The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed – Proverbs 11:25

When I was going through the worst part of my depression I was almost completely focused on myself. The majority of my time was spent in my own head thinking about how bad I was, how unworthy I was, and beating myself up with thoughts of regret, and guilt. I believe that type of thinking is different than selfish thinking in that I was not concentrating on myself in order to obtain anything. Instead, it feels as if I was so focused on myself in order to inflict more pain on myself. However you look at it, the result was the same. I was spending entirely too much time in my head, with a sort of tunnel vision aimed at my own woes, worries and pain. My basic mind set during that time was “I can barely take care of myself, there is no way I am going to try to do anything for anyone else.”

Until that time in my life, I volunteered with various organizations, participated in community activities, and generally tried to do things for other people. I did those things because I wanted to help my community, and it also gave me a huge sense of joy. Although I missed the feeling that doing things for other people gave me, my depression was so ingrained into my being that I could not get myself motivated to look beyond my own misery.

During my treatment process – and as my depression has improved – I became less focused on myself, and paid more attention to the world. Learning I had value, enabled me to start thinking about others – friends, family, strangers . One piece of advice I kept hearing was doing things for other people helps your mental, and emotional health. While I acknowledged that this was true – remembering my own past volunteer work – it did not really sink all the way into my heart, and brain. I was still very much focused on myself, my treatment, my wants, and my needs, even more so on days that I consider Blah Days.

To me, a Blah Day is a day where I lack motivation. Sometimes I feel that way because I physically feel bad, other times I feel that way because of how I feel emotionally and/or mentally. Due to how I feel on those days- physically, emotionally, or mentally – I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. With nothing to distract me from those thoughts, I end up getting into a yucky pattern of thinking about myself, and how I feel, leading to even more thoughts about how miserable I feel.  Sometimes I have even had depression symptoms as a result of all that focusing on myself.

Lately my thinking has changed. I am focusing less on my own “issues”, and thinking more of others. I wish I could say that it was an intentional decision that led to the change in my mindset, but it was not. In fact I am not quite sure how, or even when the shift in my thinking took place. What I have observed is this:

1. Doing things for other people really does help your mental, and emotional health.
2. When I take the time to give of myself to others it fills me with joy.
3. When I am busy my days fly by. That is much better than the way they used to creep by – with me wishing the day would quickly end so I could justify going to bed.
4. I have fewer Blah Days when I am doing things that fill me with joy.
5. I have learned that there are other things to give away besides time, and money.

Some of the best things I can give to another person to help keep the Blahs at bay are:

Encouragement: Everyone encounters challenges in their life. Most of us need some sort of encouragement when we encounter those life challenges. It can be in the form of telling someone how wonderful they are, or simply saying “I care” or “You are strong!”. Writing in my blog – sharing my own journey through depression – is one way I can encourage people. Writing about my own struggles, challenges, and the things I do to move past them is a way that I can show others going through similar experiences that they are not alone, and that they can overcome what they are facing.

Smiles: I know that sounds silly, but I have found that if I smile at random strangers when I am out for a walk, or at the store, most people cannot stop themselves from smiling back. Smiling makes me feel good, so my guess is that it makes other people feel good. Someone could be having a rough day, and while a smile may not make their day all better, at least for a few minutes/seconds they might feel better.

Forgiveness: People make mistakes. We often do things that hurt each other. When I am wounded, I have a habit of holding onto anger, hurt, and resentment. It takes away my joy. Giving forgiveness frees me from hurt, pain, misery, and joyless days. Being free is joyful.

What will you give away today?

“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope” Marting Luther King, Jr.

I have a really good attention span – when I want to . I can spend long stretches of time concentrating on just one or two things.  Especially, when I dwell on the past, or worry about the future. If a person could earn money for concentrating on the should haves, could haves, and wondering what will happen, then I would be a millionaire.  That would be a whole lot better than the actual pay off.

My payoff was pain. Pain caused by a past that haunted me, being consumed with feelings of guilt and regret, and a never ending pain in my stomach due to constant worrying. However, the worst pain was caused by what I lost. Time. I was so busy living in the past, and the future that my time in the present was slipping past me. I was living my life in moments, but never “this moment”. Notice I said “this moment” and not “the moment”. I believe that one little word does make a difference. “The moment” seems so arbitrary to me. “The moment” could be any moment in time, not just a present moment. “This moment” is much more specific. It is speaking about the current moment in time. It is referring to NOW.

Instead of enjoying “this moment”, and all the joy, and contentment that living in the NOW brings, I was burden by my yesterdays, and tomorrows. Not living in “this moment” made it easy for me to relive days filled with shame, and the moments when I had been harmed by others. It allowed me to continue living life as a victim, rather than as someone who had control over her own life. My yesterdays, and tomorrows kept me angry, sad, and JOYLESS.

I needed contentment, and joy in my life – as much as I needed depression medications and counselling – to gain control of my depression. I had to come to terms with what happened yesterday, and acknowledge that it could not be undone. I had to realize that dwelling on the sad, and unfair actions of others, and my own poor choices were robbing me of my joy. I needed to be WILLING to let those things go, and live in “this moment”. It was not an easy process. I had become comfortable immersing myself in every other moment – except for NOW.

I retrained my brain by replacing my thoughts, and worries about the past, and future with positive thoughts from my present. Every time a bad memory popped into my head, I replaced it with a good one. Instead of worrying about all the possible bad outcomes of a situation, I began to find something good in every circumstance. I worked on finding solutions to my problems, rather than dwelling on the problems themselves. I started living in “this moment”. I chose the joy of today, and left behind the agony of yesterday.

What about you? Are you living in your yesterdays, and tomorrows? Are you willing to let them go? Are you willing to live in “this moment?”