Today I have a family reunion to attend. I do not really like to go to family reunions but I go because it means a great deal to my Grandmother. My brother and his family will be there so it should make the time pass more pleasantly. My mother will be there. She has not spoken to me since I was released from the psychiatric hospital. How she interacts with me today should be interesting. I find it interesting that the extent of her communication with me since I have been out has been through twitter.
Family reunion went as predicted. Because of the anxiety disorder, large groups of people gathered in a small area make me very nervous and anxious. When I have no choice but to go to something that is going to involve that scenario my husband will be with me and I use him as a giant shield to deflect some of the stuff that is going on. He is very good at doing that for me and does not have a problem with it either. Unfortunately, my husband had to work today. The flooding earlier in the week interfered with his ability to work, so he is working today to make up for that. That meant I had to go without my burly man, shield. I am really not supposed to drive much because of the medication I am on, but I did not want to ride with anyone. If I rode with someone that would mean I would be dependent up on their schedule and I could not have an escape if things got too much for me. So I drove.
My brother and his wife were supposed to arrive at about the same time today, but they did not. I decided to just wait outside until they got there. My grandmother was not pleased that I was doing that. My father came out and gave me a hug. Nothing really from my mother. About the time that the majority decided it was time to say the blessing and then eat, my brother and his wife showed up. My niece must have spent the night with my parents, because she was already there. She was being very cute as usual today. We were making up silly princess names. Mine is Princess Consuela Bananahammock and she was Princess Rotten Eggs Banana Split. My cousin Alison, her daughter and her handsome man were there, as well as my cousins Elizabeth and Andrew. Alison’s boyfriend did not recognize my real name, but when she reminded him that I was Cropstitute from Farm Town, he knew exactly who I was. Very funny to meet a facebook person in real life finally and at a family reunion no less.
After almost everyone had eaten, an old time type band started setting up. They had fiddles, banjos, a bass, and a guitar. With all those people in there talking, I knew that once the band started up it was going to be too loud in there for me to tolerate. Not too mention, inside the building was so hot. With the diabetes and the effexor I have to take, I sweat so easily. I mean a dripping, yucky, unladylike sweet. Outside was cooler with a nice breeze going and it was much quieter. I spent some time outside talking to my cousins and when they went inside, my brother and his wife came out for a bit. It was nice to have some quiet time alone with them.
About ten minutes later I decided that I had had my fill of the reunion. I told my daughter, Anna, that it was time to go, she took the news great! My niece on the other hand, stuck her bottom lip out and told me she did not want Anna to go. We went in and said good bye to everyone, hugs were exchanged between my brother and his wife.
At least my father acknowledged I was there and attempted to talk to me some. He asked how I was doing and gave me a hug. I honestly do not remember if my mother said hi to me or not, if she did that is all she said to me. I have thought about this, I could very well have initiated a conversation with her, but here is the deal, in our relationship, it feels that I am always initiating things with her. I do not mind on occasion being the one to start things off in a conversation or a phone call, but I would like it to be an equal exchange between us. So one of the boundaries I have put up with her is that unless or until she can initiate a conversation either in person or on the phone, or even email, than I am not going to be the one to initiate communication this time. Either she will decide at some point to initiate things or not. As sad as it makes me that my relationship with my mother is in such a sorry shape, I feel that it is very important that I stick by this boundary so that if she and I can ever have a decent relationship, it will be one that is much healthier for me than it has been in the past.
The best thing about the day, was the opportunity that I had to hang out with my daughter. She and I talked some, laughed some, and just enjoyed each other.