My father experienced some fairly serious heart issues last week, and as a result, spent the past seven days in the hospital. He is doing really well now – all things considered. My mother spent most of her time with him at the hospital. I mostly stayed at home – unless I was running a few errands for my mother.

I had the pleasure of babysitting my granddaughter for several days, and hanging out with the dogs. However, for the most part I was alone. I am very good at being alone. In fact, I often crave time by myself. For years I have said I would like to buy 100 acres in Alaska, and build a house right in the middle of it. I figured if I could isolate myself like that, I could limit the contact I have with other people.

I have experienced loneliness, but it was when my depression was severe. I cannot recall ever having experienced loneliness as a result of not having other people around. I was too content in my isolation to be lonely.

Because I enjoy being alone so much, it has been difficult for me to understand why someone would have a hard time with it. Why would someone dread something that I found so enjoyable?

Given my habit – almost obsession – of seeking out time to be alone, I was surprised when I realized that I felt lonely during part of the time my mother and father were at the hospital. It started off as an uncomfortable feeling – one I could not identify. When I slept in dad’s recliner – located in the living room – just so I could be around all the dogs, it dawned on me that I was lonely.

I have to say, I really did not like how it felt to be lonely, but at the same time I am cheering because I felt lonely. I am sure that does not make sense to anyone but me. Since I am such a hermit, and have a natural tendency isolate myself – and will further isolate myself when I am experiencing depression symptoms – I think it shows remarkable progress in my efforts to become more mentally healthy.

The reason I believe it is an indication of my progress, is my need to be alone seems to be more balanced now. Instead of being perfectly content to not be around anyone at all, I now need some time with other people. I honestly never thought I would ever experience a strong urge to not be alone.

I consider this one of my personal milestones in my depression treatment.

One important thing I learned about feeling lonely is it seems to trigger some depression symptoms in me. I am glad I could identify that. It gives me one more tool to use for managing my depression.