great tool in helping someone learn how to listen to the positive voice, however, it was one that never would work for me.  The act of writing stuff down, just feels like too much effort to me.  Instead, what I did was to pay much more attention to my thoughts and the words that came out of my mouth.  Each time I had one that was negative, not nice, or mean, I would make a concerted effort to replace it with something that was positive and uplifting.

Take the time to figure out what your voices within say to you, and which ones you listen to the most.  It very well could be the most productive step you take in maintaining good mental health.

Life's Little Victories

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I believe that most of us tend to focus on the big victories in our lives rather than spend much if any time focusing on our little victories. I think this habit begins when we are children, from our families’ tendency to celebrate the big things that happened in our lives, like scoring the game winning goal, or acing the big test. So in a way we are programed to focus on our big victories rather than take stock of the little victories in our lives.

I believe when we only focus on our big victories, we are doing ourselves a disservice. Those little victories are the foundation for our big victories. They also sustain our hope and positive thinking in between the big victories or when we are going through a rough time. If you look carefully, you can find little victories through out your day. Did you control the urge to spend money unwisely? Or keep cool during a tense situation? Be proud of yourself when you notice a small victory and make a mental not of it. Consider taking the time to write down your small victories when you notice them. Be detailed, writing down everything that made you feel triumphant.

When we choose to only acknowledge our big victories, it is easy for us to become frustrated. Instead of only basing our victories on the big things that we achieve in life, like getting a big promotion, being a winner, or acing the big test, we should be open to acknowledging the little victories that happen every day.  When we can do this, it makes it easier for us to not be caught up with negative feelings.

My challenge for myself is to keep my eyes focused on my next little victory and make a list of my little victories.  Want to join me?

My Little Victories

  • Making it to my counseling session even though physically I did not feel the best yesterday.
  • Taking more pride in my appearance than I have in a long time because of depression.
  • Making a homemade banana pudding for my daughter.
  • Getting a blog post written today, even though I was not totally in the mood to do so.
  • Reaching a better understanding of how my depression has affected my husband.
  • Maintaining a positive mental attitude even when I physically felt bad.
  • Acknowledging that I was cranky, and needed to let others know so that they knew what I was dealing with.

Dear Depression

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Dear Depression,

You did not win today, I did!  Today, my Mental Health Ninja Skills were much better than yours.

For every attack you made, trying to put dark thoughts in my head, I countered with my positive thoughts.  You almost were able to slip in through the Gate of Unnecessary Worries, but I was able to stop you in your tracks by  using logical thinking and problem solving skills.  You and I both knew the fight was over when I was able to defuse your bombs that were meant to destroy my self esteem and self worth.

Depression, I really do not like to fight with you. You are a part of me and there are times when you serve a purpose.  However, you must understand, that you are no longer in charge.  I am.  The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner we both can move forward.

Wishing you a positive day,

Melissa

Thankful Five

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It is that time of the week when I list five things I am thankful for. It is my favorite part of the week .  My weekly thankful posts were inspired by Chere Michelle.

I am thankful for the last two weekends, I have spent some very pleasant time with my family.

I am thankful for my parents.

I am thankful for the smell of clean laundry

I am thankful for air conditioning

I am thankful for chocolate

What are you thankful for?

The Mortality Of A Parent

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Mom and Dad

When I was a young child, I loved my parents because they seemed like superheros to me. They knew what I was going to do before I did it, made the monsters go away, and comforted me. When I was a teenager, I hated them because they were human, with all the faults that humans have. As a forty year old adult, I love them because they are human, and full of human emotions.

The draw back to finally seeing them as people and not just as my parents, is that I am more aware of their mortality.  Especially with my Dad.  Dad has always seemed some what invincible.  When I was growing up, I have no memory of him being sick or injured because it happened so rarely.  Even after I became an adult, he still had that invincible quality.

Mom is different.  I can remember that as I was growing up she was sick off and on.  The worst was when she was hospitalized several times for asthma, when I was around fifteen or sixteen.  About fourteen years ago, she was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma, and since that time has experienced other health related issues.  So in some ways, I kind of always felt that the time I had with her was almost like it had been borrowed.

A couple of weekends ago, my dad was telling me about his retirement plans and how he had applied for social security, while he was talking I realized that my dad is aging, and not very gracefully. I am sure the health problems he has had over the last few years have contributed a good deal to his aging.  However, it really surprised me when I realized that he is getting old fast.  Really fast.  It has affected him more than just physically, I believe it has affected him mentally as well.  He has become a cranky old man.

I see him becoming less engaged with his family.  An example is that until a few years ago, he still referred to me as his princess and told me I always would be.  Now he never says that anymore. Another example is that he used to really do a lot with the grandchildren he had at the time, now not so much.  Sometimes I wonder, if it were not for mom, keeping him up to date on stuff, if he would even know or ask what is going on with any of us.  I do not think this is intentional on his part, I believe it goes back to how he has felt over the last few years.  I am sure it is hard to focus on anyone but himself, at times, when he has felt so rotten for a while now.

I see his retirement looming before him.  A retirement filled with nothing but time.  My dad has no hobbies, does no volunteer work, only does a few things around the house, and as a result there is nothing for him when he retires.  I take that back, he has his recliner, his westerns and his ball games.  I cannot imagine that those things would satisfy him through out his retirement years.  I wonder if he also sees this time looming before him.

I am no expert on depression, I only have my own experiences to guide me, however, I believe my dad is going through some sort of depressive episode.  I think that this man who has always been proud of the fact that he was healthier than most people is feeling betrayed by his own body.  I also think that seeing a retirement filled with nothing but time is some what scary for a man like my dad.  The signs that I see that make me think that he may be in a depressed state of mind are the disengagement from the family, his crankiness, a controlling attitude, and to some extent the amount of sleeping (some of his extra sleeping is due to sleep apnea, but not all of it) he does when he is not working.  All of these are things I have experienced in my own struggle with depression.

It is an odd and sad feeling to view my father in this light, as a man struggling with his own thoughts and emotions.  My hope for him is that he finds some measure of peace before he retires, so that it is not the empty thing that is looming before him now.

Chocolate Review – Ferrero Rocher

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Ferrero Rocher

It was a Wednesday afternoon in the Twitter World, when @SusieKline announced her need for some chocolate.  Not having had my favorite chocolate in months, I decided that, if Susie was willing, we should get our favorite chocolates and review them.  Basically, I just needed an excuse to buy and consume chocolate.

I made plans to purchase the chocolate yesterday afternoon, when my family and I went to the grocery store.  My husband, being the smart man that he is, knew immediately that I was using my blog and the review to get the chocolate.  He suggested I review a watermelon instead.

When we made it to the chocolate aisle, I quite frankly lost my common sense.  I picked out my chocolates, Ferrero Rocher and then went and drooled by my second favorite chocolates, are Toblerone.  It happened to be with the European chocolates and I felt a strong urge to touch and smell them all.  I resisted.  Barely.

It was at this point that my daughter told me that she needed to get some candy too.  She said she needed to write a review for her blog.  She really does not have a blog, she just wanted to see if my reasoning would work for her.  Because my brain had stopped working due to the glorious chocolate smells, my parenting skills were not up to par and I immediately agreed with her.  She too needed something sweet to review.

I carried my precious cargo home and it sat in the pantry until today, when I had to consume two Ferrero Rocher, so that I could conduct a proper review

To look at the original chocolate Ferrero Rocher, you would not think it was very spectacular.  It just looks like a round chocolate ball with some kind of nut sprinkled on the outside of it.  However, one should never judge a piece of chocolate by its cover.

When you take off the golden wrapper that surrounds the chocolate, the first thing you feel are the hazelnuts sprinkled on the outside of it.  You can also detect a firmness about this chocolatey goodness.  It leads you to believe that this could be a solid ball of chocolate, but there is much more than meets the eye.

When you bite into a Ferrero Rocher, you teeth quickly break through the chocolate shell and encounter a chocolate wafer that adds a distinct texture to the bite.  The texture from the wafer, mixed with the chocolate shell and the sprinkled hazelnuts is total joy in your mouth.  It is hard to believe that anything could make this experience any better, but there is.

One you successfully break through the wafer, your mouth is filled with a creamy goodness.  It is chocolate mixed with hazelnut, similar to Nutella, only better.  After you quickly absorb the creamy, chocolatey goodness, you encounter yet another shift in texture when your discover the hazelnut that is in the center of the Ferrero Rocher ball.

The taste with the various textures in one Ferrero Rocher ball are so unique that they stand out when compared to other chocolates.

My favorite way to eat a Ferrero Rocher is to carefully go through each layer, one at a time, so I can enjoy the texture changes.  A large glass of cold milk only makes your experience with this chocolate better.

Ferrero Rocher

Please post your link in the linky at Susie’s site Motherhoot .  We would love to see other chocolate reviews and comment on them.

For the record, the third and fourth Ferrero Rocher were nothing more than pallets cleansers.

Help With Psychiatric Medications – Part II

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Applying for free or discounted medications does not have to be a confusing process.  If you have any questions or concerns, do not hesitate to ask your doctor or the medication discount programs.

Each pharmaceutical company sets its own requirements for their medication (drug) assistance program.  In general however, you are likely to qualify if you meet the following requirements.

  • You are not covered by an insurance plan that pays for your prescriptions
  • You do not qualify for any government (state or federal) program that will pay for your prescriptions
  • Paying for your prescriptions will cause you financial hardship
  • You complete the application process and provide the company with all the information they require

How To Apply

Get copies of the application forms. You can print them off from the internet or call the program and have them mail you the application form.

Follow instructions carefully. Read the form and answer all the questions on it.  If you do not then your application will be refused.

Ask your doctor for help. Take each one of your applications to your doctor.  He/She needs to fill out the medical portion of your application.  It is also beneficial to have a letter from your doctor on his/her own stationary that explains why you need the help.

Mail forms to the assistance programs. Either have your doctor’s office mail the forms or do it yourself.  If you choose to mail them yourself, make sure you include the prescriptions.  If you are approved, your medications should be mail to you, via your doctor’s office, within a few weeks.  You will need to go to your doctor’s office to pick up your medicine.

Partnership for Prescription Assistance

Web site: www.pparx.org
Toll-free number: 1-888-4PPA-NOW (1-888-477-2669)

The Partnership for Prescription Assistance (PPA) program is a group of drug companies, health care providers, patient advocacy organizations, and community groups. They help people who don’t have prescription coverage find assistance programs that are right for them. There are more than 475 public and private patient assistance programs, including more than 180 programs offered by drug companies. They also have information on some free drug discount cards funded by private companies, which can help reduce your costs for certain brand or generic drugs.

To find programs that may be right for you, call the toll-free number or fill out the confidential online form. You will be asked about:

  • the drugs you take
  • your age
  • where you live
  • your annual income
  • number of people living in your household
  • insurance and prescription drug coverage, if you have it

If you fill out the online form, your answers are quickly compared to the requirements for the different programs, and you will be able to see a list of programs that might be able to help you. From there, you can download each program’s application form and find out how to apply.

Both phone and online services are available in Spanish or English.

Your doctor or nurse can also use the Web site to find programs for you. They may be able to complete the required application forms for you and send them by e-mail or fax.

Together Rx Access Card

Web site: www.together-rxaccess.com
Toll-free number: 1-800-444-4106

The Together Rx Access Card was created to help people who do not have prescription drug coverage. You can use the card to save on certain brand-name prescription drugs, some generic drugs, and other prescription products. The Together Rx Access Card is not part of Medicare or Medicare Part D. It is not medical insurance, but a special discount card that costs you nothing.

To get a card, all of the following must be true for you:

  • you are not eligible for Medicare
  • you have no prescription drug coverage (public or private)
  • your household income is equal to or less than $45,000 for a single person, $60,000 for a family of 2, $75,000 for a family of 3, $90,000 for a family of 4, and $105,000 for a family of 5 (income limits may be higher in Alaska and Hawaii)
  • you are a legal United States resident

The Web site and telephone assistance are in English and Spanish.

Every time you visit your doctor, be sure to ask for any samples he/she might have, and also check and see if they have any coupons for the medications you are on.

Most of the information that I put in this post and also in Part I are things I have personally utilized to help with obtaining discounted or free medications.  I cannot guarantee they will work for everyone, but in my opinion it is worth trying.  These tips and ideas are only useful in the US.

I will be happy to answer any question you might have about the information I have put into either Part I and Part II,

Help With Psychiatric Medications – Part I

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Let’s face it, if we choose to go the medication route, in the treatment of our mental health issue, it can get very expensive. Many mental health patients do not have insurance, and even if they do, many insurance companies do not pay for the medications we need. Before my medication mix was figured out, I bounced around from one type of medication to another, I remember that one would have cost me over a thousand dollars a month if it had worked out.

Part of me wants to be mad at the pharmaceutical companies. How can they expect people to realistically afford their medications? What about people, me for example, who need to take several prescription medications daily? I realize the companies who make these medications have to make a profit, and there is time and research money involved in creating them, but still….I know people who go without their medications, including the medications they need for their mental health problem. I have gone without medications, when I could not afford them.

Then there is the other part of me that wants to praise the pharmaceutical companies. Several of them have given me free medications for over a year now. I have gotten free allergy meds, free insulin (two different types), free restless leg syndrome meds, free blood pressure meds, and two different medications for my depression.

Most people do not know about these programs that help you with your medication needs. I know that I did not. They are not advertised any where. I found out about them when I started going to a free clinic for my medical needs. I was fortunate and they handled all of the paperwork that needed to be sent to the pharmaceutical companies. However, it is possible to fill out that information yourself, or even have your doctor’s office do it for you.

When filling out these applications, be prepared to give them financial information, sometimes they base their approval on your income tax return.  Or they need you to have a relative or friend sign a form stating that you currently have no income.When applying, your doctor will need to write a prescription for a year’s worth of the medication.  Once everything has been approved the pharmaceutical company will automatically send the medication, usually enough for three months.  Most of the time they also send out refills automatically.  Be prepared to have to pick up your medications from your doctor’s office.  Most companies will prefer to send your meds to your doctor’s office, rather than straight to you.

Many pharmacies are now offering generic medications for $4 for a 30 day supply or $10 for a 90 day supply.  In my area, Kroger and Walmart are the ones that have the most extensive list of these discounted medications.  You and your doctor may have to get creative when writing your prescriptions for medications that might be on those lists.  For example, recently my primary doctor put me on a new high blood pressure medication.  The dosage I needed did not come in a generic form, so he wrote me two prescriptions with different dosages, when they are combined I get the amount he wants me to take.

There are discounts cards for prescriptions.  There are a couple ways you can obtain these prescription discount cards.  There are discount cards available from programs that are not affiliated with any pharmacy, and several that are affiliated with the pharmacies.  I have a drug discount card through Walgreens.  I pay $20 a year for it, and it has saved me a considerable amount of money.

Most extended released (XR) medications do not come in a generic form.  If you have no problem taking medications, you can ask your doctor to write your prescription for the regular form of your medicine, which often comes in a generic form.  However, you need to be aware that you will have to take the medicine two or three times a day, instead of just once, like you would with an XR form.

In another post, I will have a list of places you can go to find online applications for free and/or discounted medications, a well as links for some prescription discount card programs.

Bats In Her Belfry

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No, the bats are not in my belfry brain.  They are in my mother’s belfry attic.  What started out as a funny story from my mother has turned into a huge ordeal.

Last week, late at night, my mother who does not sleep well saw something flying around inside her house.  She realized it was a flying rat bat, and then screamed.  This woke my dad up, who was sleeping in his recliner.  My mother continued her freak out and jumped on the couch covering herself with a blanket and dad was left to deal with the bat.  Eventually, the stress of the whole situation got to my mother and she went and hid in her bathroom.  The visual in my mind and my mother telling me about her hiding made me laugh.  When she was on the phone with me, she cracked me up with her idea of duct taping her attic door shut, in an effort to keep the bats away.  It was funny, and my mother agreed that after the incident was over that in retrospect it was funny.

Then things got not so funny.  My mother came home after being out for a while and discovered a bat sitting on her kitchen counter.

Bats serve a valuable purpose, eating bugs and etc. that might be harmful to people, but bats do not belong in a house.  They carry several diseases than can be fatal to humans.  Bats carry rabies.  They also carry histoplasmosis.  Histoplasmosis is found in fresh bat droppings, it is a fungus, and is transmitted to humans by airborne spores.  Unlike bird droppings, bat droppings do not have to have contact with soil for the fungus to be found.

After finding the second bat, things were not funny anymore.  Since my mother and father rent their place in Augusta, they called the rental management company and had them send an exterminator to the house.  Meanwhile, the rental management company kept trying to reach the landlord, who is not returning any phone calls.

The exterminator came to the house, identified where the bats are in the attic.  However, he left without doing anything.  It seems that in Georgia, this is the time of the year that bats have babies, and it is against the law to move them or do anything to them now.  What the exterminator did tell my mother was that if the landlord will agree that the bats need to be moved, the exterminator can go to the proper people and get a waiver.

Meanwhile, the management company still cannot get a hold of the landlord.

A couple of days ago, the management company said that since they could not get a hold of the landlord, and  having the bats in the house is an extreme health hazard, they were advising my parents to move out of the house.  So now my parents, both of whose health is not the best have to move to another house fairly quickly.  All of this has taken place in one week’s time frame.

It kind of makes you wonder if the two asthma attacks my mother had, especially since her asthma has not bothered her in years, were caused by the bats being in the house.

Online Support System

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As a person with a mental health issue, it is important for me to have a support system. I have an excellent support system in my real life. My mother is the anchor of that support system. She is the person I call when I have good news, and the person I call when I feel like life is going down the crapper. As much as I love her and appreciate all that she does for me, sometimes I need more.

I need support from people who have been where I have been, are where I am now, and are where I want to be in the future. I need people who can understand what I am trying to say without me having to explain it. Unfortunately, for several reasons I am not in a position where group support systems will work for me. That is why I have sought people on the internet to provide me with the support I need.

I realize that seeking out total strangers to create a support system with is risky. However, I think I have managed to create one. They have been kind, gentle and tough and full of laughter and encouragement when I have needed it. At least one or two of them are always available on twitter when I need someone to talk to. They have been a positive influence on me, although some may be struggling with their mental health issue, it is obvious that they are doing everything they can to turn things around.

If you are interested in meeting any of these lovely people, they can be found on twitter:

@bipolarette @somebodyhealme @SusieKline @germaninalabama @NAMIMass @unxpctdblessing @countersuicide @dlwdillon @Princess_L_88  @800273TALK  @zebraspolkadots  @VoiceinRecovery @JustaGuyinNY @woundedgenius @moritherapy @SusieKline