Guess what I did?  I spent ALL of Saturday outside! In the fresh air! Around people!

Before you say “So.” or “What’s the big deal?”, let me explain a few things.

I have not spent that much time outside in years. I USED to hike. I USED to camp. I USED to do yard work. I USED to enjoy spending time outside. That was BEFORE asthma, BEFORE diabetes, BEFORE depression. Being outside became a place that was undesirable, and uncomfortable. It became I place that I feared.

The pollen and wind – especially a chilly wind – can often cause a lock down of my lungs.  Trying to keep everything sanitary to monitor and manage my diabetes is a challenge in certain outdoor settings. When my depression was at its worst, being outside was impossible. For that matter, just getting out of bed was impossible at times. Then there was the sweating.  The massive amount of sweating that took place almost anytime I was outside – except in the coolest of conditions.  It left my hair dripping with moisture, and my clothes soaking wet.

Every year during the third weekend of October, the little town I live in has a festival.  It is called Talking Rock Heritage Days.  For the last several years my grandmother has participated in it as a vendor.  It is a big deal.  She sells all sorts of homemade jams, jellies and preserves.  She sells a southern delicacy called a fried pie.  Apple fried pies, peach fried pies, sweet potato fried pies. I cannot forget the cornbread cake and her spicy pecans.

I have not gone in several years.  It is outside and there are lots of people.  This year I decided to go.  I am very glad I went. It was a fun and enjoyable experience.

A couple of the reasons I enjoyed it so much was as a result of no longer taking the Effexor.  The withdrawal may have been really awful, but it is paying off now.  I did not experience the massive amount of sweating that I used to have.  The best reason that I felt so good physically was that my blood sugar was the best it has been in months. The Effexor was causing it to run in the 300 to over 400 range almost constantly, even with insulin injections.  Before lunch yesterday, my blood sugar was 156 and before supper it was 126.  Yes.  I know that is still high but compared to the readings I had been getting, those numbers rock. Feeling so good meant that I had the energy to walk around.

I walked around a crowed festival. Me, in a crowd, WITHOUT experiencing a panic attack! I saw people I had not seen in years. That was huge for me.  Talking to people in general is difficult for me in that type of setting, however, one of my fears has been running into people I used to know.  It went well.  In fact, I think it went really well. I got business cards from vendors.  I spoke to them about putting them up on my blog and they said they would use their sites to link back to me if I did that.  A vendor gave me an item that I am going to use in a blog give away I am planning.  I joked with a total stranger.

I was the me that I have been wanting to be for a long time.