This is the next section of how I ended up in a state run psychiatric hospital and my experiences there.
The building I was in had men on one side an women on the other side. There was a small dining room but no kitchen. Our meals were brought over by a truck. On the women’s side the nurse’s station was set up in the middle of the area with a glass partition that went almost to the ceiling. On one side of the nurses area, was an open area with couches, a TV, the pay phone and a room with a washer and dryer. The other side had a few chairs and a very, very heavy picnic type table with attached benches. My room was very close to the nurses station, which provided me with some feeling of comfort.
With my back against the wall, looking at all those women wandering around, some of them looking very odd, hearing loud voices and shouting, doing my best to not make any eye contact, I was feeling more scared than I have ever been in all of my life. I heard one of the nurses say “Mrs. Mashburn looks terrified”.
Two nurses nurses approached me. They asked me to follow them into the bathroom and took me in a stall, where once again I was stripped search. By this time I was feeling too afraid to get upset over yet another strip search so there were no tears this time. I asked them if they had been able to obtain my medicine for my Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) and I was told no, that they did not have any. I was given a brown paper bag, that had a cheese sandwhich and a little carton of milk in it. I only took two bites of the sandwich, because I did not have much of an appetite. A nurse went through my bags and took things like my shampoo, and deodorant and put them in the “contraband closet”, and I was only allowed to keep one change of clothes, the rest went into another closet. The nurse explained to me that I could only get items from the contraband closet when the door was opened, three times a day, so if I needed anything for the morning, I had to plan accordingly.
The charge nurse brought me some linens for a bed and took me too my room. More gray, and cinder block walls. I was fortunate, because at that time I had no roommate and I was told they were going to try and keep me from having a roommate as long as possible. Apparently, it showed on my information that I had an anxiety disorder that made it difficult for me to deal with all of those people and the nurses were trying to make it so I had a place I could go to get away from people. The charge nurse was very nice and she told me she did not think I belonged there and said she did not think I would have to stay for very long.
In all those long hours since I had left the medical hospital, I had not spoken to my husband. I was really missing him. There was a pay phone in the general area of the unit, I used it to talk call my husband. It was such a relief to hear his voice. I felt so much better after I talked to him. Just hearing his voice and hearing how much he loved me made me feel better. Since the hospital did not have my RLS medication, my husband offered to drive two hours and bring me mine. That way at least the nurses could administer it to me that way. Even though he had driven all that way to bring it too me, I still was not allowed to take any off it. The doctor did not call them back and have them write up the proper orders until the next morning.
Since I had not been able to take a shower for days, I decided to get my shampoo when the contraband closet opened and take a shower. I was in for a treat! I had to put on the same type of sandals that prisoners wear in jail and enter a shower stall that had no curtains or door. Anyone who walked back to that part of the restroom could see me in all my glory as I showered. Needless to say, it was the quickest shower I have ever taken. One of the things I kept thinking, is that between the strip searches and no privacy when you showered, that being mentally ill and in a psychiatric hospital is a very humiliating experience. Not to mention, I was still very angry over how I had gotten here in the first place.
It was no surprise to me, but I got absolutely no sleep that night. Being in a new place, frightened and not having my RLS medication just made me miserable. I got up at about four in the morning. It was peaceful at that time. All the other patients were sleeping, the TV was off and the nurses who worked on this shift spoke in whispers. I also realized that we could start taking showers at five in the morning and I was still the only one up. That became my routine. Getting up at four in the morning and then rushing to get my shower done by five in the morning so that I would have some privacy during my shower time.
When it was time for breakfast, I followed everyone to the dining area and got my tray and milk. When I first sat down there was no on at the table with me, but after a few minutes the rest of the chairs filled up. I still did not have much of an appetite so I sort of picked at my powdered eggs, and drank my milk and apple juice. As soon as a one of the other patients realized I was not going to eat my food, she started standing over me, and began to take food off of my tray. She did not ask, or even say a word, she just took what she wanted, which was everything. Since she was much bigger than me, I just let her take what she wanted without saying anything either.
After breakfast, we had about an hour before we went to another building for our “groups” and that was where the doctor’s would see the patients. There was absolutely nothing to do, but watch TV. While we had been at breakfast, someone had come through and locked the doors to our rooms. I found a seat near the nurses station (for safety reasons) and parked myself there. I started observing all the other patients. Some of them were very high functioning, others could not even bath themselves, and a few could not or would not talk. I noticed one woman, in her twenties, who was being followed by a nurse everywhere she went, and every few minutes the nurse following her would write down some notes about her. It did not take long to figure out why this was being done.
The woman’s name was Angel. I am not sure how long she had been in the hospital, but I believe it had been for quite some time. I have no idea what her diagnosis was, as she was incapable of telling anyone and of course the nurses would not say. I just know after watching her for a bit that she was delusional, and violent. As I was watching her that first morning, even with the nurse following her, she went up to another nurse and punched her in the head. The nurses there cannot really do anything back to a patient, otherwise they could be arrested. Angel ended up hitting several other staff members repeatedly and several times she was given injections of medication that was supposed to calm her down.
Right before it was time to head over to the other building for groups, we were given our morning medication. That is when I started on my new anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications. I could see my RLS medication that my husband brought, but the doctor still had not called with the orders yet. After I took my medicine I went and got in line for the walk over to the “groups” building. Before we headed over a nurse took the time to let me know that it was in my best interest if I went to the groups no matter what the topic was about even if it did not apply to me. A list of people who attend the “groups” is kept and your file is marked if you have attended one. The doctors like it better if they see you have been trying to get along with other people and attend the groups.  
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The men went over to this other building as well, so there were a lot of crazy people in a confined area. Some of them were much more noticeable than others. There was Moss, who had a little problem keeping his hands to himself when he was around women. Once, and I mean only once, he tried to get a handful of boob from me, I gave him the stink eye and he did not try again. Another time, when he was sitting across from me during a group, he looked at me and said “I am the Devil, Fuck You!” After telling my sister-in-law about that, she said she thought it would make a good facebook status. There was a romance started, and a woman dumped her fiance for the young man she met in the crazy person hospital. Angel went around punching more staff members, was given more injections and finally was set off in a room by herself. Most of the people, men and women, that I met in there, were in there for drug and/or alcohol problems. I was a most unusual patient for them, as I do not drink at all and the only drugs I use are the ones my doctors prescribe me.
When we were not in “groups” we had nothing to do but sit and wait around for a doctor to see us. I was scheduled to see the medical doctor and the psychologist sometime that day. There was nothing to sit on in the general population area, so those of us who wanted to sit had to sit on the dirty floor. Again, I chose to sit near the nurses station. Because there was absolutely nothing to do, people got on each other’s nerves. Quite a few fights broke out, mostly between the men. Once the fights were broken up the people involved were allowed to stay in the area where we all were and most of the time they would start fighting again.
Finally, I was told that the medical doctor was ready to see me. That was a strange experience by itself.
To be continued…