When I was growing up, I often wondered why my family could not be normal – like everyone else’s was. I honestly believed my family was different. In my family people said, and did things that hurt the other members. We got angry with each other, and often stayed that way for days, weeks, and months. To top it off, my parents were not perfect! When I compared my family to others, I could see how flawed we were, and how perfect the other families were. I knew if I could ever find a way to live with those other families my life would be wonderful.

I grew into an angry teenager. Even back then I was bitter, and angry at the world – especially at my extremely imperfect mother. The anger, and bitterness stayed with me even after I became an adult. I had a whole history of hurt, confusion, rejection, and even some abuse that I kept in my present. I kept it there by recounting it, staying angry and bitter, and dwelling on the fact that I did not have the perfect family – a normal family. I was a prisoner of  a past I would not let go of.

One of the things I have discovered during the time I have been in treatment for my depression is – much to my surprise – my family is normal. All of those families that I thought were just so perfect, really were not. They had their own secrets of pain, and hidden flaws. The measuring stick I had been using to compare my family to other families did not exist.

The discovery that my family is normal revealed something to me. It showed me that I was imprisoned by my past, and that all of the painful memories, and etc. were preventing me from enjoying life, and my family. In an effort to create a more positive outlook on life, I made a conscious decision to acknowledge my past, the imperfections of my family and then move on.

It has been an exciting, and amazing experience. I get to pick, and choose which memories I am going to concentrate on. Accepting the ones that are pleasant, and positive, and rejecting the ones that are painful, and make me angry and/or sad. Doing this has allowed me to let go of so much anger, and bitterness. It has freed me from my past.

Getting rid of that barrier has also allowed me to get to know my parents better. By putting aside those painful memories I have been able to see how wonderful my imperfect mother, and father are.