Today’s prompt is to write about someone who made your life hell, or treated you badly. Before I do that, I feel like I need to explain what types of behavior someone would have to exhibit towards me that would put them in the category of making my life hell/treated me badly.

I would consider any person doing any of the following behaviors as someone who is treating me badly, possibly even making my life hell:

1. talking to me disrespectfully

2. calling me not nice names

3. mentally abusing me

4. physically abusing me

5. denying me access to medical care

6. Uncontrolled rage directed at me

I know someone who has done all of those things to me. That person treated me extremely badly, and – I have to admit- made my life hell. What makes it worse, is that the person who treated me so badly was ME.

I constantly said horrible things to myself. My internal dialog was negative, and full of hate filled words. I often told myself how unworthy of love, and how invaluable I was. I called myself stupid, ugly, and other not nice names. I was mentally abusing myself with all of that anger, frustration, and hate that I was directing at myself. I raged at myself. I told myself I was better off dead, and that no one should be around me. I physically abused my body by not taking care of my diabetes, and asthma properly. The things I did when I was trying to kill myself were the ultimate form of abusing myself, and has left some permanent damage. I even denied myself medical care when I would not seek help when I finally realized that I was in a deep, dark, and long lasting depression.

Fortunately, my suicide attempt did not result in my death, and I was forced to obtain psychiatric help. I no longer hate myself, and have lost any and all desire to rage at myself. I take care of myself physically, and mentally much better than I used to.

There are other bloggers participating in 30 Days of Truth. One is Angel of A Tall Drink Of Sweet Tea and Emily Suess of Suess’ s Pieces