Going through counseling now, and learning and growing again, after spending three years stagnant due to the depression, is actually harder in some ways than I thought it was going to be.

Because my family had to get used to a certain way of living when I was checked out, they have learned how to interact in certain ways with me.  Now that I am checked back in, the transition from depressed person, to someone who has a healthier mind set, has been difficult on them too.  They are having to learn how to interact with me in a different way.  Sometimes I get really impatient because it feels as if they are so slow in getting used to a change I have made.  I have to keep reminding myself that this illness has not just affected me but has affected them negatively too, and I need to be extremely patient with them. 

In a lot of ways Farrol (my husband) had to treat me as if I were a child.  I could not make decisions because that would overwhelm me, so he had been making all the decisions, I would forget so many things so he would have to keep track of things for me, and more.  He has had to do that for over three years, it has become a habit for him, so now he is having to learn that I can make my own decisions now, and have confidence that I will make the correct ones.  He is trying, it is hard though. 

My daughter has spent the last few years, raising herself and at times taking care of me.  She had to of known something was not right, but did not know what to call it.  For the longest time she would ask me several times a day if I was happy.  I am sure that whatever she was thinking in her head to make her ask that question, caused her to carry around a heavy burden. 

Because I have been mentally unhealthy for so long, and have tried to commit suicide, I am sure that learning to trust me again is very hard for both of them.  I think as far as my husband goes, that he feels that if he is less than completely vigilante and stops doing the things that he has had to do for the last few years, that I might try and commit suicide.  I wonder if in her mind, my daughter feels some what responsible for my happiness?

My hope is that as I continue to grow and get healthier that I can prove to my family, that I am getting better and take away some of their burdens.