Category Archives: Mental Illness

Power Of Positive Words – L

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before me that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Laugh – This word makes me feel positively happy because I actually laugh. I am not sure if you can understand what it is like to go several years without actually laughing, but that is what I did. Laughter is a great stress reliever, and mood booster, and I was missing those beneficial things because I was to angry, and depressed to laugh. Now, I laugh everyday. My favorite laughs are the deep belly laughs that make my whole body shake.

 

So Much Waiting

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I feel like I should be doing something. I want to be doing something. Anything. My heart hurts less when I am busy, but at the same time my brain is too busy, and agitated to concentrate. Then there is this waiting. Waiting.

The coroner had to come to the house since dad died at home. She said he would be taken to the county morgue, and we could have a funeral home pick him up – once we decided on one. My mother’s Pastor recommended one, and that is the one my brother called. They had to get permission from the county morgue to pick up dad, and a time to do so. A little bit ago, the funeral home called. They are picking dad up at around 5:30 pm, and we are to meet with them in the morning – around 11:30 am.

So now I am waiting. Waiting until bed time – when I can hide myself away. Waiting until I will be staring at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come, waiting for my brain to STOP, and knowing there will be no sleep, and my brain WON’T stop.

My Dad Died Today

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Today is a very hard day for me. My dad died. It happened sometime during the night – while he was sleeping. It appears he was not even aware that it was happening. He went to sleep, and did not wake up.

In a way it was completely and totally a surprise. Even though he had been in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for some heart issues, he was doing really well. He even had a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday during which the doctor expressed how pleased he was with how well my dad was doing. There was really no reason to think he would die after only being out of the hospital for a week.

My brain is having a difficult time coming to grips with the fact that my dad is dead. My heart aches. I am going to miss him so much. I am so blessed that I had the opportunity to rebuild our relationship before this happened.

My dad was not perfect, but he is my hero. It never mattered to him the state of our relationship, he was always there for me. He was quick to put aside the many times I caused him pain, and these last few months with him were wonderful. I have many good memories of him that I will always cherish.

Power Of Positive Words – K

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Kudos – This word makes me feel positively happy because it feels good when I receive praise/kudos from other people. It also gives me a great deal of joy when I can do the same for other people. Praise/Kudos are just one way I can build someone up, and it feels good to everyone.

Power Of Positive Words – J

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Joke – This word makes me positively happy because I know how to play jokes on people now. Even better than knowing how to play j0kes on people, is how much they seem to enjoy them.

 

The Truth Is The Truth Can Hurt

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I am not a fan of confrontation. It is hard, and often extremely painful. There have been many times when I have gone out of my way to avoid any type of confrontation with anyone. In my mind, it is easier to be quiet than deal with the fallout.

Depression treatment has shown me the importance of speaking the truth. The reality is, keeping the truth to myself can lead to an innocent person being harmed, and/or extra hurt for the person that needs to hear the truth. It can also cause my relationships with other people to be stagnant, and unhealthy. Not to mention, we all lose an opportunity to learn something.

Sharing the truth with another person, is not just about opening my mouth, and spewing out everything they have ever done that bothers me. It is about approaching someone with love, humility, and caring. It should be done in such a way that it preserves the relationship, and the person. I need to be sincere, direct, kind, and responsible for my own feelings. I do not need to confront another person – and their problem – when I am exhausted, frustrated, angry, and checked out on the relationship.

I am not very skilled at confrontation, and this week – when I had to confront someone – proved it. Some one very dear to me needed to be confronted about some of her actions. In retrospect, I can clearly see that – while my intentions were the best – my delivery was awful. I need to work on that.

Learning to confront well – sharing the truth with others – takes practice, and patience.  Are you going to begin today? I am.

Power Of Positive Words – I

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Incredible – This word makes me positively happy because so many incredible things have happened to me, and for me since I began depression treatment. I have gone from hopeless to hopeful, joyless to joyful, fearful to somewhat fearless. I never thought I would be the person I am now. The amount of change, and growth I have experienced is Incredible.

 

Perfectly Normal

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Monday, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist. Although it was my normal medication, and depression check, I was a bit nervous. I have been experiencing depression symptoms at least three or four days a week, and I knew that I was going to have to tell her. In my mind, I had already decided that she would probably increase my medication dosage, or some other “drastic” action.

I know there are several reasons why I have been experiencing depression symptoms – my divorce, my father’s heart issue and hospitalization, some things going on with my daughter in law and son, and my bout with loneliness. I often feel overwhelmed by all of my feelings about what is going on, and when that happens my depression symptoms return.

When I got around to telling my psychiatrist about my depression symptoms, and how often I seem to be experiencing them, her response surprised me. She said she thought what I was experiencing is perfectly normal under the circumstances. She went on by asking “You wouldn’t want to be so drugged up that you could not feel anything, would you?” My response was “Yes, I would” – I was halfway joking.

For many years, I maintained a wall around my heart. It allowed me to keep most people, and my own emotions away. Basically, there was a disconnect between me, and my emotions. That disconnect made it impossible for me to learn how to manage, move past, and embrace most of my strong emotional responses. I have spent a considerable amount of effort, and time attempting to learn what strong emotions feel like, and trying to accept them.

The truth is many times, strong emotions cause me pain, and make me very sad. In my head, pain, and sadness equal depression. Consequently, when I experience those emotions, I am always concerned that my depression is coming back. I also have to admit, there is a part of me that wishes I could take a pill – or put the wall back up – so that I did not have to experience the pain, and sadness.

I can accept that to be mentally healthy I need to experience all emotions, and that it would not be beneficial for my continued growth to drug myself up, or erect another wall. So after giving it a great deal of thought, I discovered that I can feel proud, and happy that what I am experiencing now is perfectly normal – even if it does feel uncomfortable a lot of the time.

Oh! Just so you know – the psychiatrist said that I looked, and sounded better than the last time she saw me.

Power Of Positive Words – H

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I am now on my third set of Positive Words – going in alphabetical order. I get just as much out of them now as I did when I began this series.

Before I began depression treatment the words I used out loud, and in my mind, were peppered with negativity. At the time, I did not realize the power that words could have on a person’s mood, attitude, and outlook on life. Depression treatment has taught me to be mindful of the words I use. Creating this list of positive words for each letter of the alphabet has been a terrific way for me to build up a positive word bank. My life is very different now. I see a future laid out before that will be filled with much joy. I know there will be sorrows, however, I think the joy will outweigh those.

Feel free to use anything you see on this list on your own blog – or even create your own list of positive words.

Honest – I cannot say this word makes me feel positively happy all the time. However, it does give me a sense of pride when I think about it – which I think is positive. I have learned to be honest with other people, and myself – even when being honest is difficult, and sometimes hurts.

Giving Up Can Be Good

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I learned something this week. There are times when giving up can be a good thing. I came to this conclusion when I made a difficult decision this week.

I love my computer. Absolutely love it. Unfortunately, it is not completely paid off. I have to give Joe Bob credit here, almost every week he has made a payment on it. Unfortunately, even though he has managed to do that, my computer payment is still at least a week behind. I had planned to pay it off with my part of our income tax return.

The pay off for my computer is now considerably more than it was when I first came out to mom and dad’s. It is so high that a new computer – a decent one – would cost slightly less. The higher pay off, and the struggle to make the payments has been causing me a considerable amount of stress. I have plenty of stress in my life, and really do not need something I love – the computer – causing me anymore. So I made a decision.

I decided that it was time to give up on keeping my computer. The moment I made that decision a huge weight was lifted off of me. I honestly felt a million times better. I felt even better once the computer had successfully been returned.

As you can see, I am not completely computerless. For the time being I am using my mom’s little netbook. It is not quite what I am used to, but it certainly does what I need it to.

I am proud of myself. It was not all that long ago when the thought of giving up my computer would have sent me into a panic attack. You see, my only contact with the world was through my computer. My world is much richer, and fuller now, and my computer is not the only way I socialize anymore.