It can be difficult to find the right thing to say to a friend or loved one who is suffering from depression. You do not want to say the wrong thing that might upset them, at the same time you want to offer them heart felt and sincere support. You also want whatever you say to acknowledge that they have the right to their feelings and not to minimize their depression.
1 I love you
While they may not respond with an “I love you” back, they do hear this and it helps, it counter acts some of that self hating dialogue they have in their head
2 I care
Again it helps counter act some of the self hating dialoge they have in their head
3 You are not alone in this
This lets the depressed person know they have a support system.
4 Do you want a hug?
Always ask. Sometimes a depressed person wants a hug and it helps them feel better for a bit. However, some depressed people do not want to be touched. I know when I am having a bad day and the depression seems to be in control, I do not want anyone touching me. A hug would just push me over the edge
5 I am not going to leave or abandon you
It is very important that the depressed person hear this. They know they are not being the best parent,spouse, friend but they cannot do anything about it. However, this lets them know that no matter how badly they are at those things for now, you will be there for them. Shortly after I started my recovery process I had a massive panic attack because I was convinced my husband was going to leave me because of how difficult the depression made our lives. He had never even hinted that he would leave me but I built it up in my mind that he would. When I finally told him what I had been thinking, he was able to reassure me by telling me he was not going anywhere.
6 Would you like to hold my hand and we can talk about it?
Depending on how each depressed person feels, holding a hand may be beneficial to them, or they may not want to. Either way, the depressed person knows you are willing to sit down with them and listen.
7 I can’t fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
The depressed person can see that you are trying to support them even if you do not understand what is going on. with them
8 You are important to me
This lets the depressed person know that they have an important place in your heart and will help them feel loved.
As you can see all of these phrases have something in common. They are positive statements, that are meant to validate and encourage the depressed loved one.
Even when using these positive statements, it can be very frustrating when communicating with a depressed loved one. It is very important that you maintain a healthy detachment and take care of your own emotional needs so that you can continue to be a comforting force in your depressed loved one’s life.