I had an appointment with my counselor today.  I think it went really well.  I talked with her about leaving my safety zone and going four hours away to my parents house.  Having to sleep in the bat house one night and all the places I went while I was there.  I did admit to her that I had some anxiety on the way back home, because my brain started the whole stupid what if game.  What if the house burned down while we were gone?  What if the electricity is out when we get home?  She sort of laughed and said “You had no problem sleeping in a house with bats for one night but you got anxious on the way home”  I knew what she was trying to point out.  Most people would have been a little anxious to sleep in the bat house, and been okay on the drive home, and my anxieties were the exact opposite.  Kind of pointing out how unfounded most of my worries are.

I spoke with her about my frustration with regards to some people not listening to me when I am specific about something.  My counselor suggested that I just start writing them down.  Since most of what is not listened to is small things (but they build up frustration in me) she said this would be a simple thing to do.  Especially, now that I carry a little notebook with me everywhere.  Once I have what it is I want or need written down, then I hand it to the person who is supposed to be listening to me, but really is not.  I think I am going to give it a try.

I also told the counselor how I let my son have it via text yesterday.  I had bought some onesies for the baby.  Since I do not know the sex yet, I bought one for a boy, that says “If you think I am handsome, then you should see my daddy”, and one for a girl that says “If you think I am pretty, then you should see my mommy”.  My daughter in law immediately sent a very gracious thank you, my own son…..nothing.  In fact I had texted him about some other things and still no answer.  Finally yesterday I had texted him and asked him if he had fallen of the earth since I had not heard from him.  The response I got was that he had been “too busy”.  I promptly let him know that he could have taken two minutes to text me, and that if he did not want me involved in the baby’s life, let me know now.  That is probably the first time in a very long time that I did not let him get away with disrespectful behavior towards me.  I told the counselor that it was about time I started setting some boundaries with my son.

The counselor said she was very impressed with the things I have been doing in the last week and a half and that she felt like the trip to Augusta was a huge step forward in my recovery.

Oh, one last thing.  The state gave the psychiatric clinic enough money to start a few new group sessions.  They are going to start a depression group out there in August.  Which means it will only be a 10 to 15 minute drive from my house.  I am seriously considering trying the group setting.  It might help me improve some of my real life social skills.