Photograph taken by Anna Mashburn

The atmosphere in my household has been rather tense for the last few weeks. I think the tense feeling is a direct result of some friction between my husband and myself. I believe the friction we are experiencing is normal for couples in our situation -not enough money to go around, one of us being in therapy, raising a teenager, and work stress.  Normal or not, the stress and tension in our marriage is physically and mentally tiring for both of us. The more drained we become, the more the friction increases.

For me, all the tension and friction feels like a heavy weight. I have allowed it to bring my mood down, and affect the positive outlook on life I try and maintain. It has affected my daughter in a similar way. She can tell that we are stressed out, and it is making her feel extra stress. She has to put up with us when we are cranky. She also can tell when my husband and I are irritated with each other, making her feel uncomfortable. I am sure that it affects her mood as well.

I was at a loss for what I could do to ease some of the tension in our household. I could not make the bills go away, nor make it so my husband could bring home more money. I knew that I could not stop changing and growing and challenging myself and in turn challenging my husband. We are also stuck with a teenage daughter for a few more years. The lack of a solution was frustrating.

I began seeing my trip to my parent’s house as a way to help ease some of mine and my daughter’s tension. I knew a change of scenery would do us both good. I also had hopes that since we would be in a less stressed environment that we would be able to mentally relax. My daughter was excited about our trip for the same reasons. Neither one of us has been disappointed. Being here has had the affect that we both desired.  We both are happier and feeling significantly more relaxed. I feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders and my daughter has been acting as if she has a lighter load as well. Now that the oppressive tension is gone, we both feel like we have more breathing room.

The only thing I was not sure about, is how the separation would affect my husband. I was not convinced that he would be able to take the time – with less responsibilities – and relax mentally. When I spoke with him on the phone – during our first few days here – I could tell that he was still extremely tense, and stressed. Our phone conversations were full of friction and not enjoyable. However, since yesterday I have noticed that he has a more relaxed tone of voice, and seems to be enjoying his time alone. I think the extra breathing room has been good for him too.

I know that I cannot run away to my parents every time I get stressed out in my own house, but I am glad that I can come here – every once in a while – and get the mental relaxation I need. It makes me feel good to know that my husband can take advantage of this time as well. What I like best, is the positive impact this time of little to no stress has had on my daughter. I have learned that we all do better with a little extra breathing room now and then.