Saturday was a very special day! It was my 41st birthday! How awesome is that?! To some people turning 41 is not that big of a deal, however, to me it is very significant. This is the second birthday I have had since my suicide attempt, and I am not in a hospital.

The birthday I had before my suicide attempt was miserable. My thoughts revolved around how depressed, sad, and lonely I felt. I was in a massive amount of emotional pain, and physically I felt awful. I viewed it as the last birthday I would ever have – I knew I would kill myself before too long. I was saying silent good-byes to the people in my life. In my mind there was nothing to celebrate.

Last year – when I turned 40 – I was doing much better mentally. Gone were my thoughts of suicide, and death. I had hope, and began to look forward to living. Unfortunately, I developed a rather ugly asthma flare, and was admitted to the hospital the day before my birthday. So my 40th birthday celebration basically consisted of me trying to breath, IV’s, breathing treatments, and a not so comfortable hospital bed. I do not recommend a hospital as a place to celebrate your birthday.

When this birthday loomed closer I started thinking about those past birthdays, and how much has changed within a couple of years. As I was thinking, something occurred to me. It has been 12 months since I have had to spend the night in a hospital. That is the first time that has happened in about 4 years. Since I was diagnosed with asthma – in 2007 – I have have had at least one – often two to three – hospital stay every year. That makes me want to celebrate even more than my 41st birthday does.

It also shows me how much my mental health had been affecting my physical health. I was too depressed to take care of myself properly – including managing my diabetes. I was not doing the things I needed to do in order to keep my asthma under some sort of control. I am also sure the extreme anxiety I constantly felt was stressing me out so much that it was triggering asthma flares now, and then.

Life has been a struggle – especially lately-, but I am amazed, and proud of how far I have come. To think that I have gone from knowing I was going to die by my own hand, to having a full, and active life is something even I have a hard time believing. It does make me want to encourage those of you who are still trying to gain some sort of control over your mental health issues/mental illness. Don’t give up!