Category Archives: Mental Illness

Emily's Mental Health Resources

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This is Emily’s second day with us as the Mental Health Blogger of the Week.  If you have not check out her wonderful site Surviving Limbo, you really should.

I really got a lot out of what Emily shared with us on Monday.  The reasons for our diagnosises  may be different, however, it appears she and I share similar manifestations of symptoms. Not only that, but I discovered we live in the same state.  It is comforting for me to get to know someone that I already have so much in common with.

Today, Emily shares her favorite mental health resources with us.  Please take the time to check out at least a few of the sites she has listed.  There are some real gems.

1.  Untypically Jia –  I think you know her.  She has OCD.  She’s so wonderfully quirky.  She will make you smile no matter how bad you feel.
2. No Points For Style –  Mother of a child with mental illness.  She gives a different perspective about how mental illness affects the entire family.  She also uses humor a great deal.
3.  A Daring Adventure – Free life coaching.  I love the cartoonish pictures and his very “daring” or brutally honest look at different topics.
4.  Depressions and Confessions – alexis had PPD as well as at least one major depressive episode.  her writing style is unique.  she reminds me of e e cummings
5.  Dr. Deb – A professional psychologist whose posts often surprise me such as her latest about Therapy Service Dogs.  I didn’t know such existed.
6.  Violence Unsilenced – Survivor stories.  Very emotional.  Very disturbing.  But it’s the truth.
7. Psychology Today – This site has a variety of blogs, all of which I have found useful.  They’ve got it covered.
8.  PsychCentral – Like Psychology Today, they have multiple resources.
9.  NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) – Mental health advocates, and another source of information.
10. Sugar Filled Emotions – I’m not always as vocal as I should be, but Melissa is a fellow Georgian with similar illnesses to mine.  She works very hard at educating people through her blog and a Twitter newspaper.

Thankful Five

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It is that time again!  It is the time for me to list the things I am thankful for! I look forward to this time because it reminds of all the little things in my life that I am thankful for.

1.  I am thankful for being able to spend a whole day outside Saturday.

2. I am thankful for a mom who listens to me vent my frustrations, and then jokes about it.

3. I am thankful for my dad.  He is there for me no matter how old I get.

4. I am thankful for my support system.

5.  I am thankful for the things I got accomplished today.

What are YOU thankful for?

Mental Health Blogger Of The Week

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I would like to welcome Emily of Surviving Limbo as the Mental Health Blogger Of  The Week. I asked Emily a series of questions, so rather than me tell you about her, I am going to let Emily’s own words do that.  I know we are going to learn a great deal from Emily and her story.

1. What type of mental illness/es do you have?

I was a victim of child abuse.  As a result, I have anxiety disorders–PTSD, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), Panic Disorder.  I also have mild agoraphobia.  I say mild because I can go out under certain conditions such as when not many people are around.  I have major depression.  To compound matters, the past years of not getting out of the house, not having the energy or will to do anything have led to obesity.  It’s one of those vicious cycles.  My movement and energy levels are impaired even further.

2. When were you first diagnosed with your mental illness?

I was first diagnosed with mental illness during my first year of college.  I had withdrawn into near isolation in spite of living in a dormitory with a roommate.  I had confided suicidal thoughts to my best friend.  Then I had my first giant panic attack, the first one that I recognized anyway.  I had gone down into the deserted and dark basement where we held monthly meetings, an odd habit of mine.  I like hiding holes.  They make me feel safer.  Along with all the sensations that go with a panic attack (heart racing, chest pains, hyperventilation, etc.), I was also screaming and crying and throwing metal chairs around.  Several roommates heard the noise and several tried to calm me down while one went for the room mother, a young woman who was in charge of taking care of us.  They coaxed me into a car and took me to the hospital.  By that time, I had withdrawn into one of those creepy dissociative states.  I was also diagnosed with that at one time, but it is less a problem now.  It’s sort of like catatonia except you move around and follow directions, reacting minimally to your environment, and I spent the rest of the time staring numbly into space.  In the ER, a psychiatric nurse was called down, and after about 10 minutes of trying to get me to respond, they admitted me into the psych ward.

3. In what ways, if any, do you believe your life has changed since your diagnosis?

I was able to “hold it together” for some years.  I got through college, got married, became a teacher.  I took anti-depressants but did not see a therapist.  Episodes (I don’t know what else to call them?) occurred periodically, but mostly I was okay until about 4-5 years ago when I broke down completely.  There’s an account of this on my blog. I lost my job.  We had not been very good with our money, living paycheck to paycheck, so when we lost my income, we were reduced to near poverty.  We almost lost our home, and we eventually had to declare bankruptcy.  It took 3 years for my disability to be approved.  I have to fight to do “normal” things.  Getting out of bed is an achievement.  Cooking dinner and watching TV is an achievement.  Family outings, including going to relatives houses for Christmas and Easter and my daughter’s birthday parties and events, are not possible for me now.  My daughter and I usually have a private little celebration to the extent I am able, and her Daddy handles the rest.  My husband also has become disabled because of a movement disorder the doctors can’t pinpoint, further complicating our lives.  My social life is limited to online communication, even for friends who are right here in Rome, Georgia.

4. What are some positive things you have learned about yourself since your diagnosis?

As they say, there is always a silver lining.  Even though , our little family is closer than ever.  I think my experiences have made me empathetic, or extremely sensitive to other people’s pain.  I have a sincere desire to help.  In an effort to facilitate the healing process, I’ve clearly mapped out my values and priorities according to the principles of my belief system.  It’s made me appreciate the little things.  Maybe I can’t go to my daughter’s birthday, for example, but she and I can work together to make a birthday cake for us to eat here at home.  I treasure that time with her.  I’ve learned a great deal about mental illness, and blogging has put me in touch with others who struggle.  This has helped a great deal, knowing that I’m not alone, a freak of nature.

5. I realize that your daughter is still very young, and probably is not all that aware of your mental illness. However, as she gets older, what if anything do you plan to say to her about it?

My daughter understands my illness better than you think she would, considering her age. She helps take care of me, inverting the mother/daughter roles sometimes. She’s 8! She doesn’t understand completely (not sure I do either), but I’ve told her the basics about my mother and my abuse at her hands. She knows I’m sick. She knows the reason I am sick is because of my genetics (why some people have brown eyes and some people have blue), my childhood environment, and how that environment shaped the way I respond to things. She knows I can’t do things other mommies can do, but she tells me if she could pick her mommy, she would always choose me. That’s my wise little Padawan. When she gets older, her understanding will grow I am sure.

6.  If given the opportunity, what is something you would like to say to someone who has been recently diagnosed with the same type of mental illness that you have?

I would have a lot to say to someone diagnosed with the same illness.  Along with the love of writing, that is the primary purpose of my blog.  I began writing to teach people about mental illness and how it affects everything and to connect and share experiences with people like me.  There is most definitely a stigma, and I believe the only way to battle it is by open communication and education.  Even though it’s terrifying and there are repercussions, some of us are going to have to speak up.  The most important advice is to not give up.  Keep taking baby steps.

7.  When deciding who you would like to have as part of your support system, what things do you look for?

I miraculously have found a support system online.  They are similar in temperament, have common interests, exhibit tolerance toward others, and they are extremely kind and encouraging.

Me, Myself, And The Outdoors

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Guess what I did?  I spent ALL of Saturday outside! In the fresh air! Around people!

Before you say “So.” or “What’s the big deal?”, let me explain a few things.

I have not spent that much time outside in years. I USED to hike. I USED to camp. I USED to do yard work. I USED to enjoy spending time outside. That was BEFORE asthma, BEFORE diabetes, BEFORE depression. Being outside became a place that was undesirable, and uncomfortable. It became I place that I feared.

The pollen and wind – especially a chilly wind – can often cause a lock down of my lungs.  Trying to keep everything sanitary to monitor and manage my diabetes is a challenge in certain outdoor settings. When my depression was at its worst, being outside was impossible. For that matter, just getting out of bed was impossible at times. Then there was the sweating.  The massive amount of sweating that took place almost anytime I was outside – except in the coolest of conditions.  It left my hair dripping with moisture, and my clothes soaking wet.

Every year during the third weekend of October, the little town I live in has a festival.  It is called Talking Rock Heritage Days.  For the last several years my grandmother has participated in it as a vendor.  It is a big deal.  She sells all sorts of homemade jams, jellies and preserves.  She sells a southern delicacy called a fried pie.  Apple fried pies, peach fried pies, sweet potato fried pies. I cannot forget the cornbread cake and her spicy pecans.

I have not gone in several years.  It is outside and there are lots of people.  This year I decided to go.  I am very glad I went. It was a fun and enjoyable experience.

A couple of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was as a result of no longer taking the Effexor.  The withdrawal may have been really awful, but it is paying off now.  I did not experience the massive amount of sweating that I used to have.  The best reason that I felt so good physically was that my blood sugar was the best it has been in months. The Effexor was causing it to run in the 300 to over 400 range almost constantly, even with insulin injections.  Before lunch yesterday, my blood sugar was 156 and before supper it was 126.  Yes.  I know that is still high but compared to the readings I had been getting, those numbers rock. Feeling so good meant that I had the energy to walk around.

I walked around a crowed festival. Me, in a crowd, WITHOUT experiencing a panic attack! I saw people I had not seen in years. That was huge for me.  Talking to people in general is difficult for me in that type of setting, however, one of my fears has been running into people I used to know.  It went well.  In fact, I think it went really well. I got business cards from vendors.  I spoke to them about putting them up on my blog and they said they would use their sites to link back to me if I did that.  A vendor gave me an item that I am going to use in a blog give away I am planning.  I joked with a total stranger.

I was the me that I have been wanting to be for a long time.


Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter

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You heard it right here first! Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own official newsletter!

Starting on October 22, 2010 you can have Sugar Filled Emotions delivered to your inbox on a weekly basis.  It will not just be a recreation of Sugar Filled Emotions the blog. It is going to have interesting Mental Health stories from around the world, I will be highlighting Mental Health Heroes, some of my favorite inspiration quotes and so much more.

Just like Sugar Filled Emotions the blog has evolved since its inception, the content of the Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter will change and become more dynamic as I refine the process.

There is a link at the top of the blog that you can click on to have the newsletter sent to you, or you can use the form contained in this post to sign up for it.

I have great ideas in store for the Official Sugar Filled Emotions Newsletter and I look  forward to having you along for the ride!






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Abby Brings It Home

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What a wonderful week it has been, having Abby from Life @ The Poles here. It has been a real treat for me.  Not only did she take time away from her day to create a new post for us everyday this week, she did it while her In-Laws have been in town.  Abby rocks!

Let’s look at what she has for us today.

My bad days
can happen at a moment’s notice,
and be gone almost as quickly.
More often than not
I get a stretch of bad days
and it’s those times I have to prepare for.
I try and watch for signs
that a rough patch is on the way,
and having even a little bit of warning
helps.
(This is where the whole
writing daily thing comes in handy.
I know better now
what to look for
because of the writing
than I did before,
so it’s easier to catch them.)
One of the most basic things I do
is plan out
the major meals for the week
ahead of time,
and have all the supplies
in the house
at the start of the week.
I try and keep
a regular as possible
weekly schedule,

as far as when I go shopping and such,
so that if something unexpected happens
(and it often does)
at least I know
what we’re having for dinner.
Even if it’s just the kids and my husband
eating hot dogs
when I’m too depressed to cook or eat.
Which happens more often
than I like to think about.
Other things I do
to help make life smoother
on those rough days
are smaller,
but still important.
I try and keep my mp3 player charged
in case I just need to tune out the world
and unwind.
I try and keep
at least one thing in the house
I know I can grab to eat quickly
that I will eat
no matter what else I won’t eat.
(I go through phases
of not eating certain things
or only eating certain things,
or not eating until dizzy
and feeling ill.
It’s not good for me,
so I try and prepare ahead of time
for those little quirks of mine.)
Sometimes
that might be homemade guacamole (http://lifeatthepoles.com/2010/06/eat-it-with-a-spoon-guacamole/ )
and other times
it may very well be Slim Jims.
Other things are not so much
to make hard days easier
so much as make hard days
harder to have.
I keep my yoga mat
weights
and favorite workout DVD’s
in plain sight at all times,
so there is no forgetting
to get in my workout that day.
I feel better when I do,
at least most days,
and I know
that I’ll ‘forget’
if I don’t have a consistent reminder.
I keep a knitting project near by,
because it’s harder to kill people
if you have needles in your hands.
My medications
are in the same spot
every single day,
and where I will see them
every single day.
There isn’t much
that makes for a harder than usual day
than forgetting my meds that morning.
I also set alarms on the cell phone.
Which might not seem
like something that helps make for a better day
but when you have a tendency
to lose track of time
easily and often
having an alarm go off
shortly before you need to head out
to go pick up the kids from school
or when you need to wake up
(just in case
you turn off the other alarm in your sleep)
helps things go much more smoothly.
Besides that,
being late for picking up
or dropping off
my kiddos
really and truly bothers me
and can throw my mood off
for a good chunk of the day.
So being on time for those
helps prevent
a possible crummy day.

Really,
all of the things I do
to deal with the ups and downs
of my particular flavor of disorder
are pretty basic.
However,
I’ve found
that on the worst days
it’s the basic things
that are the hardest to do,
and when I can’t manage them,
I feel worse about myself
on top of being depressed.
So instead of feeling as if I’ve failed
to even get the basic things done,
I take steps on the easier days
to make the harder days
easier.
It all evens out in the end,
and more importantly,
knowing that I am doing more
than just surviving with this disorder,
that I am
through awareness and planning
learning to live with this disorder,
makes the bit of extra work
worth it
at the end of the day –
on the good ones
and on the not so good ones.

Abby Shares

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I have really enjoyed having Abby from Life @ The Poles visiting us this week.  I have learned so much from her.  I really appreciate all the extra work she has done to have something for us everyday.

Today, Abby shares with us one of her older posts.  One that she is particularly proud of.  She shared with me that she has several other posts she has done that she is proud of.  I encourage you to take a look at her site and see what she has to share there.

Technicolor Coat of Dreams

By ABBY | Published: JULY 23, 2010

“There is a fine line between genius and insanity.”

–

When you can barely tell the real
from the mirage,
when the mirage is your real,
anything is possible.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

If you spend long enough there
you can start to believe anything,
just to have something to believe in.
But if you are careful
if you just sit still
and watch
if you let it run through you
and observe
you’ll start to find
things that repeat.
You’ll find threads
that you can begin to weave together
to make something.
Even if it’s only
threads of insanity woven together,
it’s at least consistent insanity.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

It turns out
that those threads
are not always
just insanity.
Sometimes
they are just
bits of reality
that needle their way through.
Sometimes though,
if you watch carefully enough
they are what become
your truth,
the principles and rules
upon which you can begin to build
what will keep you together
within the maelstrom of madness.
Nothing is real,
and anything is possible.
(Chaos.)

And in the middle of the chaos
you’ll find some semblance of peace
and you’ll learn
how to silence
the howling winds around you.
You’ll weave together
the truths you’ve so carefully held on to
slowly
so as not to break them.
And out of them
will come your own
technicolor coat of dreams,
woven of the truths you’ve found
when
nothing was real
and anything was possible,
and all around you
was swirling Chaos.
And out of that Chaos,
out of that Chaos,
that is from where you will come.
From the primordial forces
from which all things came
you will come
wearing your technicolor coat of dreams.
And you will see
what is Real
and you will wear
what is True.
Draped around your shoulders
and woven by your own hands
from the threads that run through insanity,
you will have found
the Truth,
the Truth in madness,
and survived.

–

“It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” – Oscar Levant

Video Chat

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I hosted my first Mental Health Video chat Wednesday night and it rocked. It was an awesome way to get to know a couple of my fellow mental health bloggers. There was no agenda. We mostly spent  the time to getting to know each other and spent some time talk about what our mental health issues are.

We are going to do it again.  In fact we are going to do it again Thursday, October 21, at 9:00 EST.

Even though it is a video chat, web cams are not required to participate.  There is a chat box that you can use to participate.  I really hope to see you there!

The Choice

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Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln

Really, Mr. Lincoln? Does that mean if I am not a happy camper right now, that it is my own fault? That I am responsible for losing my happy thoughts? You mean there is not a slow leak in my brain that is allowing my happiness to just slide right out onto the floor?

Well, now I guess that puts the matter of my own happiness, right in my own lap – or brain. I can choose to be content with what I have, with what is going on, and with what I have to deal with. Or not.

That seems easy enough. I will just choose to be happy. Starting now…..

Maybe it takes a few minutes to start working, cause I am not feeling it yet. If I cross my arms and stand on one leg….nope. Still not feeling it.

I think choosing to be happy is part of it, but I think making that choice – by itself – is not enough. Maybe I have to actually do something to reach a state of well-being and contentment. Something more than crossing my arms and standing on one leg. I think that if I am making the choice to be happy, then I must take some proactive steps toward reaching a state of happiness. That actually sounds like work. Possibly hard work.

What is so important about being happy that it would inspire me put some effort into obtaining it? There are so many people getting by without it. Getting by…not much effort involved. They do seem kind of sad, mad, weary, and leery. They do not have much to laugh about, or a bright spot in their day, but they are getting by. They do seem angry, and appear to have a hard time letting things go. Hostility and stress seems to ooze out of their pores. They are getting by though.

Are they really getting by? Or are they really just sitting there stewing in their stressed induced high blood pressure, and extra stomach acid. Possibly subtracting minutes, hours and days from their lives because of not being happy. Because of only just getting by. With nothing to brighten their day and lighten their load, I wonder if their days seem long and hard?

I want more in my life than just getting by. I do not want to stare at day after day with nothing to make me feel good. Just an endless stretch of…the same old thing. Not even a pleasant same old thing. Endless days spent recounting all the wrongs that have been done to me. Whining about how unfair MY life is. Stewing and brewing in my own juices of discontent.

Living a life of contentment seems so much more pleasant than just getting by. I guess putting some effort into being happy is worth it.

I could start with thinking about some positives in my life.  My family loves me. My little dog is fun to play with. My mind is healthier than it used to be. That took some effort, but it was not as hard as I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty easy, and each positive thing I thought of made me smile.  I felt happy. I bet if I put a little more effort into it, I could find all sorts of ways to be happy.

There is something to what Mr. Lincoln said.  If I make the choice to be happy and then follow it up with the appropriate action, I am happy.  I have a feeling of contentment.

I was not feeling particularly happy when I began writing this. You can see the evidence of this in the argument I had with Abraham Lincoln. It is very difficult to write about happiness when you are feeling extremely unhappy.  I could blame my unhappiness on my mental illness.  Or I could blame it on the withdrawal from my old anti-depressant, or my reaction to the new one.  I could even blame my unhappiness on the fact that I am a 40 year old woman with fluctuating hormones. The fact of the matter is that is exactly what I was doing.  I was NOT taking responsibility for my own unhappiness and happiness.

Granted all of those things were contributing to my mood. However, I did not have to give them as much power over my happiness as I did.  I gave them that much power by spending most of my time concentrating on them, and not using one of the very first tools I gained when I began my depression treatment. Focusing on the positives in my life.

I do not know about you, but for me, achieving a state of happiness is hard work.  It was so much easier for me to be in a state unhappiness than it was to put any effort into being happy.  However, I was satisfied with nothing, not myself, not my family, not even with my life.  I had entered into a pattern of whining, crankiness, and wallowing in my own misery.  The more I did that, the more unhappy I became.

I was seeing new challenges in my life as difficulties rather than as opportunities to grow.  I was so busy wallowing that I was missing how many people I have in my life that were encouraging me, checking on me and challenging me to rise above unhappiness. It has been a good lesson to me about my ability to choose happiness and contentment over unhappiness and discontentment.  I may have faltered a bit, but in the end I chose Happiness.

Abby's Inspirations

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I have really enjoyed having Abby here as the Mental Health Blogger Of The Week. She has done an awesome job!

For today’s submission, I had asked Abby to share with us what gives her inspiration.  The following is her answer to my question.

For such a straightforward question,
I’m having a rough time
finding a straightforward answer.
Probably because
I’m not sure
I have sources
of or for inspiration
in the sense of books or people
so much as
actions and movement
that inspire me
to keep going,
to keep living,
reminders of why
I keep going.
On that note,
these are things
that often inspire me,
and as odd as they might be
to some
they are my sources of inspiration.

The sound of my knitting needles
clicking softly together.
E.E. Cummings’ poetry.
The sun shining through clouds
in the late afternoon.
Music, be it
Beethoven or Britney –
it doesn’t really matter
if it feels right.
Yoga,
and how it brings me
into myself
and into the moment,
even and especially
when I’m leaving patterns
of sweat drops
on my mat.
Knowing
I have done my best,
in whatever I have set out to do
when the end of the day arrives.
High fantasy series
that take months to read,
dragons
and chaos magic.
Sometimes
it’s a phrase
or a word
and the meanings behind it
that unveils
reveals
uncovers
understanding and wisdom
I didn’t know I had within me,
that I did not know
I was capable of.

I wish I had
a list of websites or books,
movies or famous people,
but for me
true inspiration
is in the little things,
the small day to day things
that let me know
I’m still here
still putting
one foot in front of the other,
still refusing
to give in,
still refusing
to give up
even when
giving up
is all I believe I want.
In a way,
my not giving up
is an inspiration for me,
as narcissistic as that might sound.
Honestly though,
I think
that we all
could stand
to be
inspired
by ourselves;
that every one of us
could be
in our own right
inspiring,
if we’d give ourselves
the chance
to step out from behind
and out from under
the need to be perfect.
If we’d stopped looking
at what was wrong
and saw
truthfully
without judgment and comparison
how amazing we each are
how strong we truly are,
how we could,
if we let ourselves see ourselves,
be our own inspiration.