Today it was time for my weekly appointment with my counselor. While I was having my session with her, I learned that there is an actual goal that all of my therapy and depression medication is supposed to help me achieve.  I know that sounds funny to say, because you would think the goal off all of this was pretty obvious, to keep me from getting so depressed I try to kill myself again.  That is one of the goals of depression treatment, but it is not the ultimate goal.  The ultimate goal is to achieve a state of remission.

What that means is that if I can go a certain period of time without any depression symptoms, can fully function inside and outside the home, and I can have positive social interactions then I will be considered to be in remission.  Because of the length of time I went without any treatment for my depression, the severity of it, and my other health issues, it could take a few years to achieve remission.

Because I have been feeling so good for the last week or so my counselor wanted to warn me that when I had a bad day it was going to feel pretty bad.  If I had more than a couple of bad days in a row, then I would need to take some emergency steps.  So she gave me some home work.  I have to create a list of ten things I can do if I have a bad day.  None of them can include staying in bed all day, like I want to do when I have a bad day.  My counselor told me that if all I can do is get dressed and spend the day in the living room, then I would still be more productive than if I had spent the whole day in bed.  The other part of the home work is to have a list of people I can call in an emergency if I have two bad days in a row.  She explained to me that making these plans and implementing them would help me on the road to achieving remission.   

Why is remission so important?  It is so important because unless someone with major depression achieves full remission, they are at high risk for having a relapse and doing poorly in the long term.  The problem with relapsing is that each relapse is worse than the one before it, and the length of time it takes for the depression symptoms to become severe is shortened. 

The part that I do not like about this whole remission thing, is the length of time it could take to achieve it.  I am always looking for the quick and easy solution in this recovery process and once again I am reminded that I have spent most of my life working up  to being so sick with major depression, and that there can be no easy or quick solution.  If I sit and think about how long this whole process can take then I know my anxiety disorder will kick into high gear.

I guess the best thing I can do for myself is to remember that tackling one day at a time is the best thing for me.  I will do the home work, and set up my emergency plans and then promptly forget about them until I need them.  I see no sense in allowing my emergency plans to get in the way of taking on life one day at a time.

So for today, I am going to celebrate the healing I have already done.