The Simple Woman's Daybook- March 9, 2010

FOR TODAY March 9 2010

Outside my window… It is dark, very dark. The sun has not come up yet.

I am thinking…how nice it has been the last few evenings with my husband and daughter

I am thankful for…so many things. However, for right this second I am thankful for my mother.

From the kitchen…it is dark. No one else is up.

I am wearing…very warm pajamas

I am creating…I just finished creating my new website

I am going… to my psychiatrist today, medicine check

I am reading…inspiration quotes

I am hoping…to learn something new

I am hearing…snores coming from the bedrooms

Around the house…it is quiet an dark

One of my favorite things…is this time of the morning. It is all time for myself

A few plans for the rest of the week: I am a boring person, I rarely have plans to do anything, unless it involves a doctor or my counselor. I do plan on learning something new.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing…(add your picture here)
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Maui Babe After Browning Lotion

Join Us for Monday Mayhem

Monday Mayhem – #19 ~ We’re Gonna Holo-Holo

Welcome to Monday Mayhem the home of Mayhem on a Monday. Every week is something different. Have fun! Today’s meme – We’re Gonna Holo-Holo Simply copy and paste this into a post on your site and answer the prompts. Be sure to list your a direct link to your post and visit the other participants. You are going shopping in Hawai’i. Your task is to visit each store and answer the questions. Make sure you take a lot of money with you. Puka shells aren’t accepted. Aloha!

1. Harriet at Harriet and Friends is in desperate need of some personal hygiene products. You spot an ABC Store. What three items do you purchase for her?

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Everything you need while tanning, or just having fun in the sun!

Includes:
1- Maui Babe Browning Lotion 8 oz
1- Maui Babe Sun Block SPF 30 8 oz
1- Maui Babe After Browning Lotion 8 oz (great moisturizer!)
1- Beach Monkey Black Velour Towel
1- Hibiscus Teal Long Sarong and
1- Beach Mat

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From the island of Maui…
MAUI RAIN Perfume 0.25 (quarter) ounce

The finest Hawaiian perfume. A beautiful blend of
subtle Musk, delicate Lily of the Valley, and a
variety of Tropical Flowers. Fine Porcelain bottle,
exquisite designs (which vary), with interior glass
lined sleeves.

2. After your purchase you receive a collect call from Susan at Stony River Farm. She apologizes for calling collect but she’s cheap and you know that so you gladly accept the call. She tells you that she’s writing a book and needs information on hula. You proceed to Native Books/ Na Mea Hawaii and buy her?

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3. Leaving the shop you remember that Melli at Insanity Prevails loves hats. You also remember her not liking her new do. Stopping to think for a minute you look around and spot Paradise Clothing Company and purchase what hat and dress for her?

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4. KCinnova at KCinnova’s World, your friend since small kid time, has been telling you that she’s feeling overworked and very busy. You decide that something organic will help her. Hailing a cab you tell the cabbie to take you to Malie Organic and purchase what for her?

Soy Candle

Availabe in Coconut Vanilla, Koke’e (Maile), Plumeria (8 oz), & Organic Mango Nectar
(11 oz)

5. Your phone rings yet again. This time it’s Barbara at Stray Thoughts. Her not being cheap calls direct. Isn’t that nice? Well she knows your on your Hawaiian vacation and would love some chocolates. So you decide to stop by Hilo Hattie and buy her what two types of chocolate?

Hilo Hattie Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nut Crunch

Hilo Hattie Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts

6. Checking your fanny pack, you see a note from Hazel at Delineating Des ~ or attempting to ~. She has requested a lei to match the stilettos that she always wears. They are hot pink. You get on your moped and go to Hula Supply Center and buy her what lei?

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7. Then you remember your dear sweet friend Juliana at Scabiosa Trenta is always complaining about the snow and cold weather. You decide to go to 88Tees Hawaii. So you grab your surfboard and off you go. Which three gifts do you buy her to brighten her day?

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8. Alas your phone again. This time it’s none other than Bud at WTIT: The Blog. He’s in a real jam and needs your help desperately. It seems the French Twins birthday is the day after you return home. He begs you in a very whiny voice to please help him out. You owe me Bud you say. You take a limo to Sensually Yours. What lingerie item do you buy to get him out of his jam?

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9. Finished with all your shopping you decide that you are hungry and in a mood to watch a beautiful Hawaiian sunset. You decide to stop by Duke’s. What do you order from the dinner menu?

POKE ROLLS 10.95
Hawaii’s favorite pupu! Raw Ahi, Maui onions, sautéed in rice paper

FRESH ISLAND FISH 25.95-29.95
Hawaiian traditions respect the sea (Kai) by only fishing
for specific fish during certain seasons. We honor these traditions.
The fresh Hawaiian fish we serve are available according to their season.
GRILLED ISLAND STYLE
Tropical pineapple salsa

KIMO’S ORIGINAL HULA PIE® 6.95
This is what the sailors swam to shore for in Lahaina!

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Whiners and Complainers

ConversationsWithMoms:Every day Conversations with a Mom Blog

My Friday Frustrations are late, at least I am getting them done now.

My frustration for this week is whiners and complainers, especially when they are whining and complaining about things they are receiving for low or no cost.

Last May I started having to use a free clinic when my husband lost his job. With all my health challenges I just could not afford to pay for a doctor out of pocket and I am blessed in that the county I live in has an awesome free clinic. One of the services they offer is acting as a go between for their clients and the big pharmaceutical companies. What they do is work very very hard so that the pharmaceutical companies will give you a years worth of free medicine for each one of your prescriptions. Out of all my medications, I get all but two for free.

The procedure to pick up your medication is the pharmaceutical company mails your medications to the free clinic, about three months at a time, and the clinic calls you and you go pick it up. Also, because there are doctors at the free clinic, the clinic does keep some prescription medications on hand so that the doctors can write the patient’s prescriptions,at no charge to the patient.

Any time I have to go to the pharmacy I expect it to take a while. They have to hand write out each an every one of the prescription labels on the medication bottles, there are a lot of patients, and everyone who works there is a volunteer.

After I got out of the hospital, I needed to go pick up a few prescriptions that had been waiting on me. My mother dropped me off and she left and did her thing. We knew it would take some time. As I was waiting in the pharmacy waiting room, the two ladies who were in there with me started talking. Or should I say, whining and complaining.

It seems instead of getting there right when the clinic/pharmacy opened because they had to go to work, they waited a bit and then were complaining because it was taking the pharmacy “too long” to get their medications ready. One of them even had the nerve to say that she did not think the doctors or the pharmacy staff really knew what they were doing.

I have to admit, I just wanted to get in their faces an shake my finger and tell them how ungrateful they were. I mean seriously, the volunteers (even the doctors are volunteers) work there every day to make sure people like us have good medical care. They work hard to get us free medications and to fill our prescriptions. They work hard to make us feel positive about ourselves, and seem to really care about the people who go there.

So these two ladies who did not plan heir schedules better were complaining because of the amount of time it took the pharmacy. It was not their first time there so the knew how long the wait could be. Instead of acknowledging the fact that they were responsible for not getting there early enough, they would rather complain about free services that they do not even have to use.

Ok rant/frustration over.

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Just A Reminder

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I will be moving everything over to the new site in just a few minutes. The new url is http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

I will do my best to have it so that if you happen to click on the old site it will transfer you to the new one, however, just in case it does not work, please go ahead and update you bookmarks.

Those of you who are signed up on feeds will have to sign up again for the new feeds on the new site.

Please let me know if you have any quesitons.

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Why Die?

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Originally posted September 9, 2009

I have been asked, why is it that I thought suicide was a viable option for me.  There is no easy or quick answer for that question. From my perspective though, my choice of suicide was not a random or pointless decision. By the time I finally attempted suicide my thinking was so skewed, that unless a person has experienced similar thoughts, it is difficult to explain just how all consuming my suicidal thoughts were and why.

The last few months have been the lowest I have ever experienced.  Let’s face it, when a person gets to a point where they can see suicide as a logical, problem solving choice, it implies that, in their mind at least, they have reached a point where their life has very little meaning.   I felt abandoned, alone, unloved, afraid, sad, angry and unworthy.  I felt as if my back was against the wall and there was no other way out.  For months, it seemed as though every thought I had involved suicide.

I think I became obsessed with the thought of suicide.  If I encountered a difficult problem, my first thought was of suicide.  If my husband and I had an argument, my first thought was of suicide.  If I became sad about something going on in my life, my first thought was suicide.  I am sure you get the picture by now, I was applying the “solution” of suicide to every difficulty I faced.

To me suicide represented an end of consciousness.  An end to the horrible thoughts of feeling like I had been abandoned, that I was unloved, alone, afraid, sad, angry and unworthy.  An end to a deep, searing psychological pain, that just would not go away.  I had no hope and I believed that there was no one or nothing that could help me.  Suicide was the ultimate way that I could escape.

Fortunately, when it finally came time to enact my suicide plan, there was some small part of me, deep inside, that was not absolutely, convinced that suicide was the right choice.  That part, that little tiny voice, is the one that ended up calling for an ambulance.  Since that time I have learned that I am loved, that I am not alone, my sadness is not as deep, my anger is slowing going away, I am becoming less afraid and I am learning that I am worthy.  I no longer see suicide as my only choice.

Important Announcement!

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Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own domain. Yay!!! I am very excited! You can find the new site at http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

Sometime this weekend I will be moving the whole blog to the new site. I will attempt to make this transition as smoothly as possible, however, if you want to, you can go ahead and update your bookmarks and etc. with the new url.

I thoroughly enjoyed having my blog at blogspot, but I am looking forward to having more versatility with my blog by this move. I appreciate everyone’s patience while I do this, and if you have any questions please let me know.

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Important Announcement!

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Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own domain. Yay!!! I am very excited! You can find the new site at http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

Sometime this weekend I will be moving the whole blog to the new site. I will attempt to make this transition as smoothly as possible, however, if you want to, you can go ahead and update your bookmarks and etc. with the new url.

I thoroughly enjoyed having my blog at blogspot, but I am looking forward to having more versatility with my blog by this move. I appreciate everyone’s patience while I do this, and if you have any questions please let me know.

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Things I Have Learned While Hanging With Grandma

Staying at Grandma’s house means a little extra hang time with her. It has been rather amusing and educational all at the same time. I thought I would share a few things that I have learned while hanging with grandma.

1. I learned that Grandma enjoys game shows, especially, “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” She says she learns something from them every time she watches them.

During the “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” episode yesterday afternoon, “Mama” from “Mama’s Family” was on. Unfortunately, “Mama” had to say something that has forever ruined “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” for me. She looked in the camera and said, “I may be older than your Grandma’s underwear, but I am not smarter than a fifth grader.”

2.  The blue and white bowl in this picture belonged to my great-grandmother, who gave it to my grandmother, and my grandmother used it for many years to make biscuits in.  Grandma said she believes that it used to belong to her own grandmother at one time.

3.  The blue pitcher in the picture is another item that my grandmother said used to belong to her own grandparents. 

My grandmother got the pitcher when my great-grandmother brought her some flowers in it after my mother was born.

4.  I learned that when my mother was four years old my grandparents owned a TV.  My mother used to like to lay on the floor and watch Lawrence Welk.  Until he had Elvis on his show.  When my mother saw Elvis gyrating on stage she said something to the effect “If this is how he is going to be, I am not watching him!”

5..  I learned that this is actually carnival glass, not depression glass, and is supposed to be more valuable.

6.  This is a depression glass candy dish.  Grandma said I could have it when she died.  I remember her always keeping some kind of peppermint candy in it.

7.  I learned that Grandma can spend ten minutes trying to decide what kind of toilet paper she would like to buy.

At the grocery store yesterday, we had a great debate over what type of toilet paper was the best.  We also discussed why a “strong” toilet paper cannot be “soft” at the same time.  I told her what kind a septic tank guy recommended to me.  She picked something else out.  When I casually said “My butt won’t be the same now”, Grandma came back with a very quick “tough shit”, and we all laughed like crazy in the toilet paper aisle.

8.  I learned that I am the cutest grandchild ever.  Look at me!

 9.  I learned that Grandma wants my mom to put this LLadro piece (the dog) on ebay and sell it for $1000.

10.  I learned that it does not matter what context it is used in, hearing Grandma say the word penis is so very very wrong on so many levels.

 Have a great day, Neighbors!!

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Seeing Through Glasses

As a depressed, diabetic, almost forty year old woman, I often feel as if I am controlled by my emotions.  At any moment, I can start crying over nothing, feel so angry that I cannot talk or I say things I should not, or feel so panic stricken that I cannot leave my house.

I am at a loss to explain to most people how things have degenerated so far down to this point.  How do you explain to someone that your anxiety works in such a way that there is a certain square mile radius that is your “safety zone” and that if you leave it, you will have a panic attack? Or that your depression is so bad that even bathing yourself and getting dressed for the day can seem like an insurmountable task?

In my quest to learn how to control my emotions rather than let them control me, I have encountered a few people who have shared some bits of information with me about depression and how diabetes, genetics, my childhood, brain chemistry and the changing hormones of a woman my age can worsen depression and anxiety.  I appreciated the information because it has given me a better way of explaining to people why I am an emotional, puddle of mud, however, when I take stock of all I have stacked against me it is rather dis-heartening. Did I forget to mention I am also naturally a glass is half empty kind of person?

I wonder what things would look like, if I tried to see a few of the issues I have, through a glass that is half full?

Pre-menopause bouncing hormones can lead to depression and anxiety

Glass is half empty view – Ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones which lead to ever worsening depression and panic attacks.  My “safety zone” grows smaller and smaller until it only includes my house.  I become a shut in who is known as the dog lady (I prefer dogs over cats)

Glass is half full view – Only ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones, depression and panic attacks.  Menopause hits and the bouncing hormones go away.  As an added bonus no more visits from my “monthly friend”.

Studies show that people with diabetes have a greater risk of depression than people without diabetes.

Glass is half empty view – Whenever my sugar levels get to high I feel depressed, when they get too low I feel depressed.  Giving myself shots is so not fun.  Checking my blood sugar is a painful and tedious project that must be done at least four times a day.  I cannot eat cake, cookies, bread, and pasta the way I want to.

Glass is half full view – Getting better control over my blood sugar means I will not get depressed from the sugar highs and lows.  In a few years all my finger tips will have developed callouses, so checking my blood sugar will no longer be a painful process.  With all that cake, cookies, bread and pasta I am not eating, I am bound to lose weight, and will be able to get back into my skinny jeans.

I have depressed genes

Glass is half empty view- These are not like my fat jeans, where I can hope to one day be able to fit in my skinny jeans again.  There are no exchanges or refunds to these types of genes.  I am stuck with them!  My children are stuck with them!

Glass is half full view – There are medications that can help control the chemical processes in my brain that are a little off kilter due to my genes.  If some medications do not work that is ok, there are many of them out there and you are allowed exchanges of medications.  My children are already aware of their depressed genes.  They will know to be vigilant, and will always be on the look out for the signs of depression and anxiety in themselves.  They will have the ability to get  help long before they spiral down as far as I have.

I think if I can remember to take the time to look at things from a glass is half full view, I will continue to surprise myself with all the positive things I can find.  I might even find a way to better control my emotions and no longer be an emotional, puddle of mud.

Are there any issues you have that you are currently looking at through a glass is half empty view?  What happens when you take the time to look at them through a glass is half full view?  Let me know what you discover.

Thirteen Facts About Talking Rock, Georgia

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My list of thirteen for this week, is thirteen facts about my town. Talking Rock, Georgia

1. Talking Rock is the third smallest town in the state of Georgia.

2. Talking Rock was created on December 5th, 1853.

3. The origin of the town’s name is unclear.

Some individuals believe that it’s from the noise of the water rolling over the rocks in our beautiful creek,while other like the story of folks sitting for a spell
on a rock to have a talk with a neighbor.Still others believe that the name originated with the local Indians.

4. In 1883 the train started running through town. It quickly became life line of the town.

5. In the town proper there are 49 people residing.

6. In the town proper the population is 100% white.

7. The town proper is on 0.2 acres of land.

8. One of the earliest cotton mills in Georgia was started in Talking Rock. It lasted until the Civil War, then it was burned by Sherman’s raiders.

9. Talking Rock was built next to an Indian Village by the name of Sanderstown.

10. My favorite fall festival is in Talking Rock, on the third weekend in October.

11. There is a one room school house in the middle of Talking Rock.

12. When my husband was little he lived in Down Town Talking Rock for a short period of time.

13. My town is so small that I could not find a 13th fact about it.
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