This 30 Days Of Truth exercise is very challenging. Some of the prompts for the day really require you to take a good look at yourself before you answer them. Which leads me to today’s topic…I have to write about something I need to forgive myself for. I can think of so many times when I have messed up badly, and have yet to forgive myself for those mistakes. I will pick the one that is currently on my mind.

After realizing the impact that my very unhealthy marriage has had on my children, I have been feeling some very intense feelings of guilt. I keep thinking of all the things I could have – should have – done years ago that would have spared my children some psychological harm. Logically, I know that I cannot focus on the past, and what I did not do. Not only is there nothing I can do to change the past, I know that if I were to sit and fret about it the likelihood of me experiencing a depressive episode would be very high. As a mother, my heart is telling me something different than my brain is. The mother in me wants to cry, and worry about my children, beating myself up as I do.

I do regret not making the decision to put an end to the verbal abuse in my household sooner. I do regret the impact that it has had on my children. Regret can be a good thing because it helps remind us of past mistakes so that we do not repeat them. It is also good when we use it to express our heartfelt apology to someone. Too much regret can become overwhelming, leading to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. I have to work on forgiving myself for the part I played in allowing the chaos in my marriage to affect my children, and I will. Allowing guilt to consume me, and putting my mental health at risk will only cause them and me more harm, so forgiving myself needs to be a priority.