Category Archives: Mental Illness

Managing Not Dealing

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Something was pointed out to me today. When I heard this I did a mental double take. Then I realized the truth in the statement.

Managing our issues is so much better than just dealing with them.

Dealing with them implies that in some way an issue has defeated us or is in control. Managing implies that we are not letting an issue be in control. One word discounts our efforts in resolving an issue, the other acknowledges our efforts and allows for us to keep trying.

I think this is a very important statement for anyone. Mental illness or not, we all have issues. We all want some sort of resolution to our issues. Often when no resolution is obtained, we become frustrated. We develop a defeatist attitude and often just decide to “deal” with it. Dealing with it, in my opinion, means that we have come to accept the issue, and its control over us, without putting anymore effort into resolving it. When we have reached a sort of acceptance of an issue and its control of us, and decide to just “deal” with it, we often view ourselves and our efforts in resolution as failures.

I think managing an issue allows us to see it from a more positive perspective. Even in our lack of resolution, managing our issues keeps them from controlling us. We do not see a lack of resolution as failure. We see it as an opportunity to try again. We can look at our previous efforts and acknowledge that even efforts that did not bring about resolution are valuable. Every effort to bring about resolution will effect some sort of change.

I am sure that some people could argue that this is just a question of semantics. Manage and deal have similar definitions. However similar is not the same. When I looked at the definitions for both of the words, manage had more success oriented words than deal had. The definition for manage had words like direct, control, and to succeed. The definition for deal had words like to take action, and to behave in a certain way.

Do you think that changing just one word, deal to manage, really makes a difference in our efforts to resolve issues and maintain a positive attitude? Or do you think that both words are similar enough that it does not make a difference?

Are there instances you can think of where changing just one word in how you thought or spoke about something changed your whole perspective in how you viewed the issue or situation?

Food for thought, Neighbors!

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Just A Reminder

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I will be moving everything over to the new site in just a few minutes. The new url is http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

I will do my best to have it so that if you happen to click on the old site it will transfer you to the new one, however, just in case it does not work, please go ahead and update you bookmarks.

Those of you who are signed up on feeds will have to sign up again for the new feeds on the new site.

Please let me know if you have any quesitons.

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Important Announcement!

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Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own domain. Yay!!! I am very excited! You can find the new site at http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

Sometime this weekend I will be moving the whole blog to the new site. I will attempt to make this transition as smoothly as possible, however, if you want to, you can go ahead and update your bookmarks and etc. with the new url.

I thoroughly enjoyed having my blog at blogspot, but I am looking forward to having more versatility with my blog by this move. I appreciate everyone’s patience while I do this, and if you have any questions please let me know.

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Important Announcement!

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Sugar Filled Emotions now has its own domain. Yay!!! I am very excited! You can find the new site at http://www.sugarfilledemotions.com

Sometime this weekend I will be moving the whole blog to the new site. I will attempt to make this transition as smoothly as possible, however, if you want to, you can go ahead and update your bookmarks and etc. with the new url.

I thoroughly enjoyed having my blog at blogspot, but I am looking forward to having more versatility with my blog by this move. I appreciate everyone’s patience while I do this, and if you have any questions please let me know.

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Seeing Through Glasses

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As a depressed, diabetic, almost forty year old woman, I often feel as if I am controlled by my emotions.  At any moment, I can start crying over nothing, feel so angry that I cannot talk or I say things I should not, or feel so panic stricken that I cannot leave my house.

I am at a loss to explain to most people how things have degenerated so far down to this point.  How do you explain to someone that your anxiety works in such a way that there is a certain square mile radius that is your “safety zone” and that if you leave it, you will have a panic attack? Or that your depression is so bad that even bathing yourself and getting dressed for the day can seem like an insurmountable task?

In my quest to learn how to control my emotions rather than let them control me, I have encountered a few people who have shared some bits of information with me about depression and how diabetes, genetics, my childhood, brain chemistry and the changing hormones of a woman my age can worsen depression and anxiety.  I appreciated the information because it has given me a better way of explaining to people why I am an emotional, puddle of mud, however, when I take stock of all I have stacked against me it is rather dis-heartening. Did I forget to mention I am also naturally a glass is half empty kind of person?

I wonder what things would look like, if I tried to see a few of the issues I have, through a glass that is half full?

Pre-menopause bouncing hormones can lead to depression and anxiety

Glass is half empty view – Ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones which lead to ever worsening depression and panic attacks.  My “safety zone” grows smaller and smaller until it only includes my house.  I become a shut in who is known as the dog lady (I prefer dogs over cats)

Glass is half full view – Only ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones, depression and panic attacks.  Menopause hits and the bouncing hormones go away.  As an added bonus no more visits from my “monthly friend”.

Studies show that people with diabetes have a greater risk of depression than people without diabetes.

Glass is half empty view – Whenever my sugar levels get to high I feel depressed, when they get too low I feel depressed.  Giving myself shots is so not fun.  Checking my blood sugar is a painful and tedious project that must be done at least four times a day.  I cannot eat cake, cookies, bread, and pasta the way I want to.

Glass is half full view – Getting better control over my blood sugar means I will not get depressed from the sugar highs and lows.  In a few years all my finger tips will have developed callouses, so checking my blood sugar will no longer be a painful process.  With all that cake, cookies, bread and pasta I am not eating, I am bound to lose weight, and will be able to get back into my skinny jeans.

I have depressed genes

Glass is half empty view- These are not like my fat jeans, where I can hope to one day be able to fit in my skinny jeans again.  There are no exchanges or refunds to these types of genes.  I am stuck with them!  My children are stuck with them!

Glass is half full view – There are medications that can help control the chemical processes in my brain that are a little off kilter due to my genes.  If some medications do not work that is ok, there are many of them out there and you are allowed exchanges of medications.  My children are already aware of their depressed genes.  They will know to be vigilant, and will always be on the look out for the signs of depression and anxiety in themselves.  They will have the ability to get  help long before they spiral down as far as I have.

I think if I can remember to take the time to look at things from a glass is half full view, I will continue to surprise myself with all the positive things I can find.  I might even find a way to better control my emotions and no longer be an emotional, puddle of mud.

Are there any issues you have that you are currently looking at through a glass is half empty view?  What happens when you take the time to look at them through a glass is half full view?  Let me know what you discover.

The Last Day Of High School

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Welcome to the March 4th version of Thursday Thunks!
(which we always seem to post on Wednesday)
Where we make you think a little bit before you blog!

We pick a subject, and your job is to interpret it anyway you want. Write about it on your blog… simple as that. Maybe you can interpret it as a picture – we don’t care!
Please only leave a link if you have written a Thursday Thunks post. Please mention us in your post, and link back to the blog here.
Don’t forget to go visit the other participants’ blogs. Read and comment about all their Thursday Thunks! Thats what all this is about afterall, isn’t it? We’ll have so much fun and become lifelong friends….
This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Bud, the color of Australian Money, and the number 333.

Did you see that? We have a guest blogger this week!!!!

1. Someone knocks on your door. You have not seen this person in years. You were once great friends. Who would you like it to be and why?

My best friend from high school. She was very special to me. We moved so much when I was growing up that making friends was difficult. When we finally stayed in one place long enough for me to make friends, she became my very first ever best friend.

2. What do you think would be a great song title that isn’t one? Who do you want to record it?

Do your boobs hang low? (Sung to Do your ears hang low) I would like to record it.

3. You are having a party. If I’m invited, what should I bring?

you should bring the cheese dip

4. If your spouse or s/o cheated with a one night stand while away, would you really want to know?

No, I would not want to know.

5. How long does it take for a house guest to drive you bonkers?

about five minutes

6. If you could pick a new color for the sky, what would you pick?

purple

7. What did you think of the Olympics?

nothing really, I have no watched them at all

8. Could TT have thought of a lamer blogger that me to guest host?

I am sure they could have.

9. What’s the stupidest lie that someone really thought you’d believe?

No mom. Just because the graffiti on the wall has my name on it and it is in my handwriting, I did not write on the wall.

10. What was the best day you had in high school? Tell us about it.

The last day. I hated high school. I mean really hated it. I wanted to drop out, but did not. The last day was nice. I got to say good bye to friends, take pictures and know that I never had to set foot in that place again.

This is actually a picture from my last day of high school. I was in my psychology class room. I am the red head.
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11. Name something that you have in your home that you are sure most people don’t.

a didgeridoo
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12. Why haven’t you at least tried to play The Dating Profile Meme?

No idea. I will try it next time.

13. Do you think homophobia is a choice?

I think that just like the phobia implies it is a fear. Some people have more control over their fears than others do.

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Fear and Misunderstanding

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To look at me, most people would not even know that I had a mental illness. Most of the time (in fact rarely now that I am on medication) I do not act out inappropriately. I have no strange ticks, or behaviors. I do not have any OCD tendencies. In fact, even when my anxiety disorder is acting up, people who did not know me very well would not even realize that I was close to a panic attack. People would deem me “normal”.

For the most part, I can make my way through the world with few obstacles or encountering judgmental people, because of how “normal” I appear and act. The few judgmental people that I have had to deal with were easily cut from my life. I am sure that in some ways, this makes my life easier than if I had symptoms of my disease that were more noticeable by others.

For those people with mental illnesses that are more “noticeable” than mine, life can be much more challenging.  The other day I came across a blog whose author is the mother of a 17 year old young man who was recently diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. In her post, Angel Shrout, wrote an open letter to her family (and others) describing how their judgmental attitudes and behaviors have a very real and negative impact on her son.

Looking at him, he has nothing odd about him physically that would give anyone a clue that there was anything different about him.  However, there are things about his behavior that makes it obvious that there is..  From the author’s description, it appears he has been dealing with a mental illness for most of his life. As a result for most of his life he has been ostracized by family and others. 

At an age where our children are already having self esteem issues, this young man has the added burden of not acting “normal” due to his mental illness.   He is fully aware that he is “different”, and understands that is why he is treated the way he is, yet it appears he has not let the judgments of others make him a bitter and angry young man.  He still has a great sense of humor, loves animals, and has several gifts that his mother believes shows God’s Glory shining in him.

What is the difference between that young man, who is ostracized by family and strangers, and me, who for the most part is treated just like everyone else?

I personally believe that it is easy for people to “forget” or ignore the fact that I have a mental illness.  However, because of how that young man is affected by his mental illness and how it makes him behave, the fact that he has a mental illness is much  more in the face of the people around him.  What does how obvious our mental illnesses are have to do with anything?

Fear. I believe fear is the single most contributing factor as to why judgments are made about the mentally ill. Mental illness is scary. It is scary for the person who has it, and it is scary for outsiders as well.  For the outsider though, it is a fear mingled with the unknown, misunderstanding and preconceived ideas.

For most people their only exposure to someone with a mental illness is through what they have seen on the news, a television show,  or in the movies.  Let’s face it, most of what we see portrayed there is pretty scary stuff.  Added to that fear is our natural fear of the unknown and it is easy to see why a person would jump to a judgment about someone who is obviously mentally ill. 

I do not think it makes their jumping to judgments right, but I can understand it.  Fear is a very powerful emotion that propels us to do many things.  In the case of someone who is reacting out of fear because of their misunderstanding about people with mental illnesses, they probably truly believe that they are protecting themselves or their family by treating them differently. I would imagine though that if you or a family member were on the receiving end of such fear based judgments, it would be painful and frustrating. 

I do not believe there is an easy answer to stopping fear based judgments about people with mental illnesses.  I do think the more we positively expose the “mentally healthy” to people with mental illnesses and the more we educate them, then we will find people making fewer and fewer judgments about those with mental illnesses. 

What do you think? Do you think most of the time people make judgments about the mentally ill out of fear (misunderstanding, misinformation), or do you think people really dislike the mentally ill enough that they really believe their own negative judgments. ?

Have you ever spent some time around a person who was obviously mentally ill?  How did you react to them?  Were you afraid of them? 

Enjoy the food for thought Neighbors!

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Today you are You…

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Do you know what this is? This post is my 300th post since starting my blog on September 9, 2009.

When I started my blog it was more of an experiment to see if it would be helpful to me in my depression recovery. I never actually thought I would manage to write 300 posts, or even keep my blog going for this amount of time.

One of the things I promised myself when I began the blog, no matter how short or long of a run it had, is that I would always be who I am, and be honest in my posts. I think I have been able to do that, although at times it was really difficult. Just learning who I am has been a challenging task. It was also tempting at times to think about altering some things to show me in a better light.

In being honest in my posts and being who I am, I have noticed something about myself. “Who I am” is something fluid. It is a constantly shifting, and changing thing.

I can go back and read the things I wrote when I started the blog and I see how angry and bitter and out of control my emotions were. I can see how my perceptions were altered by my mental illness, and I see someone who was full of darkness and self loathing.

As I continue to read, getting closer and closer to the present, I can see a softening in who I am. Someone whose emotions are not so out of control, and even a person who has a little bit of hope.

In the present, I can see someone who has hope everyday, and someone with an inner peace. I see someone whose opinions and thoughts are valued by other people, but that person does not need other people to value them. I see someone who places value on herself.

Reading my old posts is like seeing a time line in my depression recovery. I can see what I was struggling with, my thoughts about it and progressing past it in an effective way. Constantly changing “Who I am”

When my depression was so out of control for those three years, nothing about who I was changed. I was stagnant. I think of stagnant things as dark, yucky and full of ick. There is no flow to them.

I think “Who we are” needs to be fluid. Always ready and willing to accept a new direction, a new way of thinking and looking at ourselves, if it is something that makes us a better person. I think of fluid things as light, airy, and full of life.

I believe who we are tomorrow will not be exactly like the person we were today, if we are being true to ourselves.

Today I am me, that is truer than true. There is no one alive, meer than me.

Are we fluid or stagnant beings? Can we grow and be true to ourselves if we are not open to change? Is who we really are something that can change daily/often?

Enjoy, Neighbors!

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Dude…Wait, What?

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Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time, knows that I try and keep a positive message in all my posts.  To do this, I do not talk about subjects that are considered controversial by most of society.  That is not the purpose of my blog.

I do have opinions on things, very often I have strong opinions. Sometimes those opinions must come out.  My hope is that I can express my opinion (negative or positive) about a topic in a constructive way.

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I have been reading again….. I ran across a blog post written by Slash Coleman. I found the title interesting, Are You Responsible For Your Friend’s Behavior?

I started reading it thinking it was going to propose the question suggested in the title, answer it and expound upon the answer,  in a way I suppose it did. For me though there arose more than one problem with the blog post, its topic and resulting conclusion.

I have taken a few days to think about what was written before I responded.  Now that I have my thoughts together, I decided it was time.

The author asks the question “Are you responsible for your friend’s behavior?”, if you have introduced two people.  He then goes on to talk about how he has on more than one occasion “set friends up together” by sending both unsuspecting parties an introductory email with an explanation of why they should get to know one another.

I had to stop reading the post for a bit at this point.  I was appalled, I mean completely and totally appalled by the thought of someone “meddling”, as I see it, and “setting” people up with each other, even as friends.  I readily acknowledge that I could be way off base with my feelings about this.  I am the one with personal space issues and other anxiety issues.  However, this whole scenario just feels wrong to me.

The next part of the author’s post is this, after you have taken the time to arrange that these two people meet, are you responsible if one of them flakes out on the whole thing.  In other words, once the connection is made, is everything else out of your hands?  Considering I see the first part as meddling, I think any continued involvement would compound the problem.  Also, people are people and we are not responsible for their actions. 

However, again taking in the fact that you meddled in the first place and set them up for this meeting, I can totally see why the involved parties would hold you responsible for some of how the other person behaved.  If they had come to you and said, “Hey! Set me up with a new friend!”, your responsibility would end once you gave them contact information.  That whole meddling thing, doing it without being asked, just ensures that you will be on the hook no matter what the outcome of the meeting is.

What do you think?

Is sending contact information, an introduction email, and an explanation of why two people should get to know each other, without them asking to begin with, meddling? Or am I totally off base with my reaction to it?

Are you responsible for your friend’s behavior once you have given the two people involved the information about each other? 

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