Category Archives: Mental Health Month

Today In History – May 17th -Mental Health Month

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In 1792, the New York Stock Exchange was born.

In 1973, the Senate Watergate Committee opens hearings.

In 2009, I tried to take my own life.

Wow! I cannot believe it has been two years! So much has changed since then. I think I need to hear myself say that again… IT HAS BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF!!

I was so sick. So very sick. I get a shiver up my spine just thinking about how bad I felt back then. I never want to go back to feeling that bad, and being that sick. It was an existence of never ending pain, overwhelming sadness, mental and physical exhaustion, and constant extreme anxiety.

Oh, and hate. I hated myself so much. I cannot even put into words how much I hated myself.

By the time May 17 of 2009 rolled around the only solution I could see to ending my pain, and sheer misery was death. The only way I could picture myself dying was if I took my own life. I had no hope.

But that was then…

As I said before, so much has changed.

I KNOW I will never get that sick again.

I have learned how to manage my depression symptoms so they do not overwhelm me. I know how to ask for help when I think I need it. I have learned to set a healthy boundaries. I have connected with other people, and have created a wonderful support network. Most importantly…

I HAVE HOPE!

Getting mentally healthier did not just happen. I had worked for it. I still have to work for it. Daily. Some days, I struggle to remember everything I have learned, and manage my depression symptoms. Other days, are easier to get through, because everything falls into place -my brain is working good, and my depression symptoms are more manageable.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Do you have hope? Or do you feel lost, alone, full of pain, and hopeless? Do you want to die?

I want you to know, I have been where you are, and I know how you feel. You are not alone. I promise you, things can get better. You can feel better.

All you need to do is reach out for help. Tell a friend. Tell a family member. Tell a co-worker. Tell a doctor. Tell anyone!

Or call…

suicide prevention

Tell them you need help. Tell them you want to die. The worst thing you can do is to keep your suicidal thoughts yourself.

Grief Has Taught Me A Few Things

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Until I began experiencing grief as a result of dad’s death, I never realized anything could feel as emotionally and physically painful as depression. In fact, they have felt so similar that I became confused, and had a difficult time distinguishing the difference between the two. At one point, I even convinced myself that I was heading toward a depressive episode.

I went to my psychiatrist, thinking she was going to raise the dosage of my depression medication, because of how badly I was feeling. Instead, she told me what I was feeling was normal grief, and while it hurt just as badly as depression does, it was not the same thing. She told me to be patient. She told me the worst of what I was feeling would pass in a few weeks. She was right.

She did give me a word of warning, telling me that with my history of depression I would have a greater chance of my grief turning into a depressive episode. Her solution was not to raise my medication dosage, but instead watch me a little more closely than usual.

Now that the pain of dad’s loss is not so intense, I can see the wisdom in what she said. I can also identify some of the differences between grief and depression, as well as acknowledge that I have learned a few things from this experience.

Both grief and depression include symptoms of sadness, tearfulness, disturbances in sleep, decreased socialization, and changes in appetite. In most cases, that is where the similarities end. Usually, after the first two to three weeks of the grieving process the person is – in most cases – able to carry out most of the obligations and activities that come with daily living. However, a person with severe depression will lack the ability to function for many weeks, months, and in some cases years. In addition, early morning awakening is more common in depression.

One of the biggest differences I have noticed between depression and grief is what my mind has focused on. During my severe major depressive episode I spent a lot of time thinking about myself – in a self negating way. Some of my thoughts during that time were that I was “worth nothing”, “a burden”, and “unlovable”. Nothing could penetrate my thoughts of despair, and my inability to have hope. Eventually, the only option I felt was left to me was suicide. In my grieving process, I have been in emotional pain, but there have been no feelings of despair or hopelessness. Nor have I had any negative thoughts about myself or suicidal thoughts.

There is no question that feelings of loss and sadness are a significant part of grief, however, those feelings are distinctly different than feelings of loss and sadness in someone with depression. A person with depression will usually experience a constant and overwhelming feeling of sadness, while someone grieving typically experiences sadness in “waves”. Most of the time, it is in response to some reminder of their loved one.

For me, these painful memories of dad are paired with positive feelings and memories. For example, when I began the process of trying to organize things in the garage I became overwhelmed with grief. Dad’s death was the reason I was having to organize the garage, and get things ready to move. That hurt. I sat down and cried for an hour. When I was able to calm down enough to get back to work one of the first things I found was dad’s coonskin hat. So in the middle of that emotional pain I found something to laugh about. During my depressive episode finding that hat certainly would not have made me laugh, in reality it probably would have caused me to cry even more.

While there have been plenty of times when I have wanted to be alone in my grief, I have noticed that I have not gone to the extremes I did during my depressive episode to isolate myself. I have maintained social contacts, and even reached out to friends and family when I felt overwhelmed by my grief. I have allowed myself to be consoled, something that would have been impossible if what I had been feeling was depression symptoms.

I still miss dad, and I know I always will, but at least I have a professional support team, my mother, real friends, and online friends to help me through my grieving process.

Writing For Wellness – Mental Health Month

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I had no idea when I began writing/journaling about my experiences with depression how vital it would become in my journey towards wellness. The act of writing about my thoughts, feelings, challenges, and triumphs has made it possible for me to view my struggles with depression from a different perspective – allowing me to make better choices regarding my mental health. I wholeheartedly believe journaling made it possible for me to do well in depression treatment.

Anytime I encounter someone who is struggling with depression – or any other mental health issue – I strongly encourage him or her to start writing in a journal. I know writing long detailed journal entries is not for everyone, and can be overwhelming for people who do not normally like to write. That is OK. Even the most basic of journal entries -ones simply tracking your daily moods -are often enough to help someone keep track of what is going on in their head. My first attempts at journaling about my depression took the form of smilely faces and sad faces in a pocket calendar.

Some of the reasons writing/journaling can help someone manage their depression are:

1.  A journal is a safe place to release your thoughts and emotions. One of the worst things you can do if you are depressed -or anyone for that matter – is to bottle up your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Writing about them helps you release – making it easier for you to move forward.

2.  A journal makes you take a good look at yourself. If you have a very negative attitude -which feeds into your depression – you will be able to identify it very quickly. By reviewing previous journal entries, you will be able to see threads of doubt, mistrust, and hopelessness. When you can clearly identify these negative thought processes, you can take action toward changing them.

I have to tell you from my experience, learning how to change your negative thought processes to positive ones is probably the MOST IMPORTANT step in depression treatment.

3.  A journal is your place to just “be“. Sometimes using words to express yourself is not enough. It can be just as healing to express your self with paintings, drawings, photographs, and etc.

4.  A journal lets you know if you are progressing. One good thing about keeping track of your days is -when you are consistent – you will be able to keep track of your progress. You will have something you can look through, and see how much you have improved. It will also be something that you can use to identify areas that still need some work  – for example, a negative attitude.

5.  Writing helps you get a handle on your mental status. Journaling your way through depression, is like keeping a ledger. It allows you to keep track of your ups and downs, and their causes. Being able to predict your mental lows makes it easier for you to manage them.

Here are a few ideas to get you started journaling:

  1. Start off simply. For me, starting off with smiley faces and sad faces in a pocket calendar was perfect. It was a simple way to get me into the habit of tracking my moods. It also made it easier to transition into more detailed accounts of my moods, emotions, and thoughts – making it easier for me to identify things that affected them.
  2. Journaling is NOT a competition. If you get busy,  too tired, or just do not feel like it, I promise you the world is not going to end if you miss a day or two of journaling. Do not let journaling become another source of stress, or something to beat yourself up about if you miss a day here or there.
  3. What you write is yours to keep. Never let anyone pressure you into showing them what you have written in your journal. It is yours, not theirs. If you want to show them, do so! Just remember, you are under no obligation to share your private thoughts with anyone.
  4. Using writing prompts is OK. Sometimes you need a little jump start to get your daily journal writing going. One way to do this is through the use of writing prompts. Writing prompts usually are simple sentences or words whose purpose is to give you an idea of what to write about.

The following is a list of writing prompts that should be helpful to most new journal writers, and might even spark a few ideas in those who have been journaling for a while:

  1. Write about a favorite childhood memory.
  2. In a positive way, write down three things you would like to change/improve about yourself -and why.
  3. Write down something you wish people knew about depression, -or any mental health issue – and how it affects you.
  4. List  three positive things you have learned from depression -or any mental health issue.
  5. Write about something or someone that makes you feel good.
  6. Look out of your window, and describe what you see. How does it make you feel?
  7. When you are having depression symptoms, what are some things you do to manage them?
  8. Describe what a day in your life is like.
  9. Write down five things you are thankful for.
  10. Pretend you just met someone who was recently diagnosed with depression. What advice would you give them? What encouragement which you give them?

My Story – A Video

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I was inspired by several mental health activists who use art as a way to express their thoughts about what it is like living with a mental health issue. However, my artistic abilities never graduated beyond stick figures. What I decided to do was combine the art that I could do with my ability to make short videos.

The following is a result of that combination:

May Is Mental Health Month

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Mental Health America began its tradition of celebrating ” May is Mental Health Month” in 1949. From the beginning, the purpose of this celebration is to raise awareness of mental health conditions and mental wellness for all.

 

This year, Mental Health America will be addressing these issues through two themes:

Do more for 1 in 4 is a call to action to help the 1 in 4 American adults who live with a diagnosable, treatable mental health condition and the fact that they can go on to live full of productive lives.

The second theme, Live Well! It’s Essential for Your Potential, focuses on the importance of mental wellness in the steps ever when content to improve their well being and resiliency in the face of difficult times and challenges.

 

My plan is to participate in this awareness month. One of the ways I intend to do that is by creating a new Mentl Health Month post every day in May. I hope you join me during this time of raising awareness about mental health issues by supporting each other in our individual endeavors to use our voices in order to bring hope to anyone who has a mental health issue for has a family member that does.