I found a great post written by Gina Newberry of It’s How She Rolls. In it she describes how she took an inventory of her marriage and was surprised to find that the things she and her husband are doing right far outweigh the things they are doing wrong. After sharing ten things they are doing right, Gina was bold and honest enough to share one thing they are doing wrong. I thought it was such a great and insightful post that I decided to do my own Marriage Inventory.
- We are committed to each other. There have been times when either one of us would have been justified if we had walked away from the marriage. We have had some pretty rocky times. However, our commitment to each other was stronger than our desire to end things because we were behaving badly.
- We are affectionate with one another. We hold hands, hug each other, and kiss to show our affection to each other. I have to admit my husband is better at this than I am. However, I really try and make an effort to show him the affection he deserves.
- We say, “I love you”, to each other multiple times a day. Every morning before my husband leaves for work we say, “I love you”. We also do that at the end of every phone call, when one of us gets home after having been some where, and sometimes we say it just because we want to.
- We laugh together. My husband and I love to sit and laugh with each other. Whether it is a story we are telling the other one that makes us laugh, or something we found on the internet together, even at something our daughter may have said, we enjoy the bonding that laughing together brings us.
- We encourage each other. We want what is best for one another. I want my husband to be happy and he wants me to be happy. We encourage each other when it comes to our dreams and goals in life.
- We spend time with each other. For many reasons, it is very difficult for us to have a date night, however, we do try and set aside some time every evening to spend with each other. Most of the time, it is really just something simple like sitting next to each other on the couch and watching TV, but we are still spending it together. Sometimes my husband will ask me to read him something from my blog, other times we just sit there and hold hands.
- We talk to each other. This is a big thing for us, mostly because of me. I would have no problem going for days without saying a word out loud. However, that is not good for a marriage or any relationship for that matter. We are taking more time to talk to each other about the little things.
- We have respect for each other. We try and treat each other with respect at all times. From how we talk with each other, to doing things for the other person, we try and make sure the other person feels respected.
- We work well together. Together we work like a team. He helps me out in areas where I might lack confidence and I do the same for him.
- We make big decisions together. So that the other person does not feel left out or that their opinion does not matter, we make all big decisions together.
My husband and I do love each other very much. We try and do everything just right in our marriage, but we are human. There is no way we can do it just right all the time. There is more than just one thing that we are doing wrong in our marriage, however, I am only going to share one, the one that I think is most important for us to work on.
- We do not listen to each other as well as we should. There are too many times where we have not taken the time that we should have and really listened to the other person. This causes conflict between us. We are working on this, and we are getting better at listening to each other.
exactly- whole post. especially the footnote. he and i pass like ships in the night so often that daily inventory is lost. even the, "how was your day," can be ruined by an inopportune diaper change.
we do have a lot going for us. i just need him to extend his power and control into a new realm for him. psychotherapy. and it's not an easy thing for him.
i do love him. that's what no one wants to understand. that's the cliche of all battered women. here, in my thirties, i live a live with remarkably few regrets. there is something to be said for that. my therapist has left me with a great deal to think about for the next two weeks. but, i have chosen and will continue to be socially battered for staying with my man, (a dear, broken boy) for staying… and i don't even fool myself with a white horse fantasy. i'm not strong enough to change anyone, much less save them. i just happen to believe in him and i know, like no one else can, where his heart really lies and what it's greatest desire is. anyway-
i think that the bottom line is: marriage isn't easy. it has realms and voids and capacities beyond any other human interaction. couple that with the daily stress that we all incur and hang on… if you can… very tight. and in my use of the term marriage i would like it to be known that i include not currently legal domestic partnerships and even live in relationships. human interaction on this amazingly and almost species exclusive magnitude is a tremendous accomplishment of civilized culture, which we all know is contrary to our animal needs and desires.
this dichotomy will always prevail when one endeavors into a social partnership with the gravity of marriage or cohabitation or even child rearing with no regard to traditional roles or responsibilities. we will always fall short of this god-blessed institution, because if we didn't- what use would there be in being human in the first place. our entire existence is darwin like evolution. our social progress is the real work now within our civilization as opposed to deciding how many toes we really find necessary in order to protect ourselves.
i could go on, but it would detract from your post.
you sum it up perfectly though. we are each doing the daily work that we must do. to realize how much more complicated this is in comparison to 50 years ago is really a great revelation. let's give ourselves a break.
we're all doing the best we can.
My recent post tea for two
exactly- whole post. especially the footnote. he and i pass like ships in the night so often that daily inventory is lost. even the, "how was your day," can be ruined by an inopportune diaper change.
we do have a lot going for us. i just need him to extend his power and control into a new realm for him. psychotherapy. and it's not an easy thing for him.
i do love him. that's what no one wants to understand. that's the cliche of all battered women. here, in my thirties, i live a live with remarkably few regrets. there is something to be said for that. my therapist has left me with a great deal to think about for the next two weeks. but, i have chosen and will continue to be socially battered for staying with my man, (a dear, broken boy) for staying… and i don't even fool myself with a white horse fantasy. i'm not strong enough to change anyone, much less save them. i just happen to believe in him and i know, like no one else can, where his heart really lies and what it's greatest desire is. anyway-
i think that the bottom line is: marriage isn't easy. it has realms and voids and capacities beyond any other human interaction. couple that with the daily stress that we all incur and hang on… if you can… very tight. and in my use of the term marriage i would like it to be known that i include not currently legal domestic partnerships and even live in relationships. human interaction on this amazingly and almost species exclusive magnitude is a tremendous accomplishment of civilized culture, which we all know is contrary to our animal needs and desires.
this dichotomy will always prevail when one endeavors into a social partnership with the gravity of marriage or cohabitation or even child rearing with no regard to traditional roles or responsibilities. we will always fall short of this god-blessed institution, because if we didn't- what use would there be in being human in the first place. our entire existence is darwin like evolution. our social progress is the real work now within our civilization as opposed to deciding how many toes we really find necessary in order to protect ourselves.
i could go on, but it would detract from your post.
you sum it up perfectly though. we are each doing the daily work that we must do. to realize how much more complicated this is in comparison to 50 years ago is really a great revelation. let's give ourselves a break.
we're all doing the best we can.
My recent post tea for two
Thank you for buzzing this. Wonderfully written. I love the quote you used at the top of the post. Spending alone time for many couples is very difficult to accomplish with such busy family lives but it sounds like you are doing so many little things each day to treat your marriage with the importance it deserves. It's so inspirational to read. Thank you again!!
My recent post 7 Links & 7 Different Directions
Thank you for buzzing this. Wonderfully written. I love the quote you used at the top of the post. Spending alone time for many couples is very difficult to accomplish with such busy family lives but it sounds like you are doing so many little things each day to treat your marriage with the importance it deserves. It's so inspirational to read. Thank you again!!
My recent post 7 Links & 7 Different Directions