In a previous post I talked about the sexual problems that can sometimes happen when we are talking psychiatric medications.  I also shared how these type of side effects have affected me personally.

Even with the welbutrin that the doctor prescribed in hopes of counter acting my sexual dysfunction issues due to my medications, sexual intercourse is not something I enjoy nearly as much as I used to.  However, I know for me and my husband sex allows us to connect on a more emotional level.  It also allows us to get reacquainted with each other when we have not had much time to spend with each other. So where has this set of circumstances left us?

In the beginning it left us bitter and confused.  I was bitter because I viewed it as yet another thing taken away by depression, my husband was confused because he thought I did not care about him as much anymore.  It began to put a strain on our marriage.  I know it seems like silly thing to strain a marriage, but you have to understand once I started feeling better after years of not being interested in anything, both of us had hoped to reconnect on every level.  After three years of isolating myself, we had lost a sense of closeness.  We wanted it back.

We realized we both had to be proactive in achieving a sense of intimacy with each other, and we both had to do it in ways that we were comfortable with.  I am not a touchy feely kind of person, my husband is.  I put aside some of my uncomfortable feelings and began to hold hands with him more, hug him more, and began rubbing his back sometimes.  Not only did he enjoy the time I set aside to give him my attention, I found that I enjoyed it too.  For his part, my husband rubs my head.  Sounds silly, but I love it!  We do not go to bed at the same time, because I have sleeping problems, but sometimes I will go lay down with him so we can have some cuddle time.  On the weekends, he cooks a lot and takes pride and serving me his newly created recipes.

So our sense of intimacy has grown.  We are doing things to connect with each other that we never would have before I lost my desire to have sex.  In a way, we are closer than we were before.  Still, there are times when I wished I could get interested in sexual intercourse more than every three months or so.  I am sure my husband does as well.  I even wish I got more pleasure out of it than I do.

My husband and I have discussed whether or not this is a side effect that we could live with.  We are both in agreement that it is.  For me, the Effexor saved my life.  I was still having suicidal thoughts and actions and was not really open to what my counselor was trying to show me until the right medication mix was found for me.  The Effexor and my anxiety medication made it so my thoughts could settle down enough for me to begin to get some benefit out of my surgery.  My husband would rather have me in my right mind and by his side even if it means we do not have the sex life we used to have, than have me start trying to find another medication mix and to risk me ending up trying to kill myself again.

I found a few suggestions that are supposed to increase intimacy in relationships:

• hug
• hold hands
• share your thoughts and emotions with each other
• cuddle with each other on the couch, or in bed
• kiss each other good night
• massage – sensual massage

When it comes to sexual intercourse and especially with me having difficulty achieving an orgasm one of the best pieces of advice was offered to me by @DrJoyDavidson.  What she told me to do was to be creative and experiment.  Her website Joy Spot is a great resource of information for achieving an exciting sex life, and offers great suggestions for enhancing things when your sex life needs a little extra help.