One thing I have done most of my life has been to find ways to help other people.  I have volunteered at soup kitchens, given random homeless families food, volunteered in nursing homes, and have participated in many other giving activities.  Unfortunately, my reasons for doing all that did not include a real desire to give to  others.  Instead, I did those things because I  craved the high regard people would have for me.

I do not think there is anything wrong with taking pride in the things you do for other people.  What I do believe though, is that if you are only helping others for the accolades you are going to receive, then your motivation and actions are very selfish.  I  also believe that you are missing out on the gifts you might have received as a result of unselfish giving.

My craving for that type of attention was born out of my own lack of self worth.  In this last year, I have worked on my self worth, learning that I am a valuable person and that I do not need someone else’s approval to feel good about myself.  Once I began to value myself, I began to value  other people.  That is when my acts of giving changed from trying to make myself look good, to truly wanting to give what I can to other people.

The unselfish giving of myself to other people has done more to contribute to my happiness and satisfaction than I ever got when I was doing it selfishly.  The ironic thing is when I was engaging in selfish giving, those are the feelings I expected to get as a result of  the accolades of  others, and never did.

I have seen very real examples of how you can receive when you unselfishly give in my own family.  The repairing of mine and my mother’s relationship would not have taken place if we had not been willing to give of ourselves without any expectation of receiving anything in return.  The gifts we received as a result of that type of giving are numerous.  Friendship, support, and peace are just a few.

I would like to encourage each and every one of you to examine your own motivations for giving to others.  This will provide you with reassurance that you are giving from your heart or that maybe you need to change the reasons why you are giving.

Just like Selurus did in his blog post, I shared a little example of how I benefited from giving to someone else.  I would love it if you would share your own example of how you unselfishly gave of yourself to someone and what gift you received as a result.  I would also be interested in hearing if someone engaged in the selfish type of giving that I have in the past, as well as what motivated you to stop doing it.

In the last week or two, I sort of took my eyes off the brass ring and found myself struggling mentally.  Not really a “true” depression, but I believe if I had not re-focused my thoughts it probably would have led me down the road to a full blown depressive episode.

I know the cause of this mental struggle.  May was Mental Health Awareness Month.  I really enjoyed the opportunity to help bring awareness to the  stigma that surrounds people with mental health issues and things we can do to eliminate that stigma.  The best way I found I could do this, was to share my own struggles and challenges.  The problem is I have only been in depression recovery for a year, and the experiences, thoughts and feelings that I shared are much rawer and closer to the surface than I thought they were.  I started concentrating on the negative and that is when I took my eyes off of the prize.

Fortunately, I am blessed by an abundance of people who, without even knowing they are doing it, remind me that life is good, and that I should take stock of my blessings so that I can turn my focus back to the positive.  One way to stay focused on the positive is having realistic goals for mtself, and Chere Michelle’s blog post about Realistic Goals reminded me of that this morning.

My prize, (or brass ring) is a feeling of satisfaction, and feeling good about myself.  I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but without those feelings I am no good to anyone.  Without those feelings, I start concentrating on negative thoughts and feelings, and withdraw from the people who mean the most to me.

What I decided, after reading Chere Michelle’s blog post, is that I would set myself five goals or objectives.  Each of these goals will be obtainable, but at the same time, they will provide me with enough challenge so that I will also learn something. I will be able to use these goals to keep my focus on the positive, and I will have something to feel good about.

One thing I am going to set as a goal is to get to know my parents better, especially my father.  I have been awesomely blessed to be able to create a new and positive relationship with my mother and have started to get to know her better.  It has been beneficial to both of us, because we now have a friendship that never existed before.  We also help each other out in ways we never did in the past.  Since  I have allowed my mother into my life, it feels as if she has become my greatest supporter.  I want to create something similar with my father.

He is getting older and his health is not as good as it used to be. I do not want any regrets when it comes to our relationship, so  it has become important to me to work on it.   That means, I need to start devoting some effort into getting to know him.  Not only will accomplishing this goal make me feel good, I think it would also make my father feel good.

Kicking my anxiety disorder in the butt and not letting it control certain aspects of my life anymore is something I want to accomplish in the next few months.  I really think this is a realistic goal because I have the tools and know what to do to conquer it.  I just have to get the motivation to do what needs to be done.  I have been putting off tackling the anxiety order head on because it makes me feel uncomfortable.  It is time that I choose to be a uncomfortable, so I do not end up being stuck in the house again because of my fears and anxiety.

As difficult as it may be, I want to strive to get at least one paying writing job.  It may take a long while for this to happen, but I am Okay with that.  I really enjoy writing and I would love to be able to start a career that I can do from home. More importantly, being able to make money doing something I enjoy would be a dream come true.

Becoming more proficient at using positive words and phrases when I talk is something  that I want to accomplish.   I have become very aware of how powerful our words can be.  I have noticed that if I cloud what comes out of my mouth with negative or even passive words , then my thinking lines up with that.  My thoughts start heading toward downward spiral.  If I can keep the words that I speak more positive, then my thinking will be more positive and I can ward off a depressed state of mind much easier.

I believe the most difficult goal I have set for myself is accepting that the people I love are going to do what they are going to do, and there is nothing I can do about it.  I just need to accept their decisions, no matter what I think about them, and move on.  I need to stop worrying about other people’s decisions and actions, love the person unconditionally, and be there to support them if the decision they made causes things in their life to go awry.

As I review my list of goals, I see I have some work to do.  That is good.  Putting effort into accomplishing my goals  will allow me to appreciate and take more pride in them than if they were easy to obtain.

I will keep you up-to-date on how I am doing with my goals.

What five goals would you set for yourself?  Why did you pick those particular goals?