The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed – Proverbs 11:25

When I was going through the worst part of my depression I was almost completely focused on myself. The majority of my time was spent in my own head thinking about how bad I was, how unworthy I was, and beating myself up with thoughts of regret, and guilt. I believe that type of thinking is different than selfish thinking in that I was not concentrating on myself in order to obtain anything. Instead, it feels as if I was so focused on myself in order to inflict more pain on myself. However you look at it, the result was the same. I was spending entirely too much time in my head, with a sort of tunnel vision aimed at my own woes, worries and pain. My basic mind set during that time was “I can barely take care of myself, there is no way I am going to try to do anything for anyone else.”

Until that time in my life, I volunteered with various organizations, participated in community activities, and generally tried to do things for other people. I did those things because I wanted to help my community, and it also gave me a huge sense of joy. Although I missed the feeling that doing things for other people gave me, my depression was so ingrained into my being that I could not get myself motivated to look beyond my own misery.

During my treatment process – and as my depression has improved – I became less focused on myself, and paid more attention to the world. Learning I had value, enabled me to start thinking about others – friends, family, strangers . One piece of advice I kept hearing was doing things for other people helps your mental, and emotional health. While I acknowledged that this was true – remembering my own past volunteer work – it did not really sink all the way into my heart, and brain. I was still very much focused on myself, my treatment, my wants, and my needs, even more so on days that I consider Blah Days.

To me, a Blah Day is a day where I lack motivation. Sometimes I feel that way because I physically feel bad, other times I feel that way because of how I feel emotionally and/or mentally. Due to how I feel on those days- physically, emotionally, or mentally – I spend a lot of time thinking about myself. With nothing to distract me from those thoughts, I end up getting into a yucky pattern of thinking about myself, and how I feel, leading to even more thoughts about how miserable I feel.  Sometimes I have even had depression symptoms as a result of all that focusing on myself.

Lately my thinking has changed. I am focusing less on my own “issues”, and thinking more of others. I wish I could say that it was an intentional decision that led to the change in my mindset, but it was not. In fact I am not quite sure how, or even when the shift in my thinking took place. What I have observed is this:

1. Doing things for other people really does help your mental, and emotional health.
2. When I take the time to give of myself to others it fills me with joy.
3. When I am busy my days fly by. That is much better than the way they used to creep by – with me wishing the day would quickly end so I could justify going to bed.
4. I have fewer Blah Days when I am doing things that fill me with joy.
5. I have learned that there are other things to give away besides time, and money.

Some of the best things I can give to another person to help keep the Blahs at bay are:

Encouragement: Everyone encounters challenges in their life. Most of us need some sort of encouragement when we encounter those life challenges. It can be in the form of telling someone how wonderful they are, or simply saying “I care” or “You are strong!”. Writing in my blog – sharing my own journey through depression – is one way I can encourage people. Writing about my own struggles, challenges, and the things I do to move past them is a way that I can show others going through similar experiences that they are not alone, and that they can overcome what they are facing.

Smiles: I know that sounds silly, but I have found that if I smile at random strangers when I am out for a walk, or at the store, most people cannot stop themselves from smiling back. Smiling makes me feel good, so my guess is that it makes other people feel good. Someone could be having a rough day, and while a smile may not make their day all better, at least for a few minutes/seconds they might feel better.

Forgiveness: People make mistakes. We often do things that hurt each other. When I am wounded, I have a habit of holding onto anger, hurt, and resentment. It takes away my joy. Giving forgiveness frees me from hurt, pain, misery, and joyless days. Being free is joyful.

What will you give away today?