What a busy week I have had!  Group therapy Monday, blood work on Tuesday, psychiatrist on Thursday, doctor appointment Friday.  I made it through all of that, learned a few new things, and had some questions answered.

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling is an excellent way to describe this week and the changes it represents for me.  I had to keep rolling along all week, keeping up with all these appointments.  I had to roll with the punches when the treatment center called me Thursday and moved my appointment time up by hours.  I also have had to roll with the news that I will have to change depression medications.

I met the new the psychiatrist Thursday.  I thought that doing the appointment by webcam would not work out good.  I figured I would feel uncomfortable, and not be able to discuss things with the doctor like I needed to.  It was the total opposite of that.  The new psychiatrist is a woman, she was very personable and pleasant.  Very quickly I forgot that we were talking to each other through a monitor and it was like talking to someone who was right in front of me. I brought up the topic of my depression medication and that it might be having a negative affect on my body.  I had some blood work a couple of months ago, and one of the results suggested that something might be going wrong with my liver.  There is also the fact that the medication seems to be affecting my ability to keep my blood sugar under control, as well as my blood pressure.  The psychiatrist agreed that it was something that we needed to look into and told me to come back and see her next week, after I got some more blood work back.

Yesterday, I got the results of the blood work.  This time my liver looked great, my other numbers (A1C and blood glucose) were horrible.  Just horrible.  My blood pressure was insanely high, 183/128.  The doctor seeing me for my medical stuff was so appalled by what she saw, she was ready to write me a new prescription for a different anti-depressant right then and there.  I asked her not to, because I wanted my psychiatrist to do that, since she will understand more about what to give me.

I go back to the psychiatrist on Thursday and I suppose that we will start putting plans into place to change my anti-depressant.  There has to be a plan.  My anti-depressant is Effexor.  The withdrawal for Effexor has been known to frequently have terrible withdrawal symptoms.  I have read that the withdrawal can be so bad that many people fire their psychiatrist after they come off of it, because they are angry that they were prescribed it in the first place.

I am rolling with this as well.  What choice do I have?  I suppose I could choose to be angry and upset that I have to go through the process of finding the right medication…again.  I could be whiny about the withdrawal, that might be bad.  I have the option to obsessively worry that this might cause me to go into a depressive episode. However, to be quite frank about, what good would it do if I chose any other option but rolling with it? Not a darn thing.  In fact, I believe choosing any other option would be more detrimental to my mental health than the process of having to change depression medications will be.

These are the things that I have going for me.

• My state of mind is soooooo much better than it was when I first started treatment for my depression.  I believe that will make it easier for me to deal with the changes in medication.
• With my state of mind being better, I believe that even if I have a depressive episode as a result of the changes, it will not be anywhere close to how bad the depression was when I first began treatment.
• I have created a super, terrific support system.  They are aware that I might be in a horrible mood during this process and more than willing to put up with me and support me.
• There are so many options for medications that I know the right one will be found for me.
• Physically, I should feel better once we find the right medication.  My husband pointed out that most likely the reason I frequently have days where I feel rotten is because of the high blood sugar and high blood pressure.
• The psychiatrist very clearly said to me “This will be a difficult process, but I WILL get you through it!” I take comfort in knowing that she feels such concern about me.

There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have freaked out about anyone messing with my anti-depressant.  I still vividly remember how awful I felt before I started treatment.  I never want to go back to feeling that way.  It affected my brain, body and soul. In the last few months, I have realized something…

As long as I am doing what needs to be done to protect my mental health, including being willing to change medications, I will be okay.