Last week’s counseling session went pretty well. I was able to discuss something that had been on my mind for a couple of weeks. At the end of the session, my counselor said something that I thought was really good. She told me that if I were to walk into her office now, she would diagnose me with mild depression. She did also say we could not change my diagnosis at this point since I first started seeing her when my depression was so severe and I still need the extra care that someone with clinical depression needs. However, I did take what she said about my depression at this stage as a positive thing. I can see and feel that I am better than I was, but it sure is nice to have my counselor validate what I am feeling.

Yesterday it was time for me to see my psychiatrist for my regular medication check. I had question for him about my medications. When I was in the hospital for my asthma, my medication doses were not changed but instead of taking 150 m of effexor in the morning, the hospital had me take it 75 m at a time, once in the morning and once at night. With my welbutrin, they had me take 150 m in the morning rather than 75 m, morning and night. I asked him if changing how I took them for that length of time would make any difference in how they worked. He asked me if I had any symptoms come up during that time and they had not. So he said in his opinion changing them the way the hospital did was not detrimental to me at all.

I also told him I was back to almost no sleep at night and it was wearing me out. I asked if it was time for me to start taking something to help me sleep.

The answer he gave me was not exactly what I wanted to hear. The psychiatrist said that he could detect a great deal of anxiety in my voice and he thought that I was experiencing some extra anxiety that was making it difficult for me to sleep. He went on to say that he thought part of my anxiety was coming from me stressing about my medication. That I had gotten myself worried about things that were actually nothing to worry about. I know last week my mother said something about me getting “wound up” over making sure I had plenty of mirapex for my restless leg syndrome. He actually wrote in my chart that he felt I was moderately anxious. He said he wanted me to have my counselor teach me some more coping skills for anxiety and he felt that would be more helpful than prescribing anymore medication.

I guess he wants to keep an eye on me while I work through this anxiety episode, because instead of having to wait three months to see him again, like I had been doing, he wants to see me in four weeks.

I saw my counselor today, so I did not have to wait long before I could get her to teach me some more anxiety coping skills. The counselor did remind me that she had told me a number of months ago that I would experience some break through symptoms at some point. The time for that to happen seems to be now.

The counselor told me she thought I was handling it very good compared to how I would have last year. She also told me to not be hard on myself since I did not realize what was going on until the psychiatrist told me, and that if it had been given a few more days I would start to realize what was going on because the symptoms would be much more pronounced.

I am using my support system and using the people in my life who are the most helpful and trusting them to let me know when they think I am not doing as well as I could be.

The counselor also reminded me that learning about my emotions is probably the hardest part of my recovery process to date.

I will definitely have to manage my anxiety a bit better. I think the relaxation techniques my counselor will be helpful. I just have to remember to use them when I feel that anxious feeling.

Have a great evening Neighbors!