Dog looks at human and thinks:
“My hero, my friend, my buddy.”

Cat looks at human and thinks:
“My can-opener.”

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When Jerry’s daughter, Dani, was about 5 years old, she was thoroughly impressing her grandparents with her knowledge of insects while they were out for a walk. She readily identified ants, grasshoppers, crickets, ladybugs and such.

When they happened upon a small beetle she did not immediately recognize, she looked at it thoughtfully, raised her foot and stomped it into oblivion on the sidewalk.

‘That one’, she said, ‘is a Squashed Bug.’

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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, “What would you like?” he answered.

“I’d like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish.”

Then with a sigh he added, “But I’ll take an oat-bran muffin.”

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A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand – to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.

“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.

“Exactly,” replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”

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Linda’s son was in the process of being potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. Linda asked, “Did you have an accident?”.

Her son replied cheerfully: ” But Mom, it’s OK, I didn’t go in our garage, I went in Jill’s garage!!”

Enjoy, Neighbors!