Monthly Archives: July 2011

Managing Depression – Challenge Your Thinking

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Learning how to manage my depression took more than just swallowing the right pill, and spilling my guts to a counselor. It required a great deal of hard work on my part. In the beginning, it was very difficult for me to even think about putting any effort into my own treatment process. Depression left me feeling totally exhausted and unmotivated. I was also very comfortable with my negative view of everything and everyone, including myself.

I remember feeling very irritated when my counselor challenged my negative thinking. By making me aware of how negative my perception of reality was, she was in essence making me take ownership for my own feelings. I did not want to own them! It was so much easier to have other people be responsible for how I felt.

Once I was aware of my role in how I felt, I realized that I was the one in charge of whether or not I became mentally healthier. The choice was mine and I hated that. I resisted making a choice for as long as I could. I realize now that not making a choice is really making a choice.

Eventually, I decided that I was tired of feeling the way I did, by that time the depression medications were helping even me out some. I knew that I would have to make some sort of effort to get better but I was still exhausted and still lacked motivation.  It took me a while but eventually I understood I would have to make an effort despite how I felt.

I told myself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. I know that sounds harsh but that is what I kept saying to myself. “Suck it up” and “do it” even though I was tired and it made me feel uncomfortable. It is what I needed to hear from myself at the time. I needed to push myself into uncomfortable situations and thought processes so I could get mentally healthier.

With the help and guidance of my counselor I began challenging my thinking by doing the following things:

  • I viewed my thoughts about myself from a different perspective. I had an awful opinion of myself. I constantly said horrible vile things about myself  to myself. One day I asked myself a question. It was simply this, “Would you say the things you say to yourself to someone else?” The answer was “No.” My answer led to one more question, “Then why do you say these things to yourself?” From that point forward, I worked hard to be less harsh on myself, and to change my internal dialogue. I replaced my negative thoughts about myself with ones that were positive, encouraging, and realistic.
  • I kept track of how often I had negative thoughts about someone, something, or myself. For several weeks, I wrote down every negative thought I had, when I had it, and why I had it. I did a lot of writing. With the help of my counselor, I reviewed the negative thoughts and what triggered them. I used my notes to determine when a negative thought was realistic and justified, and when there was no basis in reality for it.
  • I replaced the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. I reviewed all the negative thoughts I had written down, and for each one I attempted to think of something positive I could write down instead. For example: I replaced “You are a horrible mother!” with “You were the best  mother you knew how to be.”  I also did something similar to this when I encountered a situation, or event that would invoke negative thoughts and emotions in me. For every situation where my initial reaction was negative, I would attempt to find three positive things about it. I was not pretending to be happy, or positive, I was retraining my brain so it would not focus on the negative all the time.
  • I spent more time with positive people. This was very difficult to do because it required more effort than any of the previous things did. When I first started doing this I did not want to leave my house and I did not want to be around anyone. I really had to “suck it up” and “get on with it”. After years of isolating myself, I did not have any local friends left, so the positive people I spent a great deal of time around was my parents. I learned how to handle stress and other difficulties by watching how they handled theirs. I paid attention to their positive attitudes, and tried my best to imitate them. When I would come out with a negative comment, they were quick, but kind, when they corrected me and turned it into something positive. I felt happier being around people who had a positive attitude.

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    I know, believe me I KNOW how much depression hurts. It does not matter what the root cause of your depression is, YOU CAN CHOOSE to do something about it. Think about it from this perspective; if you had a leg injury and had to have physical therapy to help it heal, the exercises you had to do in physical therapy would hurt. You would have to push through some of that pain to get your leg strong again and to help it heal. Most likely, your leg would be sore for several days after a physical therapy session. Choosing to be proactive in learning how to manage your depression is like that physical therapy session, it will hurt and it will be uncomfortable. Most likely, the emotional pain that is created by taking a step to help yourself mentally heal will last for several days. You need to push through the pain. It is even okay to tell yourself to “suck it up” and “get on with it”.

     

    The Kidney Update

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    Yesterday, was not a fun day. I had to have some blood drawn for a thyroid test my doctor ordered. I also had to leave a urine sample for something called a micro albumin test. Originally, the urine sample was going to have to be sent to a lab to be analyzed, because the machine that the clinic has to perform that particular test was not working. However, today it was working properly.

    The lady who took had to stick me for the blood sample had only graduated from school two weeks ago. My veins scared her. She made me wait until there was no one else needing blood drawn, so she could spend a great deal of time on me. It worked. She took her time and was able to hit a vein, on the first try, in the back of one of my hands. While I was waiting for her to get through everyone else, I went over to where I needed to pee in a cup.

    I had a special urine test done called a microalbumin test. Webmd explains what microalbumin is, as well as the test much better than I could.

    A microalbumin test checks urine for the presence of a protein called albumin. Albumin is normally found in the blood and filtered by the kidneys. When the kidneys  are working properly, albumin is not present in the urine. But when the kidneys are damaged, small amounts of albumin leak into the urine. This condition is called microalbuminuria.

    My microalbummin level was significantly higher than it was the last time I had this test done. That means the kidney damage has progressed.

    I am not sure what happens from here. I go to a free clinic and it looks like they have no appointments available until at least the beginning of August, but it is hard to tell because the appointment desk did not have their August calendar quite yet.

    I am trying to not be worried. So far the results have been mixed. I know worrying will not do me any good, so when I do start I try to redirect my thinking.

    Counting My Blessings

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    Image found on "My Time" a blog by Lori Shrout

    Counting my blessings makes me feel good. It reminds me of all the wonderful things I have in my life. Even if I do not take the time to write them down, counting my blessings is something I do every day.

    Some of the blessings I am counting this week are:

  • My job – I love my job! Having a job like this is something I have dreamed about for the last couple of years.
  • School – I love school! I love the homework, the challenge, and all the things I am learning.
  • Better A1C test results – My A1C – the test that measures how well my blood sugar is controlled – was 8.5 on the last blood work I had. It is still a little too high, but when compared to the results I had when I was still on Effexor – 11.5 – I think the results are great!
  • A vacation to look forward to – I am so looking forward to the cruise to Alaska. It has been a long time since I have been on a vacation, or even wanted to go on vacation.
  • A comfortable place to lay my head at night – I always feel blessed that I am where I am and that I have a place to call home.

    • Flying Purple People Eaters Are Great Pets

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    That is a catchy title, isn’t it? I thought I would use it to get your attention and to help explain what I do for my job.

    My job title is Content Writer. Content writing is a fairly new form of writing that only exists because the Internet does. In a way, it is similar to writing a persuasive essay. Basically, what I do is write website content. I take a client’s keywords and/or keyword phrases, research the keywords, and write an article that is anywhere between 100 words to 500 words about the information I found during the research process. At various – but fairly specific – places throughout the article I have to use the keywords and/or the keyword phrases that the client supplied. I get paid by the amount of words I type.

    Keywords and keyword phrases are usually based on research the client has done to determine what people are plugging into search engines. Sometimes the clients use key word phrases that have poor grammar, however, I still have to use them exactly the way the client wants.

    Some clients are very specific about how they want the informative article written. Sometimes they want me to write about a particular aspect of the item or service. However, there are times when all I  get is the keywords and/or the keyword phrase and it is up to me to decide what want angle I want to take in the article.

    The company guidelines state that unless the client says differently, the main keyword should be in the first sentence of the first paragraph and in the first sentence of the last paragraph. The main key word should also be in the title, and the title needs to contain at least four words. The guidelines also state that there should be an opening paragraph and a closing paragraph, and every paragraph in the article should have at least three sentences. Each article has a minimum word count and every article I write has to have at least the minimum amount of requested words in it. However, if I go over that word count I am not paid for the extra words, so I do my very best to keep it to the minimum.

    Here is an example of the instructions I might receive:

     

    Minimum word count: 330

    Main keyword: Flying Purple People Eaters

    Other keywords: flying purple people eater, alien, pet, pets


    If I were to turn that information into an article it might look something like this:

     

    Flying Purple People Eaters Are Great Pets

     

    With their purple fur and long claws, Flying Purple People Eaters certainly look different than the average dog or cat. Contrary to what the name implies, a tame Flying Purple People Eater will not randomly eat people. They are actually terrific, family pets. If you are looking for a pet for your family, you might want to consider this unusual creature.

    Since these furry aliens first landed, scientists have been working to tame them. They have been successful and now Flying Purple People Eaters are available for every family who wishes to own one. Since the taming process has rendered them incapable of eating even the most annoying child, you can let them play with your kids for hours without worrying that anyone might lose a finger or a toe. You can also use these unusual pets for more than just entertaining your children.

    If you have a little, yappy dog that gets on your nerves, a Flying Purple People Eater might be the perfect solution for you. Just let your new pet have some alone time with the little, furry, annoyance and within minutes there will be no trace of it left. Flying Purple People Eaters are also great for getting rid of irritating relatives. Although they do not randomly eat people, these pets can be trained to eat a person on command. Just think of how much peace and quiet there will be at family gatherings when all the aggravating relatives are gone.

    Flying Purple People Eaters may be alien creatures, but they are wonderful assets to any family. They can keep your children out from under your feet for hours by playing with them. Owning a Flying Purple People Eater will ensure that you no longer have to put up with a yappy dog. These unusual pets will also bring harmony to your house by getting rid of any relative that annoys you. Deciding to get one of these purple creatures for your family will be one of the best decisions you ever made.

     

    I really enjoy my job, and it certainly pushes me to think creatively. I also enjoy the research I have to do for the articles. I have even more random bits of information in my brain now. Just think, the next time you are looking at information about tapeworms in humans, you could be reading something I wrote!